Do you have a spiritual background anywhere?

If no - is it that you're atheist or agnostic?

I heard one member at a meeting share that at the beginning he simply didn't have a clue about what a higher power was, but he decided to make a heater in his apartment a higher power because it radiated warmth. He'd heard people talk about how their HPs give them a "warm" feeling, so he decided to make his heater the HP.

I've heard many people turn their Al-anon groups into their HP.

If you're not atheist or agnostic, perhaps now would be a good time for you to just explore various faiths? And I tell you the same as with Al-anon meetings, when looking for a faith you can agree to "Take what you like and leave the rest." All that matters in a search for spiritual faith is that you find some sense of a HP you can believe in and trust - NOT fear.

One thing I'm strongly reminded of often is that my HP doesn't want me to be miserable. My HP loves me and only wants the best for me. My HP is not vindictive or ready to lay down punishment upon me any time I slip up. Not my HP's "deal". My HP is there to support and love me. Having that kind of belief in my HP helps me with my Al-anon steps all the more.

But your sponsor is right, I've heard of many people making it through the steps and the program without a firm, specific HP.

I hope this helped.

Hi Lisa444,

I have had trouble understanding HP as well.  I found that knowing I am not the highest power helped me.  I guess I looked at it as math.  If I am not the highest power, then there must be a higher power than me.  I also look at it in a way of letting go such that things that happen may not happen for a reason, but they still happen and that's ok.  It can be a conundrum, and you are working your steps and your sponsor is working with you.  A great sponsor/sponsee relationship is key.  Perhaps your HP is your search for an HP???

Best - always

Aloha Lisa...You might be trying too hard.  When I surrender or abandon myself to the God of my understanding...I stop trying.  I let go and relax and I kill any expectation of how, when, where or in what form my higher Power will reveal itself to me.   Since I am human...I am limited.  Because I am limited it is better to let go completely and let my higher Power do the revealing. 

I have had more than my share (my opinion only) of "God shots" and/or miracles.  I  have had others including my wife witness the contacts my HP has made with me.  Each and every one of them has been to let me know that I am not alone and should not resort to fear and that no matter what I am and will continue to be whole and blessed.  I have had those seemingly "God shots" when a check came in the mail just when I needed it and after praying to God with my need and those phone calls that let me know I got the job or the loan
and the like.  I've also heard the voice of my spirital Higher Power personally
in times when I was to be guided.  I have also had professional persons tell me
that the outcomes to work they were providing to me were beyond their scope and understanding.  Some actually have said that there were events happening
that involved them and me that were bigger than them...miracles...again my word rather than the one they wouldn't say.

My understanding is that we are all worthy and we are all in ways different from each other and regardless of the differences we are all worthy.  I learned from this then to believe that I am worthy and because that awareness and faith is necessary in my life of recovery I surrender to it and my relationship with the
God of my understanding grows and I see more and hear more and understand more and I always get that more...because my HP finds me worthy.  We are all worthy.   Believe it.

One of my sponsee's drives his situation constantly.  He constantly is "trying".  He believes that if he tries harder and long enought he will eventually get it or something he will understand can only come from God.  He is discouraged.  He is trying because he wants the "pay off".  He is trying with the expectation that he will "get something".  He is too busy and too noisey and too anxious and
still in withdrawal from his alcoholic/addict holding onto resentments against her and himself.   No one can hear or see or experience a Higher Power under these conditions because the conditions and the purpose is the higher power.  He has practiced letting go and is amazed at what happens and then like the alcoholic/addict is compulsed to doing the same things over again expecting different results...he earns insanity and by passes the understanding that a power greater than himself on all levels; mind, body, spirit and emotions has what he is yearning for if he will turn again to practicing "abandoning himself to God rather than surrendering himself to God."  In surrender he doesn't turn over his weapons he stops fighting and keeps the weapons ready for the next event.  I prefer the picture of a naked child wrapped in a blanket laying on the doorstep of my Higher Power completely dependent and totally reliant upon who resides beyond the door. 

