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My son is an alcoholic! Why is he so mean and rotten to the core? He treats me like a piece of shit! He talks to me with no respect! Anything I say he has to argue with me, I am never right about anything in his opinion. I don't like being around him, he is very toxic. Has anyone experienced this behavior with their alcoholic? I want to tell him I don't want to be around him unless he becomes sober and changes his attitude. But, I'm afraid that may be never. Please advise me, I'm desparate for some advice.
This disease makes them act that way. When my AH is drunk, his personality is totally different than it is when he is sober. He is very argumentative, and anything I say will set him off.
When he is like that I prefer not to have any interaction with him whatsoever. I have told him that I will leave the room if he starts with me, and I will hang up on him if he calls me on the phone and starts to argue. I simply will not partcipate in it. If he tries to continue I will leave the house and go visit with friends, or go shopping or to a meeting. I just will not tolerate the verbal abuse. This is a boundary I have set in our relationship.
You do not have to tolerate abuse from your son.
Keep coming back we are a family here, and have all experienced many of the things you are going through. We will be able to offer you our Experience, Strength, and Hope.
Love and Blessings,
Claudia
-- Edited by cookie1971 at 23:28, 2008-04-03
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
Your question, why is he so mean? hits home with me because I used to ask that so often. When I happen to find compassion rather than revenge or anger, I can see he is mean because that might be all that he feels for himself due to how he was treated or high expectations with no room for failure. How can anyone love or accept others unconditionally until they can love and accept themselves for who they are? Acceptance is such a big key to love. I am still working on all this and it makes just a little more sense each day. Sometimes I think A's are even more mean to those they love so we stop loving them to prove them right that they are unloveable - dumb childish game that I too have played a long with in a childish manner. Definately not clear to me but hope this helps somehow.
hugs, ddub
-- Edited by ddub at 01:18, 2008-04-04
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
One of the things we can learn here is to say with compassion and empathy and honesty what we do mean and then turn the future over to our HP along with our alcoholic/addict. I've been told that this is a simple program for complicated people. With my son I used compassion, empathy and honesty and then he was gone. It works when I work it. Give us a try. Welcome home. Take a chair and sit down and read and listen. Get to as many face to face meetings as you can for the next 90 days and get as much literature as you can find and read it all. Learn about the 12 steps and 12 traditions from others in the program and start your practice. Look for someone with the peace of mind and serenity that you like and want and ask them if they would sponsor you and your journey in recovery.
Some day you may come to see the difference twix your son and your alcoholic. When the latter goes the former arrives back home. Go HP!!
My AH is an addict, he is horribly mean. I learned over time, he is mean because he feels so awful physically and he feels so guilty.
I also believe with kids, they will let their "stuff" out more with mom because she is safe and they know they will be loved anyway.
I learned to set boundaries with people. It is hard, I relate there too. My son is not A but he can be so moody. I finally told him I needed to be treated with respect.
We did not talk for a couple months. About killed me. But now we are very ok again.
Please don't take it personal. It is the sickness in him talking. Keep coming back to MIP. There are meetings here, a chat room and people to pm too for more one on one help.
