The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I no longer have to worry about the A comming home with drugs or drunk, or not comming home at all. I no longer sit by the window (literally) and feel my stomach drop whenevr I see headlights round the corner. I do not have to wonder who he is talking to, or who he is sleeping with. And the big one is I do not have to be scared to go to sleep because I don't if he is going to snap in the middle of the night and kill me. I don't ever have to be scared of him physically attacking me ever again. I am no longer that woman. I no longer have that fear!!! Yes, it's been a year since he decided that we couldn't be friends, it's been since sept. that I've had any contact. But someone said in my meeting friday night that she wallowed in the grief of her marriage ending until she realized that she would never have to worry about waking up in a urine soaked bed because her husband had passed out again. And I had that lightbulb moment of "Me neither!!!" I will never have to hear about crack deals gone bad, I will never have to snoop thru my own glovebox in my car just to make sure there is nothing illegal in there. I can forget the "drug language" I had learned from him. I can now be what I always wanted to be and that is someone who has NO knowledge of drugs. I told my husband years ago that I was not the wife of a crackhead. And now.....I'm NOT!!!! The next man that I keep alive till the paramedics get there will not be dying because of a drug overdose, it will be because he is old. LOL! And when he wakes up in the ER he will thank me, not hate me. There are the positives in this divorce. It really was unavoidable in the end. I am simply NOT the wife of a crackhead!!!
Congratulations serendipity on NOT being the wife of a crackhead!! I am so happy that you can see joy in your future again. Your post is full of hope and healing for those of us still stuggling with these issues. I am not the wife of a guy who watches porn and child porn anymore. But my 10 year old daughter still gets the privilege of seeing him once every other Saturday undersupervision. I wish that night mare would go away, as her grandfather is a child mosester too. He molested his own son, my ex-husband. Someday my daughter will be an adult and will have to deal with her dad on her own terms, but for now I know I must follow court ordered visitation and thank God that I have it.
Seren, Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Your post was exactly what I needed to read. Sometimes I can get SOOOO caught up in the "I miss the _____ (whatever the thought of the moment is that I miss about my A)", that I forget that I'm NOT worrying if he'll keep his job, if he'll drive drunk, if he'll spend all of the money, if he'll embarass me, if he'll do what he said he was going to do, if he'll come home, if he'll be coherent enough to have a conversation with me (or anything with me), if the cops pulled him over, if he's alive or not, etc. etc. etc.
I'm grateful today that I haven't had to WORRY about him. I'm very grateful.
((((((((((((((((((((((Serendipity)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am overjoyed at your miracle and delighted that you too have come to a very important milestone along your own pathway to recovery from the past and have broken those chains.
So, very very happy for you.
With love, Susannah
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
WOOHOO! What a great share. I am so happy for you. Now shout it on top of the roofs, dance naked in the streets, do whatever you want to do! What a relief and burden off your back. Celebrate you! Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Sometimes that helps me too - to remember all the things I don't have to deal with anymore. Now I hear those stories and think ya ok whatever... I am wiser but I am also capable of walking away and I wasn't before!
Now shout it on top of the roofs, dance naked in the streets, do whatever you want to do! What a relief and burden off your back. Celebrate you! Much love and blessings to you and your family.
