The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am living with my 2 alcoholic parents. I am in my mid twenties and can't afford to move out of home yet as saving for a deposit for a house.
Both my parents have good jobs. they are both professionals.
My father has never been involved in home finances. He just earns his money and spends what he likes on drinking. Then when the money runs out before payday he has a huge, massive tantrum and blames my Mum for spending it all. He becomes really aggressive. The situation is therefore that Mum never tells him that there is no money as she is too scared/ stressed out for his reaction. So, years ago she used get into debt just to keep money in his pocket.
Now though, she has got into so much debt that there is no credit card left for her to draw money on. She has such a bad credit rating that she can't use debt to fund the drinking. So now, she 'borrows' money from my sister and I to fuel it.
For Example; they get paid on the last friday of the month, my sister gets paid the 21st day of the month and I get paid the 25th day of the month. So, thier salary is gone by the 21st. she then borrowsn money from my sister till 25th then borrows money from me. I gave her £150 on the 25th and spent £60 in the Supermarket. Then, last night, she asked for another £20 to go to the pub. She gets paid today.
Problem: I know that whatever I lend her I will get back. I am noever out of paocket for more than a few days. BUT what really annoys me is that if they didn't drink inthe pub most nights then they wouldn't need to borrow anything from anyone as they are earning so much each month. Mum thinks that it is my duty to lend her money becasue she is my mother and she is 'so stressed'!
I don't mind lending her money but have a real problem when I know it is drink money. I am a 27 year old single gril and I budget every month and only spend what I can afford. If I don't have the4 money, i don't go out!!!! I am just really frustrated by it all and it is getting me down!!!
Calamity, What a situation to be in. Maybe you can offer to pick up some groceries instread of spending the money on alcohol. I know in the end you spending money for the household will lead to them having more to spend at the pub, but your money isn't driectly going to the pub then.
Heck I don't know I agree with Diva, Aloha, and Tender.
Just another thought. Take what you like adn leave the rest.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
Oh gosh, this is a tough one. Like others have said "NO" is a complete sentence.
My experience is with a child borrowing money. Personally I closed the Bank Of Mom! I had to ask myself is this $20 that he may use for alcohol or drugs going to be the $20 that kills him? That really helped me say no.
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
I paid for the A through last summer. He always had his hand out. Last September I said no more and after that I paid for one more thing to move his tools out of a situation which wasnt great. That was it. Since then I've not given him a penny. Guess what he survived. Admittedly he didn't survive well and he had no thought for me. He never ever ever ever expressed one iota of thanks for me bankrupting myself for him. He' left to his own devices now. I know full well he would be bleeding me dry if I had not said no more. I had had it up to the max. He always had his hand out. He always had another crisis, nothing was ever enough.
