The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
One of my charactor traits is to be naive, too trusting, and then be bitterly disappointed.
Recently one of my newer housemates was social with me. She suggested that she could help me out with my dogs as they seem to like her. I was enthused but cautious.
This person is in recovery and I was happy to hear that they were working on their issues.
During my very casual conversation with her, I came to see her recovery wasn't necessarily that commited. One sticking point for her was that she didn't want to give up her old friends.
Last night one of her old friends came over and pulled a scene. This wasn't some huge issue but she was drunk, manipulative and sure enough one of my other housemates leapt into the rescue (its very strange seeing someone else be manipulated into a role I always found myself in).
So now I'm taking a step back from this housemate. Another one bites the dust as they say. No huge catastrophe but really I just don't have it to have much more drama in my life. I've had it with drama for the next 100 years.
The thing for me is that I'm sure that this is normal. I'm sure that regular people meet people, test the water, reflect and regroup.
My no holds barred full scale commitment day one and naivete was part of what led me to being stuck with A's as friends, husbands, lovers, boyfriends, bosses and more. I set myself up. Then I blamed them.
Then once I had made this huge no holds barred commitment day one I felt like I couldn 't give up my investment.
So this is new for me, test the water, see the big picture and retreat or at least regroup rather than lose lose and then lose some mroe. Before I'd be pushing this post as a "victim". Oh its so unfair I have no one to help me, blah blah blah. Now I'm seeing there is another saga I have not been in very much, the survivor, who is self protective rather than no holds barred totally self destructive.
I think one of the reasons I stuck with the A was I had a huge fear of being out there dating. I felt like somehow I couldn't do it. I also felt like I had no right to judge others. These days I do not see it as judging. I see it as a fit. My roommate is certainly a fit for whoever she wants to hang out with (right now its the former friends she did drugs with). She just isn't a "fit" for me and for me to hang out with. I don't dislike her I'm just not going to pursue it for her to take care of my dogs. If she asks I'm also not going to say its because you have friends who do drugs. I'll just say I'm incredibly busy because I am.
I used to feel every roadblock was a personal rejection of me. I'm sure there are people out there who are sane, boundaried, not into drama and who want to be sociable in a "sane" way. That is they won't call me at 6:00 a.m on a weekend day or 11:00 p.m. at night or come and bang on my door 5 times in an hour after I've just had coffee with them. I put up with insanity for 7 years with the A I'm not about to go back to that again no matter how lonely and isolated I am.
