The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night was awful. Mark asked if he could go pub and my heart sank. Then I said why did you buys cans and then go pub we dont have the money then I said he couldnt go till leah was in bed. I know I so naughty for controling it.
When he did go I didnt make a fuss. I realised what I did wrong so I didnt nag. I just give him a kiss and said see you later.
While he was gone I went into panic mode and to make myself feel better I binged on sweet stuff.
I dont know why I worried so much as he came home early and he wasnt too drunk. Then because he was drunk he just wanted to go to bed in the middle of watching a film. It annoys me so much because booze always stops us spending time together, so we went to bed and I cried myself to sleep (partly because I forgot to take my anti depressants). I was so upset because Im sick of booze getting in the way.
I keep blaming myself thinking if I could have sex with him or cooked or cleaned more he wouldnt want to drink but on the other hand I know I cant control his drinking.
I hear you on the compansionship part. IF they didn't.......then they would spend time with us and the kids, IF I was more.......then he would turn his head and look at me. It is us against the disease. Can you have a strategy for taking care of yourself like calling an Alanon friend? They tell us to focus on ourselves.
My situation was this ... my wife would get home from work before me... couple of hours before... and be drunk. Weekends were party time... so I know exactly how you feel about missing oportunities for togetherness and intimacy becasue of the drinking.
But you didn't Cause this... you Can't control it and you can't Cure it.
No amount of cooking or cleaning or offering yourself to him is going to change the way he drinks... he drinks because that is what alcoholics do.
I have to run.... but is it possible to get to a local meeting there somewhere. This board is wonderful... but having someone face to face is a whole different kind of support. Keep reaching out.
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
After 13+ years together, most of which I spent blaming myself for his drinking, I finally "got it" that it wasn't my fault at all. I really couldn't do anything to change it or make it better.
He would complain about a condition, then say that was the reason for relapsing.
Conditions for relapsing included: The sun is shining too bright There is no sun shining
It is too hot It is too cold
The daylight is too long The daylight is too short
I don't see you enough because of your work hours (then I'd change my hours, or switch jobs... only to find he would drink anyway)
We don't go on enough vacations (then I'd make sure I would go on vacations with him, only to have him relapse almost every single time we returned)
I cannot (don't want to?) remember all of the conditions... but you get the idea. I would bend over backwards to meet his demands, only to find out that he would still drink anyway. I quit bending over backwards... and I do what I want to do... what I feel is best for ME now. Yay me!
