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I'm learning the hard way today what a total downer lack of sleep is on my ability to approach my day with a good and positive attitude and outlook.
I've switched my schedule around so that I'm waking up earlier now to get my daily exercise in. Al-anon meeting schedules after work and various other post-work distractions have been interfering with my dedicating time to my exercise - ANOTHER physical thing I'm trying not to neglect.
So, where I used to wake up between 6 and 6:15 am, now I'm waking up between 5 and 5:15 am.
I did not sleep well last night - lots of weird dreams, tossing and turning.
So I woke up with the alarm (I'd been waking up every hour on the hour the whole night through), and then went and took care of my morning workout. Yay for that. I AM proud of it and that is one thing I will NOT regret taking care of.
But tiredness took over after that.
After my workout, I went to a morning meditation class that I really, REALLY enjoy for the most part, but I was zonked. I couldn't feel the spiritual connection as well as I had on mornings where I'd been able to rest better. And after the class, the instructor was talking with us about some really great stuff - (oh, it's sooooo interesting how so many healthy spiritual practices have parallels... she was talking about "detachment" - not in the al-anon way, but it's the same thing you hear over and over in al-anon, regardless.) It was so good.
But I found myself getting cranky and impatient. Class was done. I needed to leave right away so I could get cleaned up and shoot off to a "Time management" seminar at 8. I didn't want to miss what was being said, but I had someplace else I needed to be (and of all the things to be late to - a Time Management seminar!).
So, I made it in time for the seminar, thankfully - but I was crabby on the drive over to it. Kept trying to ask my HP to make me be the person I want to be, which is happy, not irritable.
Still sooo very tired at the time management seminar. I think the speaker had a few good points, but I found myself becoming critical. Many of her suggestions were things I already do! So now I start thinking to myself "Well, this Time Management seminar is a waste of my time!"
Seminar is over and I leave and I'm just grumpy. I wonder if maybe there was some good information she shared that I just didn't latch onto because I was tired and critical. I become frustrated in that I feel my HP has been sending me all these great learning opportunities at the very beginning of my day, and here I am, too tired and crabby to enjoy them and learn from them.
So, I guess there's a lesson to be learned here. Maybe I'm trying to cram too much into my morning? Maybe I need to ease into this schedule change and not be so gung-ho?
Really, my mornings aren't normally that packed. The meditation class is only two mornings a week. This seminar thing was a once in a blue moon kind of thing.
But my problem is that I have this very real urge and NEED to exercise. If any of you remember one of my first posts here, I revealed that once upon a time ago, I was a very heavy person with a compulsive overeating disorder. I worked on myself to the point of losing 78 pounds. And I've managed to KEEP it off. Even in this most stressful time in my life at present, I've still managed to keep my weight down - but I can't maintain that forever without keeping up with my physical exercise.
For me, I feel physical exercise is one of those important things that I must do every single day - like taking a shower and brushing my teeth. It is important for me to do it. It's important for my body. For the most part, it relieves stress.
I know it doesn't sound like exercise is doing me much good right now, though.
But in the long run, it does.
I know ultimately my problem was lack of sleep. I need to get to bed earlier if I want to continue with my exercise in the mornings.
IF I can't keep up these early mornings, though, I need to find some other way to fit my exercise into a time slot where I'm not finding excuses not to do it. I'm starting to think maybe I need to get a gym membership (I work out at home). Something where I just go straight to a place OUTSIDE of my home (where most of the stress and distractions have been waiting for me in the form of my AH).
I still feel like I'm starting to get overwhelmed, though. I have so many things I want to do in my day and things that I also feel I NEED to do in my day that it's starting to freak me out.
No rash decisions.
I want to give the early AM thing a go for at least a couple weeks. Things may fall into place and I'll find a good rhythm with it. But if it's still just too much after that time, then I need to change it.
The goal is to accomplish those things that are important to me, yet not to the point of leaving me stressed or tired.
I can handle the curve-balls my AH throws at me better when I'm rested and serene.
