The material presented
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I've been posting and crying you all know that. Well it just dawned on me I may not have to struggle with the decision of staying or not alanon may do that for me... He seems angry I'm on this board right now. Slaming things around etc. Even though he said he didn't want to talk to me. ( and I have told him he can read anything I post anytime he wants because I don't post anything I don't try to share with him anyway) of course he doesn't... But one thing he did say at me tonight was "I don't care if you go to alanon if it makes you happy and if it makes me miserable as long as it's good for you" (or at least that's what I think I heard... when I asked him what he meant he got all mad and said I was twisting his words?? but wouldn't explain or repeat???. and no he is not that drunk- this is emotional stuff... he's only had about 5 ?? I never can keep track but he can hold alot!! anyway nothing for him!! I've told him that it's about trying to get better and not about trying to get him to do anything...I don't think he likes me trying to get better? He may pick a fight (he's good at making it my fault really good! or maybe it is partly my fault??? anyway he's good at his stress level causing us to break up... hurts like heck and usually happens when he overworked or under some pressure I don't know details of..goes to his mom's works it out.. I beg and i mean beg him back ( ughh make myself sick... he comes back then leaves again when he is stressed or something I am unaware of is bugging him-- cus I'm an absolute nag when I can't find a way to "make it better" it's out of love but WRONG i'm sure.
Edit: Twenty minutes later, he's still slaming things about and I'm usually not scared when he is angry cuz he's so sweet generally but each time he's slammed something my stomach has really jumped, I guess cuz I can't talk to him to reassure him?? I don't know ... but anyway.. I"m gonna leave board and go to sleep (doesn't take a high IQ to know not to do what is obviously making someone upset) but I wish he wouldn't tell me to get away from him and shut up and then feel angry when I do something that makes me feel better. It's not like I'm hiding anything!! or tryng ot make him mad!! This really helped me make it through tonight. Love and appreciate ya'll (texas word ya'll) ...
Thank you for responding to me. I felt lonely and sad and it makes a world of difference for me when someone listens- friends/support means so much to me! Thank you as I was feeling "crazy, crazy, crazy". Happy day to you!
