The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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The ride is up and down but feel some calm at the moment. I've been reading a lot of different sources and working on step 4. I came across this short reading on hope in despair to tuck in my pocket for the next harrowing ride so I wanted to share the bit that just grabbed me with a good feeling. When things seem worse, even hopeless, I can still have hope. I say, huh??
"It is when hope grows weakest that our foundations are most exposed. It is when the struggle to sustain hope is most difficult that HP can work on the deep structure of our persons. It is at those times that HP can reach the unreachable crevices of our hearts and work on regions where fear and despair seem to reign.
It is a terrible thing to lose hope. But all is not lost. Though we lose hope, HP is still at work. It may be that during our season of hopelessness HP will extend the rule of the Kingdom of HP into new regions of our lives."
This is an amazing thing for me to think about. Have hope when things seem hopeless. whoah! hugs, ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
Ddub - Thanks so much for that post. I've been struggling a bit these past few days with "hope". I think it's because I've been sick - and I don't have any fight in me right now. (fight to keep going) I've been giving in to a feeling of despair lately - and it's completely miserable. It's so comforting to read that HP is even harder at work when we lose hope. Just what I needed to read.
The quote you posted speaks to me....for weeks now my hope has been dashed daily. I fret and cry a lot and pray so hard for HP to "show me a sign"..."change it"...."help me".....HP must know that I am not, perhaps cannot, help myself anymore. Yes, it is a terrible thing to lose hope. That feeling deep within which keeps you going and keeps you working...it just isn't within me anymore.
I haven't posted recently since everytime I write something, it just seems pathetic and so miserable sitting here in print. I just write and write and delete and delete. When I have received so many replies to previous posts which are kind and filled with uplifting words, I feel better....but then come crashing down. The question is: why can't I help myself more? When will this happen and what will it take for me to understand fully what I can and cannot control? Most of what is wrong with my situation is beyond my control....except my own reaction. And there is the problem...my own reaction.
I am so sad, so isolated, so sick mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually......the rest of my family is tired of me being this way. I am told by son and spouse that my anger is constant and making them crazy....me, too. That is how my depression comes out....anger.
So thanks for the bit on hope and HP. I guess that is some hope in itself.
My experience with hopelessness... it is up to me to fight it with FAITH. I think that is what you're saying. When I came to al-anon, I realized HP had me right where HP wanted me... Broken. Only then, did I stumble into al-anon in complete surrender.... and allow a power greater than myself to guide me.
Your post reminds me of Steps 1,2, 3....I can't, HP can, I think I'll let Him.
MY PART IS....to show up at meetings, to practice the steps, and to use the other tools of the program. To me, this is the ACTION of faith.
And, I can simply pray, "God, give me faith." (It's the most amazing little prayer!)
I feel grateful for your post... to be able to reflect on how far I've come since my darkest days....
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
What a comfort knowing that when we lose hope HP is still at work for us. I think sometimes we need to get out of the way in order for our HP to continue to do a work in us.
Great insight and a great post. Thanks for sharing with us.
Love,
Claudia
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
I think this is true. I also think there is a thing called malignant hope that I was really stuck on. I held onto the hope that the A would get better for years.
