Good luck. My ex was a bipoar 1 crack addict. Sometimes he believed that and worked really hard to stay clean and sane and then he would go off the meds and start back with the crack. He has an issue with consistency (that's putting it nicely). Anyway, in all the attempts at rehab and sobriety and sanity, I said lots of great, compelling, true things and it went in one ear and out the other. But I felt better saying these things, showing him and telling him I cared. It didn't matter to him one bit. But they were things I wanted to say. I said them without expectation that he would do a thing about his issues. It's all for you, say what you want to say but try not to have any expectation that if you just say it right THIS time he will do the right thing. Good luck!!

Hi, my AH is bipolar and self-medicates with alcohol. We are currently separated and have been for almost 2 years now.

While my AH certainly leans on his bipolar disease crutch to provide excuses for why he cannot work, treat his loved ones like crap, spend all money he gets his hands on and plenty he does not have, etc. he certainly does not think he needs any kind of professional medical assistance for his disease whatsoever. This is very common for this particular disease (for them to think that they do not need any help). They do not really think they have it even though they are diagnosed and know they have it. I do know the meds are really horrible from what I have gathered from many and have never demanded that he take meds as an ultimatum. I know the issue of meds is really personal, I certainly would not want to be forced or coerced to take meds.

I have pretty much come to the conclusion that *I* cannot live with someone like this. Some really well adjusted person maybe could, perhaps someone who did not come from a dysfunctional alcoholic family background or someone who had a great childhood maybe could tolerate the endless verbal and emotional abuse but I really CANNOT BECAUSE of the background that I come from (filled with verbal and emotional abuse, of course). I really need to NOT live that way because if I do, all my triggers get sparked and I am a mess. I need someone who is not going to yell at me 24/7 and blame me for all their problems day and night. I need a quiet calm home, not one ruled by chaos and trauma and drama. It is really just that simple. Its like I am a fish trying to live on the land with him. Its just not gonna work.

At least with bipolar we know they are nuts pretty much all the time. Even when it seems like they are not, they are, I believe. To expect any kind of 100% committment from someone who is literally insane is pretty nuts, too, if you ask me. I know this is very very sad as they have some really great characteristics but to get close or live with them, I think it is impossible (for ME, maybe not for others). They are just soooo abusive. When it began reaching the point where it was beginning to get physically abusive, I left. Plain and simple. Good luck and hugs, J.

My AH tried bipolar meds for 10 years and then elected to go off of them. He believes he can "self-manage" (I would call it "self-medicate") Some people have very bad reactions including really horrible hallucinations, etc.

I have a ton of compassion for bipolars or any one struggling with mental illness. I would not wish that onto anyone, its a horrible endless mess that only gets worse with the passing of time (just like alcoholism). I really had no experience with MI before this. We met 6 years ago and married 5 years ago. When he told me he was bipolar I just thought it was a disease like any other. Boy was I wrong. The first year and a half was totally fine. Then all hell broke loose and its just gotten worse and worse.

I read a lot of books and attended classes that NAMI sponsors. It was all fine and good and I learned a lot but when its all said and done at the end of the day, do I really want to be placing my energy in this and do I want to live this way?! I know for a fact that the bad days far outnumber the one or two good ones. But this man has a disease- probably several (he is ADD, too) and I honestly cannot blame him for his horrendous behavior. It is the diseases talking and acting. Its all disease. Every bit of it. He says he is his diseases but then he gets upset when anyone treats him like a disease...well, there is no winning with a bipolar bear, that is for sure.

I gotta say, I have read some really great books by WOMEN who are bipolar, but no men. It seems as if the women can admit they have a problem. My experience is that the men continue to believe that they are gods gift to humanity and are pure as the driven snow. Can't figure that part out, either- why does it seem as if the gals can deal and the guys simply cannot? J.

Reinforcing boundaries is tough stuff. I recently met someone who questioned my boundaries in a derisive way.  Reinforcing them was tough without explaining myself to death.

I'd support you in reinforcing the boundary. Do you have a plan b. Do you have a timeline. How long are you prepared to wait. I think the a I was with thought I would wait for ever. I didn't.

Maresie.