The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am still on step one two three after one year of leaving the A. My living situation is not good, my finances are bad, my health isn't the greatest - I had an awful asthma attack on the weekend. I am isolated and alone a lot. I am disorganized. I have few resources.
In so many ways my life is not right but one thing I am not adding to the picture is an active alcoholic. I really steer hugely clear of anyone with an addiction. I am about at a point where I barely talk to people who I discover have an active addiction going on, not because I despise them but because I discover their sole life mission seems to be to get me to do something for them.
So about the only thing I have going for me some days is detachment and faith.
I no longer feel as desperate and lost as I did but my journey ahead is formidable. I still feel ill and exhausted a lot. I feel less tired but I have no idea how I am going to find my way of this situation, no money, no prospects, no way forward. My credit is ruined for another 5 years minimum which means my prospects of finding a decent rental are bad unless the economy totally croaks and that won't be a good thing for me either.
I don't feel discourated as much as challenged.
I no longer speak to the A. I don't answer the calls if he rings. I have nothing to say to him. I said it all already. I am finally through keeping putting my point across to certain people who won't listen to me.
I hope in one year to be in a better space.
If I'm not because of the economy, because of illness, because of whatever I'll manage. I know situations will not kill me. With detachment I no longer have to suffer compulsively.
You sound different, so somethings have changed...I hear an attitude of gratitude around maybe no Bluebird of Paradise, and I hear you've set up some boundaries and values...so maybe it's one of those, "I'm doing the best with what I've got" places? No compulsive suffering?....you've been learning. Good for you. There's lots more coming.
Yes, I agree that you sound much more healthy. Progress, dear, not perfection. You are really getting the hang of detachment and you sound so much more positive. I know things will look up for you. You will find ways to make it happen through direction from your HP. I am so glad for you, that you can now start to see where things are going right, rather than focus only on where they are going wrong. That was(sometimes still is) such a big challenge for me, to see the positive.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
