Hi there, I am new to the group and would like to share my story.   I have been married for 19 years and with my husband for 23 years.  We met when I was 14 and he was 15.  We had our first child at the age of 17 and it has not been easy.

He has always drunk beer and when our 3 kids were younger I remember he drank more often and always dealt with the kids in the wrong way.  Our children are now 16, 19, and 21.  The two youngest live at home and we have the most problems with the 19 yr old.  I remember just being angry and not being able to cope with them knowing he was at a bar and when hed get home he would start acting dumb.

First of all I came from a home where my father drank and I always have that ugly stomach feeling and now I have it with my husband when he drinks.  My father had a stroke 11 years ago and has changed quite a bit, his still drinks beer but not like he did in the past.  My father lives around the corner from me but I still do his bills, housing, pension and social security but he does my yard in return.

I never drank when my children were younger but have recently in the past 4 years have picked up enjoying wine.  I am a light weight and like to be in control so I dont usually drink more then 2 glasses and only on either a Friday or Saturday.

I have always been the responsible one in the relationship but I feel like I dont enjoy life 85% of the time.  During the week my husband will have a couple of beers at home but its the weekend where he sneaks hard liquor and it starts with Fridays.  When Fridays come I feel myself getting tense and when I see how much he spends it makes me angrier.

I am a week from getting my bachelors degree and would really like to pursue my Master Degree but I feel like he makes it harder.  He doesnt like to stay home on the weekend and usually needs me to go along.   I have never enjoyed time with my family and friends because he would never stay home with kids he would have to be in a bar.

When he drinks beer hes fine, but I can always tell when hes had a shot.  He sees my face and then Ill tell him you had a shot and he denies it which makes me angry.  Then on the way home he will say stuff like why am I the only person with a wife that acts like you, I dont need this I am 40 years old, he will call me horrible names and then says I bring it out of him.  I never like to speak to him when hes this way.  I always save the discussions for the next day.  He keeps saying hes tired of drinking and hes going to surprise me and quit and I keep telling him to go to program.  He is a Laborer Forman and his union does offer outpatient program.

I went to counseling for 2 years with my 19 year old son who has ADHD.  This son is always reminding me how we treated him different and his dad always whipped him.  I am the first to say that he never handled things right.

I grew up with my husbands family and watched as I got older all the issues they grew up with.  The mother is a manipulative person and I realized one day that I dont need this around my children I already deal with her son.  I am very respectful and have had one argument with her because she got drunk at my home and embarrassed us. 

I see that his mother never gave her sons love they have four and my husband is actually the most respected and the family members are constantly telling me that he would not be the man he is if it werent for me.  I feel my husband is ADD and is a weak person (doesnt know when to stop).  Hes very outspoken and I have to be constantly talking to him about thinking before he speaks.  It bugs me that I have tried to be the best mother but my children still yearn for his love.  I feel like he only notices their faults and it bothers me when he says things about my 19 year old and I think hes talking about himself but he doesnt see it.

My 21 year old daughter started college this spring and so did her boyfriend.  She has two sons and I was glad she finally made the move.  Both my mother-in-law and husband said she needs to work and support her kids.  Well she lives in a place where its according to her income and her boyfriend works.  I want my daughter to educate herself from my grandsons.

I am not an affectionate person, but husband has always been with me.  I feel like he never gives praise to my children, but am quick to point out their faults.  On Sunday was the first time he said my mother never loved me and always put me down.  I answered with can you see that is what youre doing to your children?

I am here because I need advice; I did order the two books that were recommended on the site.  Please share your thought.  Thanks