Sponsor - Al-Anon Family Group

mum2leahnjosh · Veteran Member

Sponsor

Mobirdie · Senior Member

In my opinion a sponsor is vital to working the steps. I have been told that a sponsor should be one that has worked the steps however recently in the material I received from the WSO there was a pamplhet that stated a sponsor should be a person that has worked more of the steps than you have.

Hope this helps.

mum2leahnjosh · Veteran Member

Ok so I am now looking for a sponsor. What qualities do I look for?

Im also scared to ask lol afraid of rejection so if anyone wants to be my sponsor give me a shout.

Aloha · ~*Service Worker*~

The qualities I looked for in my sponsor were these, and these are all very personal reasons for me:

#1: She had to exhibit a calmness and very clear understanding of her character defects and all, but at the same time, appear overall to be a pretty happy, serene person. In essence, she had to have an outlook on life that I wanted for myself.

#2: For ME, I wanted her to be a "senior" or "veteran" Al-anoner. Someone who's been in the program for a good deal of time and who has worked through all the steps. I wanted someone who could share with me their wisdom of working the program that in my opinion can only be gained over an extended period of time of continually working the program.

#3: She needs to have her own sponsor.

#4: She needs to approach the steps with me in a structured way. Give me clear expectations instead of a general "we'll work on it when you're ready" kind of approach without any structure at all. She gave me an actual list of Al-Anon literature she wanted me to work on purchasing, a list of specific things she wanted me to read, a suggestion of the number of meetings to attend with the expectation that at least one meeting a week, she's there, too, etc.

Again, it's all a very personal thing, the sponsor-seeking.

I think, ultimately, it's best to have a sponsor you can actually TALK to instead of just email back and forth. As your questions and concerns come up, your sponsor is right there able to immediately discuss them with you instead of waiting for a response to an email.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Mum!!

Good going and one of the things that I looked for was someone I could trust because I was so fearful and needy and who would not see that as a turn off.
None of them ever did.

Then I looked for sponsors who had qualities that I wanted more naturally than I. I have never been disappointed.

I wanted sponsors who would not enable me, who were not afraid of me or sponsorship and who didn't take life or themselves so seriously that we would not have a good time working together. That one didn't happen either cause all of my sponsors we more program mature than I. I was a newby for years!!
I learned not to take myself sooo seriously and to be able to take hearing the truth without fading or running and often times asking for more clarification of the truth as it was revealed to me LOL that threw some of them for a snit. I was serious about "getting it".

I wanted a sponsor I could hug and feel that real transfer of compassionate energy that I get from hugs today. Some people in program still hug in that armour vested style...like bullets would bounce off their chest if they were shot at and that you feel you also might bounce off their chest with a hug. Like hugging a rock.

Go for it and let us know how it comes about. Don't be afraid until after they might tell you no.

(((((hugs))))) smile

Jen · ~*Service Worker*~

Just wanted to give you a couple of thoughts on my experience.

First of all a sponsor is essencial to the program. Having someone with experience working the program is so important.

Face to face sponsors are obviously the first choice, but I live in a very small town with a tiny Al-Anon group, so for me this just isn't possible. My sponsor is an email sponsor. She lives about 2 hours away, so I may get to meet with her this summer. My point is that f2f is the best, but if you can't do that, do the best you can.

Expectations are key. My sponsor hapens to be a pretty busy person. I had unreasonable expectations that she would be handy whenever I felt like calling. She wanted to schedule our talks on the phone once a week. I got very discouraged, especially when I couldn't afford the calls anymore. Then I realised my expectations were getting me in trouble again. I started emailing her instead. I could speak when I needed to and then she could answer when it was convenient for her. She checks her email daily at least so with more reasonable expectations we found a system that works for both of us.

The first person you ask may not be a great fit. Try again. Lots of people even have more than one sponsor. I probably will later. If it really doesn't work out, find another.

I think a good place to start is with some of your own defects and what you would like to change about yourself. If you are a people pleaser, try to find a sponsor who is good at setting boundaries and sticking to them. If you can't get detachment, try to find someone who is good at staying detached and compassionate at the same time. Find someone who has the qualities you want to develop in yourself.

Anyway, I hope this helps.

In recovery,

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.