The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Two weeks ago today my mom's funeral was just ending. Since that time I have been on the roller coaster. Flew home, saw spouse through unsuccessful surgery and now we have TWO more invasive surgeries on the calendar during next six weeks. I have moments flashing back on Mom's life....how my folks scrimped and saved and never treated themselves to anything!! My mom, until she coudn't anymore, worked in a terribly inferior kitchen, did the slavery type housework from decades ago, didn't buy new clothes, took no vacations, etc. I just get upset and angry thinking about it...how they lived like paupers when they didn't have to. I admit feeling some anger toward my Dad...perhaps unfairly. Mom had over 200 people at her funeral. She was such an easygoing, sweet person. Truly one of those great women who sought peace with everyone, tried to heal and solve problems, was a teacher of handicapped teens, was an obedient/loving wife for 68 years, and an exemplary mother to me. I miss her so much around 2 PM each day when I always called to talk. Her final months she was gasping for breath and her mind was foggy, but I could hear her voice. I am thankful I had two days with her prior to her passing. I am thankful that my son also had two days with her. She died not knowing about his divorce; we kept that news from the family and still do....not a good thing, I guess. But my son did not want the family to know, so I respected that. Now I don't know why I am posting this today. I just am going through grief I guess. I am 65 years old, but I still want my mama. If you still have yours to see or call, don't hesitate. Go or call today. If you have issues with her, take the step and make amends as best you can. There will come a day when it will be too late. I am grateful that I can say with clear conscience my mom and I loved and respected one another. She was the one person I could depend on and now she is gone. Thank God for her and thank God she is at peace and not suffering anymore.
I know that the circumstances of my health, my husband's health, our son's mess and intermittent binges are coloring my outlook on life just now. I just needed to write it down and try to get through one more day. Thanks for listening. I am trying hard to be in control of my own reactions to everything and to choose peace.
My mother was a huge martyr. She lived in deprived circumstances all her life. I am immensely sad about it. I am also angry. I understand that it consumed her. I also understand that I have to face it and that's terrible difficult. Your post helped me in being willing to look at that.
Please be gentle with yourself. Grief is a process and you could be feeling all these emotions and more.
One thing to hold on to is that you have been blessed to have a good relationship with your mother and closure, which some people do not get the chance of. Hold on to the good things and try to leave the rest behind you, although the process will include moments that take you by surprise.
In the meantime, remember that we who are left behind have a responsibility to get on with living, the best way we can and you have a lot of living left to do.
Measure each day and fill it, it will not come again. It is early days. I am awaiting the news of my FIL funeral ( he died on 31 March, and memory is still fresh and raw), and until that has taken place I feel I am in limbo: however in another sense I realise that I have to get on with living each day and walking step by step, taking hold of whatever is put before me by holding the hand of the God of my understanding and saying the following Al-anon Prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change Courage to change the things I can And the wisdom to know the difference.
Suzannah
-- Edited by Suzannah at 17:27, 2008-04-03
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
No matter what age you are, the loss of a parent is painful. I too miss my parents. I lost my Mom at the oh so tender age of 19 and Dad when I was 35. What I try and remember is that I was fortunate to have any time with them. I could have lost them when I was a baby and have no memories. Cherish the memories you have of her. They will comfort you.
Remember too dear lady, you all did the best you could at any place and time. So be gentle with yourself. I remember going through the gamut of emotions when she passed. But there will come a place and time when it won't always be so. Let no one tell you how you should be grieving or for how long. Just try and be good to yourself. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I hope the surgeries go well. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
So very sorry about the loss of your Mom. It has been 12 hears on March 29 since I lost my Mom, and last Dec 21 it was 9 years since my Dad passed away. I still miss them both very much. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of them.
Cherish the memories you have, I can tell that you were a very good daughter and that you had a very special relationship with your Mom. She was very lucky to have had a daughter such as you.
I will pray that your HP will give you special comfort as you grieve the passing of your Mom.
Love,
Claudia
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
Thanks for posting your feelings. I cannot even think about the day that I will lose my mom. We do so much together. I haven't been calling her as much as I have been so busy. Thanks to your post I am going to change that.
Just wanted to send you some comfort and to know you are in my thoughts.
Love in recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
