The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Where I live, it's a really tough place to be an alcoholic (ok, not like any place is easy). The area I live in is world-famous for it's wine. Grape-growing is our agriculture and wine-producing is the staple of our economy. Wine is everywhere, and that is not an exaggeration. Parties, fund-raisers, wine-tastings, raffles, stores, signs, wine-maker friends, it is never-ending, really. I can honestly say that I have never been to a "dry" event. Wine is a common gift (even kids give to their teachers), and many kids know how use a corkscrew like a professional and/or taste and tell the varietal. Wine on the table at every evening meal is commonplace.
That said, I really have learned to like wine and enjoy having a glass or two (preferably white) in the evening when I am making dinner. What I have been thinking about is how much I like it and want it at times, but don't have any. I obsess about it a little and then think, "Oh well". I don't make a special trip out to buy some, steal it, or even go visit the neighbor who I know has some. I just deal with not having what I think I "crave". The desire eventually passes and I gently remind myself to put it on my grocery list for next time. Then, I may or may not remember to buy more.
So, last night as I was thinking about this, and I then thought about alcoholics and how very difficult it must be. I thought about how I am not an alcoholic and how much I wanted some wine.... and how that must be nothing compared to the alcoholic who has a physical and emotional addiction....
Yikes! Could I be getting some compassion? Maybe so, for the physical addiction aspect only. When it crosses into the moral issues, I'm just not there and don't know I ever will be.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
Hey (((Lou))) I rememeber one time many, many years ago when I had my first glimpse of compassion. I was driving home on the highway and I passed the exit where ex would go to get high. And I thought then, what a horrible thing to feel the compulsive pull to get off at that exit rather than drive just a bit further to get off at the exit to our home. And I thanked God that I didn't have that urge. It always amazed me that he could be headed home, regular night, no argument, nothing stressful going on, with the BABY'S CAR SEAT in the backseat of his car and STILL feel like he had to go get high. I cried all the way home that night, for him, For getting a flash of what a hellish nightmare it must be to know that what he was doing was ripping me and the kids apart and do it anyway.
Since then, my compassion is gone. I don't know why, I think it is the infidelities that have happened and the sex addiction. It is beyond me to NOT take that stuff personally. Plus, why would I feel compassion for a man who has tried to kill me and abused our children. I might get there again someday, but today is not that day (from what I can tell, it's only 8 am...so.....).
I felt that way when I quit smoking and when I diet and don't eat sugar. The pull like the need to draw a breath sometimes, so overwhelming. It's not that I don't have compassion for him, it's that I understand having been through things I have gone through that it IS possible to stop destroying yourself. It IS possible if you choose to put everything you have into it. It may be HARD but it's POSSIBLE. So that lessens my compassion. Just like my compassion for smokers, as a former smoker I know it's possible to quit. Sometimes I dabble but I don't ever want to live there again. It's a mindset. The longer you go on without something the less you have to will yourself to avoid it. I'm in the process of trying to create new good habits. I feel like as time goes on my compassion fades into indifference. Like an old acquaintance... I hope he gets better, if not that's his choice. I guess part of me too has little compassion because I have been working 2+ jobs to support 3 kids for almost 2 years and he's still running around in circles banging his head against the wall. Gets old to watch after a while when you're not caught up in it anymore.
I had if anything far too much compassion for the A. Last year for a full 3 months I took care of everyything while he caused more and more and more chaos every single day. I have had to have compassion for me too.
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