The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi guys, I am a few weeks away from returning to the general vicinity of where my AH lives. We will not be living together (thank god) but we will be within closer proximity. I am having a wide range of responses, as you can imagine. Just kinda riding it out, not reacting (or acting in any way), just observing myself right now.
Anyway, because I am moving back, some of our mutual friends have gotten in touch via email. One of them had some things to say about my AH and about our marriage problems. Then another. I felt rotten about hearing about this (what their perspectives were and unsolicited advice) but decided that BECUZ I was having some strong negative feelings that MAYBE I needed a boundary 'cause I was starting to feel my serenity shaking.
SO, I decided that I needed to make a policy (a boundary). I decided that I am not going to talk about my AH with any of our mutual friends. When the subject comes up, I am simply going to say: I do not wish to discuss my relationship with AH with you. I appreciate your concern and value our friendship but I am not interested in discussing this with you. Then, if they persist or have a problem with this, there's some true colors for me to consider.
I talked about this with a program friends here and she said that it was really clear and simple and made sense. I felt pretty proud of myself. I think that this might be my very first truly conscious "boundary" making situation.
As a result, I feel like I no longer have a problem. My problem is gone 'cause it was solved by ME making a boundary. And I really believe it and will stick to it. I am not interested in talking about David or my marriage to him with anyone who is a mutual friend. I am only interested in focusing on myself and how I am doing. So, its like magic! I love this program!!! Thank you for listening. Hugs, J.
Way to go, Jean. It feels so good when we step up and take hold of our lives. Sounds like they're going to see a new you when you get back. It'll be interesting for you to see how dynamics change in all of your relationships now that you've made such internal shifts in your life.
