The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I know recently I've been posting a lot about how impatient my AH has been lately.
Even yesterday, his impatience was just so huge. We went for a walk when I got home from work, and I had to change my clothing for the walk. Of course, AH was home all day yesterday, so he's in appropriate casual clothing to walk in, so he's ready to go the moment I get there.
I'm still finding my shoes, and where is my AH? He's already out the front door standing in the middle of the street, yelling "TODAY!"
I just sigh to myself, tell myself... "I can't control it... don't take it personal, just take the same amount of time to get ready if you were going on the walk yourself, you'll be ready when you're ready... no sooner, no later."
So, we went on our walk, AH is snippy for maybe the first two minutes of the walk, but then his focus turns to something else, and by the end of or 45 minute walk, he's in a decent mood.
Later in the evening, out of nowhere, my AH says, "I want ice cream. Let's go get some ice cream."
Ice cream? Not his usual craving, but hey, no need to twist MY arm, I loves me some ice cream!
We went and got our ice cream and for the most part had a pleasant evening last night.
This morning, when I woke up, suddenly all the irritability my AH has been displaying the last few days hits me... and one other fact with it - AH hasn't been snoring the last few nights. He only snores when he's been drinking.
Aha! All that irritability and the sugar cravings lead me to think that perhaps AH has been trying to not drink the last few days. THAT's where the impatience has been coming from!
I'm proud of him... and my hat's off to him if he can maintain not drinking or actually control his drinking and not relapse.
The thing that sucks about it is, he doesn't have the tools to keep his emotions calm and level while he's not drinking... ie: AA. He doesn't know what to do with the irritability of his body screaming for alcohol, so he's snappy and impatient.
Anyhow, I'm glad I finally realized it. Again, his crabbiness lately has nothing - NOTHING to do with me. It's his disease screaming at him for alcohol because he's been abstaining.
I'm proud of him for his efforts (won't say it to him, though - I know my saying ANYTHING about it to him will trigger him to become defensive). Don't know how long it will last... I don't have hopes it'll be ongoing, but it's nice anyhow. Now the only ordeal is dealing with his irritability.
The A who I was with (we are now separated or rather should I say split up) was very very impatient. I do think its a charactor trait they become very impatient as the disease progresses. For me the sense of helplessness was immense. I felt helpless, embarassed and often very angry. I admire your detachment. Personally I started to avoid him and that made me even more angry.
Detaching under those circumstances is very difficult.
Aloha - You're so right! You figured that little mystery out - and how wonderful that you could see through the irritablility and just accept that this is part and parcel of his disease. Nope - it's NOT pleasant. But I know I'm not pleasant when my body is screaming CHOCOLATE - especially when I'm hormonal. Our bodies can really make us nuts sometimes.
Good for you also for recognizing that whether this abstinence is permanent or merely fleeting, you are grateful for this time.
Your posts are always so helpful for me to read. You just keep putting one foot in front of the other....and on you go!
AH and I had a long afternoon yesterday filing paperwork for our small claim against our previous landlord to get our deposit back. Back and forth, back and forth filing out paperwork, making copies. etc.
I ended up being very, VERY hungry by the time we were done. I had a headache and I was just feeling CRABBY.
So... if my AH's craving for alcohol feels anything like I was feeling with my severe huger, I can certainly see why he'd be irritable!
Way to keep on working your program. One Day At A Time.