The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Despite that I may have had a not-so-great day yesterday, I really am feeling that attending Al-anon meetings frequently is really helping me a lot.
Monday night was my fifth evening meeting in a row, meaning I went Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday to meetings. The Saturday meeting was actually an open AA meeting, but many of my Al-anon friends were there, including my sponsor (the glories of living in a small town, too - familiar faces are everywhere!)
I think to myself that if I'd been only attending one meeting a week, last night could have turned out MUCH different. My admission to how I felt and the strong emotions I carried home with me could have turned into an all out guilt-ridden fight with my AH.
But the more I attend these meetings, the Al-anon ones, and the open AA meetings, the more strong I feel my foundation is beneath me.
I'm starting to notice the Al-anon members who only attend maybe once a week, if that. I see how unhappy they are - they're still struggling with the "whys" and the control on a MUCH keener level than those who attend much more regularly. Those who do attend a lot more regularly aren't perfect by any means at all - they have their moments, too, but I see some kind of strength behind them, even when they're talking about their worst traits and fears. I don't see the frequent roller-coaster tilt-a-whirl ride of emotions in them as I do in the less regular members. I used to feel exactly the same as the less regular members, too. I'm no veteran, either, though. I know some days I'm a wreck in the meetings and others I just spout off with weird thoughts, but regardless of that, I feel I'm handling my life and its challenges a lot better now than I was when I was only attending once a week.
On the piece of paper my sponsor gave me with a list of activities to accomplish, she wrote something along the lines of the following on attending meetings: Twice a week is for maintenance, three times or more a week is for growth.
My eyeballs definitely zeroed in on the "growth" word when I saw that on the list. I knew I wanted growth in this process. I didn't like where I currently was emotionally at that time, so I knew that moving from that emotional place would require growth.
Anyhow... with all that said, I'm not going to be attending a meeting tonight. I actually kind of want a night to myself - but here I am on the message board, at least, sharing my feelings and learning from other people's shares, too. I don't think there will be many days at all where I go without touching a piece of literature or talking with an al-anon friend or sponsor or attending a meeting.
Hi Aloha! Love the name! Thanks for this post, I have recently been considering looking into attending meetings and if they would help. I suppose they would, just knowing that I'm not the only one and being able to talk to others who truly understand. Family is great, but unless you have dealt with an A you really don't know how hard it is.
When I first started going to meetings, I went to at least two a week--Friday and Monday nights. I found that I really did better when I "bookended" the weekend. When my sober AH was drinking, the weekends were always the worst--nonstop drama. After he got sober and then we separated, the weekends were still so hard--too much time on my hands and too much time spent in my head.
I have been in program three years this month and I know that I need at least one meeting a week. My home group meeting is on Friday nights. It is a good way to end the week and get centered for the weekend.
However, I know myself well enough now that when I feel myself falling into obession or "stinkin thinkin" that I get myself to an extra meeting or two. Or, I go to a Sup N Share--have dinner with fellow Al-Anons and AAs and then have a speaker meeting afterwards.
It really is about self-care. I try to stay in touch with how I am doing (something i never used to do) and take corrective steps when needed. If I can't get to another meeting, I call someone on my homegroup phone list, read some Al-Anon literature, journal...whatever I need to do to get myself on track again. I know fellow Al-Anoners who attend 4-5 meetings a week, every week because that is what they need to do.
Good job on figuring out what you need to do for you!! Enjoy your evening!!
SLS
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
Thanks for sharing how attending meetings regularly has helped you. It has given me some insight on how to help my growth rather than maintenance. I am definately not at a maintenance level yet......... mercy, no where close to that.
When I can, I should attend more meetings and reach out to ask new friends at al anon to meet me for lunch maybe. I tend to isolate too much perhaps and there is so much out there for me to reach out for more support and growth. Working on that courage part..... courage to change the things I can. I hear this message from your post. Thank you!! hugs, ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
I'm with you there on the "isolate" part. I'm happy and all when I'm at meetings, and I don't mind sticking around afterwards for a little while talking with other members... but after that, I make a beeline straight for home.
I know my sponsor's been trying to get me out of my shell, laying hints about meeting after meetings with other al-anon and AA members for coffee someplace else and that sort of thing, but I still haven't got there, yet.
I definitely suffer from social anxiety. I'm great at meetings because I know what the topic's going to be, I'll totally relate to everything... but outside of meetings... who knows, because then the conversation will drift more towards other hobbies, likes, etc. that I may not be able to relate to, so I'll be left sitting there feeling awkward or even bored with not much to say... and then I get to feeling all anxious and frustrated because I want to leave because I'm bored but I'm afraid they'll think I'm being rude... (Whoah there! TONS of Al-anon issues in that paragraph!)
So yeah... I need to come out a little more, but it's tough. A really, really tough thing for me to do. When I grew up, my mom was very anti-social and didn't like us having friends over - especially not parties. She could barely even tolerate having extended family members around, too. She DEFINITELY isolates, and I know I learned a lot of my isolation behaviors from her.
When I hit my bottom, I was going to at least 2 meetings a day. Strictly alanon. I did that for 3 months. I brought my kids, I sat and nursed my baby (seems I always got called on just when she wanted to be nursed!) and I absorbed everything that was said and I applyed it all in my life. It was the only thing that saved me at that point in my life. Without it, without the people that I could call for help, I woulnd't be here today. God bless this program.
I am pretty stressed out these days so I am attending daily. It has helped me so much to manage the "stinking thinking" that gets whipped up when I am stressed out (i know myself well enough to know what to do when the distorted thinking blows up: yet another al-anon tool). I love my al-anon meetings. One hour of sanity per day, please. J.