I can relate--I'm a walker and try to get in 2-3 miles every day. The stress of dealing with my AH makes that exercise time crucial--for de-stressing and weight management (I eat when stressed).
I tried the early morning walking but it didn't work for me. I'm a night-owl so I hated getting up. I try to get that walk in during lunch now, if at all possible. If not, right after work before dinner.
My schedule is hectic too, with two teens involved in sports and part-time jobs. Then there are my interests at church so sometimes its tough! The benefits are worth the hassle.
Hang in there! I hope you can manage the schedule to keep at it!
I can relate a lot. I tend to go up and down in my calendar. This morning I had to get up early so I cut back last night.
I'm far more protective of my time and energy than I ever was before. For once in my life I am "in" there.
I tend to put off a lot of stuff if my energy is low. I know for me if my energy gets to a certain level I just go into total melt down.
I know for me I existed on total melt down for years. I never got much sleep living with the A. He was never ever protective of me. At one point I was working nights, he had all his friends banging on the door day and night. If I mentioned I needed to sleep he saw that as hugely selfish after all only he had needs. I once suffered a friend of his who came into the house unannounced and shook me awake. I was absolutely astounded! Talk about entitlement!
Living in a house with others I often have to put up signs on my door, don't knock, unavailable and more. I stick to those if someone knocks I don't answer as a rule or I answer and say I'm not available they never ever get reinforcement from me. I'm so much more boundaried. Some of that is as Pia Melody would say is "internal boundaries".
I think for me its a queston of experimenting. I am really very conscious of my energy level and my fatigue level.
I can only do so much in a day.
Another example of live and let live only in this case its me. I deserve a break I've been to hell and back
Glad to know I'm not the only one with the predicament of making time to exercise. It's a biggie. It's one of the easiest things to choose to neglect, too.
I was thinking, too, that I'm feeling stressed because I have this whole schedule of things my Sponsor wants me to work at, too. Call her every day on a certain schedule. Read al-anon literature every day. Connect with my HP through prayer and/or mediation every day. Get to at least 3 meetings a week - make one of those an AA meeting where possible. Make sure one of those meetings is a meeting she attends.
It might sound drill-instructor-ish, but really, when I break them down, they're all very reasonable - and as I've said... I like structure and goals to work towards.
But you know... I'm sure I'll whine about that to her, and she's going to come back and tell me "Kelly. Just do what you can. You don't have to do it ALL. Just the best you can."
So, yeah, I'm exhibiting typical co-dependent traits: That lovely All or Nothing approach. You know. I just might NOT make it to tonight's Al-anon meeting. Or I just might not read a chapter from one of my Al-anon books.
I can at least say I got my mediation out of the way today (although it wasn't as productive as I would have liked it to have been!). And prayer? I do that all day whenever my brain has a moment where it's not occupied.
But jeez - I really would like to make it to the meeting, though.
I know one thing for sure, after my phone call to my sponsor, I'm TAKING A NAP on my lunch break. I go home - I'll be alone, so no distractions. I can lie down on my bed and snooze for a bit. I know I'll feel loads better after that, and I'm sure I'll feel more up to making it to my Al-anon meeting... and probably also more up to doing some other things that feel impossible to me right now.
YES. I must get to bed earlier.
What I'd really like to know, though, is how to fall asleep the moment my head hits the pillow. THAT would be great.
((((((((Aloha)))))))), I can understand the need to excersise and how much good it can do you. For me I have had a smile on all day and it had to do with how my mornng started.
It probably is a lack of sleep, well at least for me I know it would be. I am extremely cranky when I don't get the sleep I need and then things to go smoothly. Top that off with getting up an hour early, that's a lot to deal with.
You know this will work for you, and maybe it will take some time to get used to the new schedule.
Also something that I am very much aware of right now. My mood in the care not matter what else is taking place is directly affected by the kind of music I am listening to. I have been listening to music that feeds me spiritual so it is joyful and uplifting. I haven't had many moments of frustration in the car since then.
