The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
For so long in my life i have accepted who everyone else wanted me to be. Blended in according to their wishes. Pleased everyone by doing what they asked. As opposed to saying no, and risking confrontations with them. I was a people pleaser, always finding happiness in doing for others.
CRAP!!!!!! LOL It's what i have done my whole life, all that i know. My parents brought me up to be unselfish, and i have inherited their lovely nature.. People "Expected" things from me, i always delivered.
The last two weeks the wind has changed. Someone new is now emerging from the shadows of my life (me). Compliments are something i could never accept from anyone, especially men. I always imagined they were just being polite, nice, saying what i wanted to hear, or had an ulterior motive.
In searching deep within myself i have discovered some things about myself.
Never have i believed in myself. I had no self-esteem, confidence, just plenty of negative thoughts and attitude...The only thing i have confidence in is my ability to do my job. I know i am good at what i do, and i do it with great passion.
Today i can look in the mirror and see who i am.... I have so many great things going for me that i refused to aknowledge in the past.
My biggest worry in my life was i was never pretty enough, i compared myself to other females. They had longer hair, were slimmer, taller, bigger boobs ( yeah sad i know)...lol
I have so many qualities about myself and i'm now seeing them. I might not be gorgous, but im not ugly. I have a fantastic wee figure, (maybe short changed in the boob department..lol), cute smile, gorgous blue eyes, (in the right light..lol). I'm kind, considerate, thoughtful, honest, understanding, passionate, loving, loyal, fun loving, crazy, sassy, fab personality. I don't make promises unless i know i can carry them out. I have a gift to lift people from their misery, even if its only for as long as i'm in their company.
If your not happy when i leave you, i will refund your misery....lol
I'm not perfect, i can be a crabbit, cheeky wee "xx" when i chose to also, i will screw up, thats life.
I am receiving messages on this site EVERY day, from people just passing, to say i sound like a great, fun person. One guy sent me a message to say, he loved my profile, was the best reading he had had in a long, long time. And he wished there were more people in the world like me.. WOW... he wanted nothing from me, he expected no answer in reply....That made me feel "Fantastic". Someone appreciated me for just being me..."Go Girl"..lol
I'm not an arrogant person. I'm not right up myself. I don't think i'm the dogs bollocks, or the cats whiskers. But recently i am finding the belief that i am as good as the next person. I now see men looking at me twice in the street, smiling at me, chatting to me. . They hold doors open for me, let me go before them in line at the checkout.. (especially if i'm wearing my uniform..lol).whoohooo it does the heart good..lol I can now accept compliments from men, and know they mean what they say.
For the last two years, i have had offers (online) most days from men, near and far. And i could date every day for the next 12 months..But that's not who i am.When i am involved with someone, i like to give them all my attention, allow them to feel "Special for just being themselves" and just enjoy the time together. If there is a "mr Right" out there for me, he will show himself in time.
For the last week, i have not stopped singing, or dancing about the house. I'm listening to "old music" and this week it's "Sclub 7"..my mate Donna told me not to admit to that...LOL..Whatever, It's keeping me smiling.lol
A friend once told me i couldn't love anyone until i learned to love myself fully first. Well, i'm on the right path. I can give to others today what i choose to give. If i want to spent time with someone, do something for them, is all my choice and i'm doing it for "ME"...because i WANT to because i enjoy..... Not because it's expected.
So...today i tell myself."If you've got it, flaunt it kiddo" LOL
Nike says..."Just Do It"...............Lynn says "Just "xx"Do It" And I am. I have one life, and I'm going to enjoy just being me..And if anyone doesn't like who i am. That's not my problem...All i would say to them is "look again"...xxx
Fantastic post Girl!! You were one of the first people to "reach out" to me online here and I won't ever forget how great it made me feel. I also struggle with remembering how cool I am-it's hard with all the mixed signals you can feel when you love an A. ALanon really helps and you are really a great part of that for me!
So good to hear you are beginning to realize your self worth!!! Your post was so uplifting. I too have struggled with my self image most of my life.
I admire you for living your life FOR YOU. I'm still having a hard time in that area. I tend to deny myself the simple pleasures. You have given me courage to surge forward and take some time FOR ME for a change
Thanks for a great post!!
Claudia
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
I know we havent always gotten along in the past. We have had our share of arguements. REmember ? lol Especially if we were both going through something hard in our lives at the same times, we seemed to clash, and we both refused to back down, wasnt funny then, just going back there and remembering and watching you share so positively i see a little humor in our past :) heated discussions . I also remember when we were both in sane mode we talked to eachother and we were able to give eachother much needed support and actually listen to our esh that we were giving eachother, it wasnt often that we came to eachother however the support received made a mark :).
Today knowing where i am at this moment in time, I am not where i want to be, however im not freaked out and that is progress for me. This time around since i was off for the summer and came back we havent had any conflict and we also have listened to eachother again. I dont think i have ever said this to anyone before, espeically someone who could pi$$ me off so easy in the past lol . I remember then when i was going through something and you were so angry with me we fought the week before, then i posted on the board and you gave support (even when angry at me) you posted how not to let anyone get to me and to stay true to me and thank you. I dont remember word for word however i didnt forget that. IT suprised me really did. Recently we have spoken with eachohter and shared, And you suprised me again, after you listened to me and i know you were going through something also and may of needed to be listened to however you knew i was more hyper than you were and you listened in stead. I took what you said and was able to do something i havent been strong enough to do for the last 6 months. That lasted a week and i gave in again, however i know what i need to do, I think sometimes people should be told what they do for others, Sometimes we dont know the impact we leave on people. Sometimes simple words can change a thought, from that after venting and getting rid of the fear or whatever the roadblock is, comes changing what is not wanted in thier lives.
So ally i just wanted to let you know that last week, I needed someone to tell me what i needed to know so badly and you just made it so simple for me, just dont do it ok lol so i didnt . When i am going through something in my life that i fear i tend to forget the program a little bit , and i couldnt see how simple it really was and didnt know why i was so afraid and you listened and gave esh And all the rest that you told me, made a difference in the events of the last week. I felt sane again which i havent in a long while, So i just wanted to let you know that.
Thank you Ally ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))
kerry
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Life can only be understood backwards, But it must be lived forwards
And I am. I have one life, and I'm going to enjoy just being me..And if anyone doesn't like who i am. That's not my problem...All i would say to them is "look again"..
.xxx
. I remember then when i was going through something and you were so angry with me we fought the week before, then i posted on the board and you gave support (even when angry at me) you posted how not to let anyone get to me and to stay true to me and thank you. I dont remember word for word however i didnt forget that. IT suprised me really did. Recently we have spoken with eachohter and shared, And you suprised me again, after you listened to me and i know you were going through something also and may of needed to be listened to however you knew i was more hyper than you were and you listened in stead. I took what you said and was able to do something i havent been strong enough to do for the last 6 months. That lasted a week and i gave in again, however i know what i need to do, I think sometimes people should be told what they do for others, Sometimes we dont know the impact we leave on people. Sometimes simple words can change a thought, from that after venting and getting rid of the fear or whatever the roadblock is, comes changing what is not wanted in thier lives. 
ok lol so i didnt