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I am hate, hate, hating weekends these days. Number one irritation is my AH and my teen sleep and sleep. The place is a mess and during the week school and work takes up sp much energy. My AH used to always go out for most of Sat./Sun. and I would wake up my son and get the whole place cleaned up. But waking my son now leads to him sitting on the computor all day. I just can't (won't) clean in front of my husband. It makes me feel like a maid! I get really worked up and nothing good comes of it. So the mess sits, I go to yoga and then a meeting to "take care of myself", but the mess!! This is an age old problem I have never been able to solve. I know, clean it for myself! ( Fly Lady, anyone? ) ! It just hasn't worked.
I can definitely relate to how you are feeling! I have no AH to clean up after, but have an almost 20 year old daughter who makes enough mess for 10 people!
I couldn't clean fast enough to keep up with her.
I finally put my foot down and she had 24 hours to complete the cleaning at hand. What was left laying around, including clothing not washed and put away was going to the curb.
I also take the DSL cable with me when I am not at home as she no longer has internet privileges. As soon as I get my waterbed set back up in the room where my computer is, I'm getting a lock on the door and she will not be able to access the pc at all :)
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
I've developed a sort of neat-freakness myself. And it's really weird, too, because when I grew up as a kid, my room was always a pit! How it is I did a complete 180 and started being a neat freak, I have no idea.
It's probably a control thing for me there, too. I know I can control my environment and make it look the way I want, so I try to keep things clean.
Then AH steps in, throws his dirty clothing all over the floor and my controlled environment is now suddenly thrown into disarray by someone I have NO control over.
Then, I want my AH to pick up his mess so that the environment is back to the way I like things. Sometimes he picks things up, sometimes he doesn't. But any time I even open my mouth to ask him to pick up his mess, I'm always left feeling like a mean badger, no matter how nicely I try to put it.
I have come to the very grudging conclusion that if I want things a certain way, I have to do it myself. I expect things to be perfect to my standards, and no one else around me is going to have the first clue exactly what my standards are, so if I want things to be clean all of the time, then I have to accept that I'll be the one doing it.
The crux of the situation is that I find a way to do it where I do NOT become resentful of my AH. And that part is HARD!
I have to look at it in a metaphoric sense. It's the same as my working to keep myself happy emotionally by not allowing some of the mean things he says to hurt me. Keeping my mental world clean. It's very bizarre for me to think on some levels it's easier to keep my mental world clean and not allow his verbal trash to destroy my serenity, but when it comes to his dirty laundry lying in the middle of the clean room, it turns into a major point of frustration for me.
I sometimes think that perhaps if I feel I want backup in the cleaning department, knowing that I can't depend on my AH to do the job, then perhaps I should hire a maid! (Like I can afford that!). Until the time comes when I can afford a maid, I'm left with just quickly picking up the messes my AH leaves around, throwing them in a place that I don't care about its being messy that's already a portion of the house dedicated to my AH and leaving it at that.
I try to keep grudging emotion out of the equation where at all possible.
same mess here too. I figure it's AH's control issue so we can't have people stop over or invite over. I stopped having big parties here a few years ago. I've talked about having just a couple or two over. Then I think just some girls over but the house is always a mess. I have to get up the gumption to invite a friend over and then manage a corner to visit in.
this will happen for me sometime
ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
I have gotten used to the mess. My AH is retired and does virtually nothing 24/7. I am working full time. I would like the house to be cleaner but I'm afraid it's never going to happen.
I need to rest too, so I've decided that a clean house isn't worth stressing myself over.
I used to be a clean freak. But with my AH home all the time it's just a lost cause anymore.
I do agree with Aloha though the clean issue is about control. When we can control our environment I do think it makes us feel somewhat better. If and when I do find time to clean, I always feel much better afterward.
Thanks for the post,
Claudia
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