I'll be praying for you as I pull my butt out of bed tomorrow morning to do my work out :)
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
I can so identify with your post, I had this all last week, I have a knee or hip injury, I am not sure which but lack of exercise wipes me out, its obviously something we need to do to stay healthy. Best of luck in getting back on track, I was very crabby, not an easy place to be,
yeah, I did not sleep well last night either (something stewing in the islands?!) and boy does it catch up with me. I can get really good at beating myself up over these kinds of things, tho. I would do a complete cardio, weight training, etc. daily if I could find the time but I need to rotate to each one every other day, etc. I really get to feeling like crap if I do not do SOMETHING- they say busy minds (like us al-anoners: always obsessing, thinking too much, etc.) need busy bodies and I think its so true. Great post- thanks aloha! Hugs, J.
Hmm, perhaps the sleeping issues is due to our increased levels of Vog out here on the big island (not sure if you've heard what Kilauea has been doing) http://westhawaiitoday.com/articles/2008/03/27/local/local01.txt
I can tell you that my eyes have been burning a lot lately. I'm sure we're not breathing in very good stuff here, especially on the BI.
Great to hear you're another "Iron Maiden", Jean - strength training's a must for us women!
On that note, I need to send myself to bed because I'm going to try the early AM wakeup/workout again tomorrow... but at least this time there's not quite such the rush to get out the door afterwards.
For me sleeping is one of the best things I can do for me. I work retail, so getting in a "regular time" to exercise just doesn't work. There is no set time for me to exercise. Luckily I walk back and forth to work (except at night) and my job is not a desk job. So I am constantly moving. What I have to remember is that if work has been particularly stressful, is to make that extra time to take a walk after work. It does us no good if I come home grumpy. My reactions to AH (regardless if he's sober or not) just aren't good. That in turn makes me more stressed. I will sometimes deliberately take a detour home or go window shoping so I can take a deep breath.
I for one love naps. Give me a rainy or snowy day I can crawl into bed and just snuggle. What I have to do is remind myself, like you, is that we don't have to do it all. I don't have to be that crazy woman I once was dashing all over the place. I had so many volunteer jobs plus work plus school that I was going nuts. I've learned to say "No. I am not available." and not feel guilty about it. The best gift I can give myself is the gift of serenity. That's not going to happen if I don't get the right amount of sleep. Thanks for the reminder. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
SOmewhere the Bible says our body is a temple...Was that the Bible or Ernest Hemingway???!?!?? I don't know. But I like the idea, so I place a great importance on the health and well-being of my body. I guess I am one of the lucky ones; there is nothing in my life that supercedes taking care of me.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
"...You must know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is within the Spirit you have received from God. You are not your own. You have been purchased, and at a price. So glorify God in your body..." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Thank you Aloha for bringing this up, and Diva for getting me to route out the quote in the scripture where Paul refers to our bodies as temples as a result of Christ's teachings in the gospels.
It has been a really timely reminder to me to think carefully how I neglect my body, especially when I am stressed or low or not thinking. I like this idea and great importance should be placed on our bodies. As God's creation we should respect ourselves and think of ourselves as 'holy' [through God], and worthy of care.
Thank you again for that reminder, I must take as much care of me, as I do of others at the very least, and the things around me and this whole wonderful earth.
-- Edited by Heartbroken at 16:59, 2008-03-28
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
I know I feel better when I exercise but fitting in into my day long routine is tough going. I'm still having issues with fatigue. Yesterday I was out all day and running around. I went to bed early.
At least these days minus the A I can go to bed early. If I did anything for myself he always felt the need to guilt me. He thought anything I did for me was extremely threatening.
I have my share of obsession but he was definitely obsessed with either ignoring me or getting me to do whatever he wanted when he wanted it. If it wasn't "his" way he was furious.
I got tired of living with someone who was that that self absorbed.
What I have to do is remind myself, like you, is that we don't have to do it all. I don't have to be that crazy woman I once was dashing all over the place. 
I had so many volunteer jobs plus work plus school that I was going nuts. I've learned to say "No. I am not available." and not feel guilty about it. The best gift I can give myself is the gift of serenity. That's not going to happen if I don't get the right amount of sleep. Thanks for the reminder. Love and blessings to you and your family.
