The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I thought that on this board, venting was an "OK" thing to do. That was one of the pros to this board--being able to vent any feelings....anger, sadness, joy, peace, etc. without any repercussions from our A or other persons in Alanon or here with MIP. Instead, one of my posts was altered and brought to my attention that I could have offended someone by it.
I feel that I have to apologize to any person that I might have offended in one of my posts where I have vented and 'possibly hurt someone's/anyone's feelings'--this was NEVER ment hurt ANYONE'S feelings in ANY way. My feelings of shock and awe and what I thought was idiocy was probably taken personal and this was NOT my intention. I thought only to post what I thought was plain stupidity.
I will be more careful in my venting here in future posts, and sincerely apologize for saying something unthoughtful from my vent.
-Just For Now
__________________
Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.
I also was just "reminded" not to swear in any post (tho I had used symbols). I felt kinda embarassed, but truthfully I hadn't read the forum rules ( I'm sure they are here somewhere). Live and learn. best, DOA
I have no idea what post you are talking about! I always remember that people are people and have different ideas and issues. Unless someone directly "blasted" me I doubt I would ever be offended. But I don't know the issue here. Please don't feel offended by the board in general because you were redirected by someone possibly well meaning? But anyway same thing happened to me once when sharing something important to me. Realize that even the people monitoring this board are human and may be right or wrong. Keep coming back! Please keep trusting those of us out here who care for you! We need you and hopefully you need some of us too!
JFN - Don't know what post you're referring to - and don't need to know. We've all vented here and expect we will all continue to do so. This is a safe place.
Glad you're here and always appreciate your input.
I also don't know what post you are talking about but I wouldn't worry about it. I think this has to be a place where we can be free to talk about what we need to without being scolded by others. That's why I don't attend alanon sometimes - you spill out your heart and people just look at you and smile. That's very difficult when you are in the middle of a train wreck and just need someone to say "I've been there, this is what helped me". So if we can't express ourselves here than I don't belong here.
I just want to say that I would have "gently" stated that I would prefer someone not use the word "retarded" in a negative way too. Because I know some fantastic people who happen to have mental retardation. However lots of people do not mean it in a mean way! For some unknown reason my daughters went in this phase where they said something was "gay" if they didn't like it.. which was not good! They did not intend it to be mean. Their was this brief time when they used the word "pimp" to mean something was good or cool--- I really hated that!! My point... I'm sure nothing negative was meant about people with disabilities and I'm also sure that I would prefer that word not be used like that. NO harm, no foul we can all just know that we need to watch our words sometimes even when really angry---feel free to call me on my stuff too! I don't promise not to have hurt feelings... lol!! Whatever makes it better for everyone..common good and all that!!
I wouldn't take it personally. We are all here because we have been affected by a disease that has distorted our thinking. I am trying to learn how to interact with the world on a more healthy level. I have not YET been edited here, but only because I tend to reread what I have written before I send it. I have many times erased whole diatribes. (Sometimes I wish there was a moderator at my meeting to edit my words.LOL) The moderators are here to help us all feel comfortable and safe to speak. Personally I appreciate what they do, even if I sometimes wonder at specifics. We are all human.
Love in recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
One of my former house mates was developmentally disabled. I woudn't describe any of her problematic behaviors as "retarded". She certainly hated the word "retarded". Yet at the same time she held onto her problematic behavior like a shield. I must say I found it really difficult to deal with her but I never at any time saw it as a sum up of being "retarded".
Sometimes it is pretty hard to find the right words to describe a behavior and it can come across as derogatory. I think when I am very angry with someone I want to dismiss them quickly but in some ways it is most effective when I describe their behavior that is bothering me in as many words as possible to try to work on what the "trigger" is.
For me with my former housemate it was her "need" that really got to me. I can still have that issue over "overwhelming need". I can also have issues with demands and inability to hear me.
After writing this I think I need to really work on what my triggers are and work on alternatives to responding to them other than with frustration and anger.
