The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi all. I am so grateful to have found this forum.
I've recently come to the realization that my husband is a functioning alcoholic. In recent years, i have told myself, "he drinks too much" but because he never became abusive, never missed work, etc, I didn't think that could classify him as an alcoholic. We've been married almost 4 years. We have an 18 month old child.
His drinking has steadily increased over the years. And his beer gut seems to be expanding exponentially lately. All he does is watch TV, play video games, and drink beer. If someone asked me what his interests were, those 3 things would top the list. It's so frustrating because I'm an outdoors-y person, I want to travel, i want to get out of the house, but all he wants to do is stay home.
I kind of want to complain about our...well..intimacy issues too. But since this is a family forum, I'm not sure it's appropriate.
Today I added up his credit card bill and our bank statement and realized that for the month of March, he spent $350 on booze! I want to throw up. I have noticed the amount of empties around the house and commented on it, but since he drinks alone, i don't think I was fully aware of the extent. He has also hid beer from me in the past.
I asked him recently to cut down on his drinking, but I don't believe he will. Is it even possible for someone like him to cut down? Do they have to quit completely?
Sorry if I'm rambling a bit here, I just feel so angry and lost right now.
Welcome to MIP, this family is for you and I am so grateful that you found us.
You will find so many people here have a story to tell and relate to what you say. The fact is he is stuck in his place and you are stuck in yours. You cannot change him, you can only change you. So, first off. In Al-anon, we concentrate on us and what we can change in us for a better quality of life.
No one will advice you what to do, they will share their experiences, hopes and fears and support you as you work your own programme through the 12 Step Programme. There are many here who are, and I mean time in the nicest possible way, 'old timers' with years and years of experience in working their programmes. There are many who are new too, so don't feel you are alone.
What we learn is that alcoholism is a disease and with it comes a whole lot of sickness. Sickness not only for the A but also for those around the A. There are face to face meetings (f2f), which are a great help and wonderful for real hugs and there is literature that is available too. You need to find out as much as you can about the situation that you find yourself facing now and then start to work your own programme.
Pull up a chair, make yourself comfortable and read as much as you like of others from the previous posts on the message board. You will find that your experiences will have been shared by others and you will learn how they managed their situations. Come here and post as often as you feel the need, the (((((((family))))))))) will read and share and be here for you.
We come here to find recovery, and a healthier lifestyle and a positive way to deal with this insidious disease. We find comfort in knowing that we are not alone in the world, that others have been in similar situations and that there is a good way to change our own responses to enable ourselves to become more focussed on our part of the ship - as it were.
Right now I will send you a cyber (((((hug or too)))))) and hope that others will follow too and repeat my welcome. Keep coming back.
Suzannah
__________________
Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
(((((Roxymom))))) Welcome to the "family". Here you will find courage, strength, love, and even hope when you think all hope is gone. The people here are wonderful and have been where you are and many still are there. But with the help of the 12 steps and meetings, we find a way to live. A new way to live. Even if thier partner still drinks. You have made the first step, seeking help. When I made that step, I thought it was to help him, but with going to meetings and listening to the things people share, I realized it's to help me. That's what Al-Anon is all about...helping YOU.
Please post as much as you like, or as little. Keep coming back, because it DOES work if you work it!
You have found help. Please find face to face meetings. Even if the people don't seem to "match" you exactly the experiences will bless, guide and show you you are not alone. The face to face meetings are everywhere so if you don't like one go to another and give them several, like 6 or 10 tries before you give up. When I started going more than one time a week is when I really found direction. People will listen, not judge, not matter what and offer help. It is all I know that saved my peace of mind. It seems like alot of time and energy but my day doesn't seem any shorter due to it. Seems more productive. This board helps alot too but can not substitute for face to face! Good luck, Blessings and Welcome Home!!!
My ex also spent a lot of time playing games. In fact last year I think he spent an entire month playing them. The odd thing for me is in surrendering to these issues and accepting them I was able to detach. When I was in rage mode it was like I was stuck to him like superglue. No one can suggest you do or should do anything. You have a "right" to your feelings. Nevertheless there are lots of tools in al anon that can help. I found detachment, making a plan b and sounding off here very helpful. These days I don't sound off as much (not just because I dont' live with the A ) but because I'm pretty focused on finding solutions. I have a sponsor and work the steps as best I can. I also am willing to look at me. I'm glad you are here. This is a wonderful place that can change your l ife.
Jennifer 