The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
you wrote: How can anyone love and accept others until they can truely love and accept themselves? hmmm is that why he can say certain things and then just appear to sweep them under the rug?
High expectations with no room for failure/ not seeing alot of love and acceptance growing up/ seeing lots and lots of condemnation and abandonment?Threats and controll? and more control and more control (sorry to repeat but you would have to meet his mother)!
Your statement really hit home with me and shines some light on some real questions I am dealing with.
Trying to stay focused on me and why I do what I do and seems reasonable to look at this to a certain extent also.
I want to let you know your post really pointed me in a right direction of some things I need to understand and hopefully that is one of the main reasons for us all sharing. You were used by HP to bless someone today and I wanted you to know.
I felt that way too, Glad. I needed to look at some of the why so I could understand the disease aspect better. It gave me empathy toward him when I could see it not as a moral issue. I realized he was not doing these things TO me. He was just very sick. Now I liken it to a chemo patient throwing up on me. The verbal puke that spews out of their mouths is just the same. Until they get enough recovery, they just don't seem to be able to control it. That doesn't mean I have to allow it. I can learn to set boundaries and protect myself, which brings us back to our own program and what we can do for ourselves today.
I think this round about process helped me a lot. As long as it gets us back around to ourselves it can be very freeing of much resentment and give us the confidence to say to ourselves, "His behavior just isn't about me. It's a symptom of his disease."
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
I am pleased this gave you some comfort. I will pass on the thanks to those I learned it from and that is this wonderful MIP family and my al anon meeting. It is not easy at all because there is so much I wish or want the A to do but that brings us to the serenity prayer and back to ourselves. I have mentally tried to remember what others here have said - picture a band aid or the letters SSS for sick sick sick on their forehead to remind ourselves like Jen says that it is just the verbal puke from another sick soul. Back to helping ourselves~~~
I needed to review this AGAIN right now myself. hugs, ddub
__________________
"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
