The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A father is on a 2 week Easter Holiday (he is a teacher). He wants to be out by noon every day on the holiday season drinking however, as my parents don't get paid until Friday (tomorrow) there is no money for him to do this so he has been really abusive once again and stormed off to bed in a huff!!
Mum is really upset as you can imagine.
His attitude is that he earns his money so why can't he spend it on whatever he wants? (regardless of the fact that he has a home and fmaily!) and he is damanding Mum to give him an explanation as to why there is no money till tomorrow (he goes out every day drinking and Mum goes out most days drinking so that is why all the money has gone!!).
Really frustrated with the whole situation and ready to bang my head against the wall............ argh!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mark too sulks when there isnt enough money to spend on beer. The only thing is Mark will go pub anyway and get it on a tab lol He doesnt care that there is no money for bill and stuff. Aslong as he has me SOCIALISING time.
Jane, would this be a good place to practice detaching? Their inability to handle money properly is not really something you need to be in the middle of - is it? It's not up to you to fix them. I do hope you're putting some of your wages aside for yourself? So you can start working on a planB.
I have a financial plan for me (which includes saving for a deposit for my own place). Mum only ever borrowes money from me till pay day - i always get money back from her - couldn't afoord to help her at all if she didn't return the money!
The frustrating thing is that Dad earns a resonable salary for the are that we live in and Mum is a supply teacher so although her work is not guarenteed, when she does work she too has a good salary. If they could only stop the drinking every night they would have so much money every month that they wouldn't have money worries!!!!
My aim is to be living somewhere else by Xmas 09. For my own sanity!!!
I spent a lot of time on "if only". My family is a whole dysfunctional real mess.
I have had to "let go". The grief can be unendurable otherwise.
I'm trying to tread more lightly in the world. Its hard to look through sad glasses all the time.
I had a plan b after being here for a while it was pretty rudimentary but it got me out of a alcholic relationship. I think there's room for lots of plan b's in one s life so its good practice to have one.
Money is often a huge huge issue for many of us in recovery. For me there is personally no easy solution to the messes the A leave around. I'm commited to cleaning up my own mess and I stopped taking on other people's which is very very very new for me.
One of the reasons I separated my finances from my AH.
And I can't tell you enough how much money I am actually SAVING now because he's not in there spending all of our money all the time. I used to stress every month if I'd have enough money to pay my credit card bills and buy groceries... there were lots and lots of times I had to put groceries on my credit card because AH would tell me "oh, there's not enough money in the account right now for groceries. You'll have to keep the bill down. I just got finished paying all our bills (*snort* not to mention spending all our money on booze and other compulsive purchases every single day).
So, yeah. I can now pay my credit card bills every month, buy as many groceries as I need every month AND still contribute my half to the bills and rent on top of it AND have abundant money left over to throw into savings or to use for us eating out or going out to a movie or for me to buy a new pair of shoes or whatever.
