"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

Loupiness · ~*Service Worker*~

Would this be bad?

Karilynn · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((((((((Lou)))))))),

I am so sorry you are going through this. I would not tell his councelor about this. They are trained to know what is going on. His recovery is up to him. What he tells his councelor is between the two of them. Allow him the dignity to work his recovery the way he chooses. He's an adult. (I know it doesn't always seem that way to us.)

I would never tell my husband's psychaitrist what was going on. The only exception was when he went into the ICU because the ER doctors took him off his meds without talking to her. I insisted that they talk to her as she was right across the street and they never did! I had to tell her that I had him leave 2 weeks before because his drinking had gotten out of hand. I didn't feel great about this. But this was a medical decision that had to be made. I knew taking him off the meds would be dangerous. They actually caused him seizures that were not from the alcohol withdrawl.

This is the only time I would ever contact the councelors/doctors. It may be hard for you I know. But one of the most valuable lessons I learned from my recovery is to leave his recovery up to him. What he chooses to tell (or not to tell) the councelors in his meetings are none of my business. If wants to share later with me that's up to him. I don't ask. He would treat me the same way. Working my program is the best thing I can do. Love and blessings to you and your family.

Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty

glad · ~*Service Worker*~

ugh! So sorry it is hard to watch them act so childish!
I wouldn't get involved with his doctor, but would get a good attorney and protect the heck out of my business interest, whatever that may require.
If it were me I would need a hard case attorney that wouldn't let me mix my emotional interest with business and would force me to protect myself.
Keep in mind a year or two from now you may feel totally different about him (or not) but you will feel better for you if you know you did the best you could to protect yourself! Love him but love yourself more!!(or protect yourself more than you love him at least, protect yourself not from him but from the sickness that is infecting all our lives).

tryingtoheal · Veteran Member

I'm so sorry about the office manager quitting. Hugs to you!! I think in my case the sex is also an addiction, Its the rush and excitement when the alcohol isn't there. It's all part of this horrible disease that has torn our familes apart. Instead of calling his doctor go buy yourself some flowers, or a flower, today and put your energy into you - not them. You are worth it!!

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

I dunno Lou.... that business is keeping you tied to him, both financially, and obviously emotionally.... you're still "taking his inventory", and very much in HIS recovery (believe me, I recognize this from personal experience, as I read through your post).

I obviously don't know the answer for you, but I'd encourage you to re-visit the concept that you can't sell/walk away from/ change the business without his assistance, and ask yourself "at what personal cost to you?". I'm concerned that this one is keeping you from YOUR recovery and moving forward....

Take care
Tom

Jen · ~*Service Worker*~

I would agree with Tom that there is probably something that can be done to protect yourself financially, but I would hazard a guess that, that something, is not pleasant for some reason or other. You may have to take a financial hit in order to be able to back away from this if it is what is needed for your recovery. We are all affected by their bad decisions. We still have to learn how to stay out of their end of it and work on ourselves. I can't even imagine how much it must hurt for you to know this affair still continues, but you cannot stop it no matter what you do. Telling the psych is just going to make you more crazy. I would try really hard to get rid of those bills, maybe give them to your attorney as evidence, or just have a bonfire.

(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) to you. This disease is so frustrating.

serendipity · ~*Service Worker*~

For me, it came to a point where I no longer cared. Who, what, when, where, just was done with it all. And yes, his GF is just a symptom of his disease. The cost to my sanity was too great. Money and lack of it or projection of lack of it no longer held me back from letting go. I am divorced, I have no contact at all with my ex and I am still connected. I do not want to be and I do everything I am supposed to so that the "connection" will be broken and it hasn't happened yet. Do what you have to Lou. Time takes time. When I was still "in" I would have definitly called the therapist. And I mean when I still had hope that some how, someway we would be together again, down the road, after we were all better. I no longer have that hope because I chose to let it go. I wanted to live, I wanted to give my kids more than a half of a marriage and half of a mother. What's your real motive? I know it sounds all good to say it would be to help him and maybe save the business but really, what your motive. I always feel better when I "tell" on him but I do come off looking like the psyco who is way too involved with a guy who couldn't really give a flying fig about me. Be careful. I know how hard this is and like I said do what you feel you need to and be ok with that. You are the only one you have to live with forever, everyone else will come and go.

debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

My experience is I sure wanted to tell his counselor, he lied, he tried to kill himself twice.
I didn't do it. How would that be taking care of me?

hugs lou,debilyn

Tenderheartsks · ~*Service Worker*~

I also agree with what Tom said, and also speak from personal experience.

Either let go of it all or continue to dance the dance of insanity. For me, it didn't matter if it was the 2-step, the polka, or the mamba, it was still insanity biggrin

carolinagirl · ~*Service Worker*~

Tough one. I say as long as you are making decisions that benefit yourself then you are working in the right direction, the question is ... Is him getting it together reality or fantasy? There were many many many times I bailed out the A thinking I was helping myself by helping him. That was a complete delusion and you know the consequences are usually never as bad as you believe they will be. I agree that the business is keeping you tied to him. I had the same situation with a house and 2 cars. ONe car still has his name on it. If I could get a loan for a new car (I can't) I would take the hit on my credit and just let this one go! I don't like the idea of him having ANY influence on my life because he inevitably uses it for evil and not good!!!

ddub · ~*Service Worker*~

oh Lou,

Now the office mgr quit, sigh. And the texting bill looks like the business is still gonna sink, darn it, no matter what you do to help. I can feel the pain & dissappointment you have. I remember hearing to listen to their actions rather than an A's words. We all want so bad to have hope in the words A's say but it seems to always dissappoint. Frustration big time. I guess hope belongs in the wisdom of knowing what we can change.

Good to hear you are moving forward on decisions you do have control over like filing for divorce. This is such a painful, baffling, cunning disease - moving on never seems to come fast enough but glancing back, look how far you have come! Flowers of celebration for your courage and progress sounds mighty fine.

Lots of hugs, ddub

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"