If you have an ODAT daily reader look up the subject of surrender until you find Dr. Harry Tibout's words on the difference between the conscious and subconscious levels.  I would like to hear your perceptions on his work in our literature and for the AA program.

Some people call what you are reaching for a "White light experience".  You'll have yours because you are worthy and you can abandon yourself to your HP.

(((((hugs)))))

Lisa,
I've personally not had trouble with the idea of HP, but I know many do. Something that Christy just posted sparked a memory from years ago for me. My LOVE is the ocean, and I spend as much time there as possible. I can remember years ago, during a time when I was particularly down, I went to the ocean and just stood there looking at it. I became overwhelmed by the immensity and power of that water. It was not only beautiful, but it was endless, and it had great powers. Powers to sustain the life going on inside of it, powers to heal (the salt is wonderful for healing wounds), powers to move land, and ultimately the power to destroy (as during a hurricane, tsunami or other bad storm) thus completely changing things. So as I was looking at the ocean, I thought how much it reminded me of HP. Very powerful, beautiful, healing, and life sustaining.

Sometimes just finding an image to hold onto can help us discover an HP.

Best of luck,
R3

I sometimes find that it is NOT helpful to expect to HEAR something as it is often plainly understood as hearing someone speaking to you in a voice that can be heard.

We HEAR in many ways and it is not often that a voice actually speaks to "you". In my experience, I have often heard something in a something someone else has said by chance, something has happened as a result of something that I have been doing, or I have experienced a knowing that all was well, or thought of something that suddenly seems to be right.

Again, it is my experience that the happening and the link that is made with that HP, is brought about in a most unexpected way but I have recognised it by the feeling it has brought, a feeling of it being right and the way to go, or the confirmation through something that has happened or been enacted or been said via a third person unconnected to me and what I am thinking, doing, saying.

Sometimes the realisation of my HP has been in something most unexpected and it has only been made apparent when I have not been striving to hear a miraculous "voice" speak to me.

I agree with Jerry, it is in the letting go and the waiting and the watching that we encounter our HP and realise our HP may have been inside of us all along.

Sometimes what we are expecting and what we think we should be looking out for, or listening for is not at all what or where or how we come to meet up with our HP. It takes time and practice to recognise and realise that our HP can often take on many facets and it is in the letting go and the confidence in ourselves; and on occasions that I have recognised my HP, who is the God of my understanding when least expecting to do so.

At times I can honestly say I have not been in the right place, in the right frame of mind, and not ready for the God of my understanding to reveal himself to me and that is why a meeting has not taken place. Your HP will be identifiable at the right time and in the right place, for whatever the reason in time.

It is my opinion that one has to be ready for the experience, and in the right frame of mind and in the right place, and until that is the case I have always simply practiced patience whilst continuing to continue working on me...and eventurally, and most often, I have met my HP when I least expected.

As long as I have not felt that I am doing something totally wrong I have continued to strive to correct those things I have felt were in need of correction and tended not to worry about things that have not happened or been experienced. I know you will meet with your HP and come to understand your HP because you are striving to do so and at the right time, that will happen.

Keep on keeping on,
Suzannah

What an impressive program. I am 3 years into this program plus.  I did not see much change for me for a long long time. For some of us it is a long hard slog through so much stuff.  I do know its been hard for me to grasp the issues of turning it over, seeing HP present in my life and more.  I do enjoy recovery. I enjoy having a respite from the craziness I was in.  I am really incredibly impressed with your dedication.

I think sometimes it is a long hard road for some of us.  Nevertheless it is very much worth the effort, commitment and dedication.

maresie.

((((Lisa))))) can you look back and see how you were taken care of? For me, that is where my HP is. I mean, I pray, daily, I am beginning to meditate, but my faith is being built on my past. When I look back and see how it worked out and I am ok and my kids are ok, then I hear, see, feel my HP.