The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It has been a long while since I posted anything.... I had ventured out into other areas of recovery and found a great deal of contentment... but still missed my MIP friends and all the E,S, and H I gathered here over the past two years. A great many things have happened in my life since I was last on here.
I am still with AH for the time being... he is still struggling with his addictions. He had 10 months of sobriety and then relapsed about 3 months ago after the news that we are expecting another baby. A's are so difficult to read. On the outside he appeared excited but on the inside must have been a different feeling and going back to using unfortunately was his choice in coping. He has calmed down a bit and has been back and forth with going back to meetings etc. Maybe its the guilt who knows. My recovery has been progressing nicely... with the help of Alanon, my sponser, and my friends I have been able to handle these things that come my way a whole lot easier than before. I am able to feel my emotions now and work through them instead of dreading them.
My kids and I have grown stronger too because we spend a great deal of time without AH. If he is at work or doesn't want to go places we go without him. It used to bother me but now I'm fine with it. We see things in our lives so differently and I'm learning to accept our differences. In the next few months we will be facing bankruptcy; which is in our best interest. We will be moving into a bigger place and for now I will be quitting work to be home with the baby. Eventually when I feel baby is strong and I feel comfortable with putting him in daycare I will find another job that doesn't have on-call and hopefully will pay more. At that time I will be able to surmise whether or not I want to continue to stay with AH. What I have learned in this program is that it doesn't really matter if their sober, dry, or active A's... there are still things left in their personality, their morals, their perceptions that the family must either accept or not. That is where I'm at now learning about whether or not I can accept some of these personality flaws that either irritate me or cause us problems because he has not learned to look at them yet.
I have also learned this past year that I can do anything or stay anywhere I need to even for just a season... putting myself and the kids in a situation of destitution is not a smart idea. Quitting my job right now not such a good idea. Learning to be patient with myself and others can still be a struggle for me. I like things to fit perfectly in its place... but time and time again this year my HP has shown me that this is not the way life works.
I have some catching up to do with you all... hope each of you is fairing well. Look forward to spending more time on here.
Peace, twinmom
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
I am so glad to hear from you. I had been wondering how you were. Congratulations on your wonderful news.
I have now severed my relationship with the A. Needless to say I still have plenty to deal with of my own issues. I am not living in ideal circumstances. I have a sponsor who is great and am working the steps diligently. Life is much better for me and harder for me at the same time. I am so glad your twins are doing well.
Like you I have tremendous financial difficulties. I am not declaring bankruptcy but I am in a real mess with my creditors and am going to pay a price for a number of years. I empathise.
I am so grateful to Al anon and to this group.
I am so happy to hear you will be back for a while. You were certainly missed.
Great to hear so much progress and I admire the serenity I hear so clearly. Also congratulations on the new baby to be - I love babies Just want to focus on the joy of your return and your news. Simply wonderful and brings me joy and hope.
hugs, ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
So nice to hear from you.... sorry to hear he is struggling, that is hard for everyone. I have to admit you do sound very good though, and that is the point - right?. *smile* You are a great Mom and you deserve to be happy and live a fulfilling life, even if your loved ones struggle.
Keep coming back!
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
