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level.
Last week end my A hit me. he was drunk at the time.
It all started when we got in bed i pulled the covers off him and he punched me 6 or 7 times in the leg. I was under the cover so it didnt hurt too much in fact my feelings were hurt more. I have a little bruise nothing huge.
After he did it he said you cant get me in trouble because I hit you while you were under the blanket.
When I confrounted him about it he just laughted and said he doesnt remember.
I want to say this is the last time but i said it last time. He got away with it again. i dont know what to do.
There are some good links and information in the FAQ. Do please call one of them, or a local-to-you domestic violence hotline, just to talk to people who know about this stuff. Violence is not limited to alcoholic situations, and it has its own dynamics. People at a hotline can best advise you of what your options are in your own area. Maybe at least having an escape plan if you should need it - clothing, toiletries, money for a motel already in the trunk of the car, that kind of thing. "You can't do anything because it was under the covers" is hooey - you might think of documenting it even if it's just taking your own picture of the bruising, with date. I know this is frightening and demoralizing and I want you to know that regardless of what you choose to do, hitting partners is never okay - don't let him talk you into believing you "deserve" it, because you do not. Others on the board have had more direct experience and I am sure you will hear from them too, but I want you to know immediately that you are not alone and I am thinking of you.
I had a realization once... all of a sudden I realized that my wife who I would never imagine would intentionally hurt me... was totally unpredictable when drunk. That means that there is no telling what she might do. And although I am bigger and stronger, she did indeed start hitting me and when she realized I was not going to hit her back... it became an option when she was frustrated.
For you, its not only possible... but he has acturally hit you. We are always urged not to give advice, but speaking to local battered womens shelters or any resources would be my suggestion.
Nobody has to put up with abuse. Nobody!
Please take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
The A I was with hit me many times. I was devastated each and every time. I felt totally lost and fed up and isolated.
I would encourage you to reach out, call crisis lines for battered womens shelters. If there is more than one in your area look around.
Do you have a therapist. I have one currently at low cost, an intern. That helps.
read all you can on codependence and start to look at yourself, dont' focus on him, don't focus on beating yourself up (funny how we do that after someone hits us).
Get very busy on yourself, distract yourself. I don't know its necessarily a good idea to express anger at someone who is irrational and out of control (I did it obviously). One good al anon rule is not to get pulled into fighting (easier said than done).
Post on here daily, post replies to everyone who posts here, get support, get out of feeling isolated.
Go to an al anon meeting. Go out and don't be stuck inside watching and being hyper vigilant around him. I did that for years.
Let us know how you are. Go to meetings here, go to the chat group here.
This is one of those "enabling" points/situations. If you do nothing...it gets worse. It will be just as if you tell him, "It's okay...not a big thing" (JUST LIKE YOU GOT THRU TELLING US.) That's your permission to have it happen again additionally you are discounting yourself. It's permissable, you will allow it and he or anyone else doesn't have to have respect for you. Would you allow me or any other man to do that to you? I always got a resounding NO! from the wives, partners and family members who I counseled including domestic violence. Whether he was drunk or not. Whether he says he remembers or not...There is no justification for violence.
The truth about your post is that it scared and hurt you. Did it scare and hurt you enough to go for help as suggested by other family members? "Only you can save your own ass" is what I was told while growing up in this program. There is no stronger truth than that. Follow thru on the truth.
I am sorry that you got hit. I am sorry that you were abused and that the weight of fear and hurt are now firmly within you. I have to apologize for my part in that sickness. I am a pass abuser a compulsive angry, rageful, abusive man who victims were his spouses, children and others in the general public. Combine that disease with alcoholism and you are dealing with more than insanity. You maybe flirting with your own demise. Go get help as suggested and do it today or sooner.
It provides not only access to 24-hour emergency refuge accommodation, but also an information service, including safety planning and translation facilities to thousands of women who suffer at the hands of an abusive partner.
(this blurb from their website, http://www.crimereduction.homeoffice.gov.uk/domesticviolence/domesticviolence40.htm
And thank you for that number hun. I will give it a call when I can.
I am also starting a freedom course at my local womans centre. Its about helping women understand domestic violence and how to deal with it. It starts at the end of the month.
