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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> MY Addiction
Post Info TOPIC: MY Addiction
Aloha


~*Service Worker*~

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MY Addiction
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This was blabbering on and on in my brain last night as I attempted to try to go to sleep.

I was reflecting on MY addiction.

My addiction is obsession, the illusion of control over others, worry.

My addiction isn't triggered by drinking, inhaling or injecting a poisonous substance into my body. It's all in my mind. I can trigger it myself without the aide of any substance.

That kind of spooks me in a way. I think to myself, "At least the alcoholics can learn to stay away from the bottle." How do I learn to stay away from my mind?

I laugh to myself because when I came to Al-anon, I knew, in general, the program was about changing myself. But I didn't realize how deep that rabbit hole went. I thought it was all an exercise on learning how not to react to my AH.

Just don't react to your AH, and you'll be fine.

Oooh no. It goes much further than that. Simply not reacting is just the tip of the ice burg. Under the waterline, though, is the massive icy chunk of outrage, worry, fear, and obsession that's ready to punch a big hole in my ship named "Serenity".

So now I'm having to learn how to steer FAR away from that ice burg. It's not simply not reacting to my AH. It's also quieting the explosion of emotions that occur under my non-reaction.

This is where the tools come in. The Steps.

If I work them, then that explosion of emotions starts to become quieter and quieter and then I stop having to react to myself.

This Al-anon program is some powerful stuff.

I'm grateful every day that I come here, read literature, attend a meeting, talk with another Al-anon member.

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Just For Now


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Your addiction is seemingly similar to my own.

Loved your post!  It touched me where I think I needed it to.  Thanks! wink

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Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.
Mandy123


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Aloha,
There must have been something in the air last night.

I was lying there pitcuring my hub with this other woman, and obsessing on it, and then getting on myself for obsessing about it. lol then i was obsessing about obsessing. It was the insanity at its best.

I need to let go. Easier said than done, but I know HP will show me how to do it.

Yours in recovery,
Mandy

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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall

God is seldom early, but he is never late.
round3


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I always say that my head is a dangerous place to be. I even had this discussion with my A last week. Something came up about me living in my head and how dangerous that was; and he responded that NO PLACE was more dangerous than HIS head. He's battling alcohol; and I'm battling obsessing on him and trying to control things. All of these battles are waged in our heads. It's huge for me. This program is helping me TREMENDOUSLY, though. Truly a miracle.

~R3

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Aloha


~*Service Worker*~

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UGH!

I just got a phone call from my AH - what's the first thing out of his mouth? "Hey cuckoo-brain".

Great.

Well, my knee-jerk reaction was "he's reading some of the al-anon stuff I leave out and is using it to pick at me."

Made me mad thinking that.

But then just as I started to type that in here, I figured, well... yeah. I may as well own it. If I don't own it, I can't work on it. So every time he calls me that (and he will now because I got annoyed with him "Why are you calling me that???"), I'll just use it as a reminder that I'm working on myself.

Besides. He's got a cuckoo-brain, too... being an A and ACA and all. ;)

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cookie1971


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Ah, obsession. Now theres my addiction too. I am guilty of this for sure.

Control is a bit of a problem as well. All the more reason to attend as many meetings as I can, and read as much AlAnon CAL as I can get my hands on. If I could just learn to trust in my HP a little more.

I too am a work in progress. While I'm not there yet, I am quite a bit closer to where I want to be.

Thanks for sharing,

Claudia



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A person's a person no matter how small  --Dr Suess
Jean4444


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OH YEAH BABY!

I am furiously working on my thesis paper (70 plus pages) that is due this coming Friday.

OF COURSE, my little ol' laptop is starting to fizzle and sizzle...so I start freaking out and obsessing about it...and practically make myself SICK worrying about it. AS OPPOSED TO: thinking OK, if HP chooses to fry my laptop right this minute, that is a part of his divine plan, so be it- I mean maybe the love of my life is waiting at the Apple Store Genius Bar, right? Or maybe some other incredibly wonderful thing will happen BECAUSE my computer dies, etc. etc. I can leave it in HP's hands. Ditto my car that is 20 years old, etc. etc. so be it, I am in good hands...Hugs, J.

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round3


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Ha - Jean - it's obvious that you and I are counting on the same HP to come through for us in our times of trouble! I think the same way. When something crappy happens, I start thinking......what will this rotten situation bring me.....or more honestly....WHO will this rotten situation bring me? lol

Silver linings.........I depend on them.

~R3

-- Edited by round3 at 16:59, 2008-03-29

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Maria123


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Aloha,

I hope this helps you and others.

yours in recovery,
Maria

O         out of control reaction to people, places, things and events.

B         balance between emotional and rational behavior disappears.

S          sense of where I begin and the object of my obsessions ends becomes blurred.

E          expectations replace reality, which results in resentments.

S          serenity is based on things over which I have no control.

S          sanity is lost when I do the same things over and over insisting upon my will.

I           isolation, due to my preoccupation, replaces fellowship.

O         order is replace by secrets, manipulations, and shame for my actions.

N         neediness, desperation, and demanding attitudes dominate my interactions.

 

Source:  Julie in New York



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If I am not for me, who will be?  If I am only for myself, then who am I?  If not now, when?
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