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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> no change of attitude yet
Post Info TOPIC: no change of attitude yet
silverbrumby


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no change of attitude yet
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Though I asked my Ah to move out and he did, I have been confused how to show him that I still love him but can't live with him.
He has been around to visit a lot always sober, which is nice, I am not sure that it is playing games or not.
I don't want to completely ignore him and end all contact, as I don't feel it proves that I love him but can't live together.
He is complaining how his new living arrangements are annoying and he can't do what he wants.....LOL! Well, whadya know aye?
When you live with others you have to respect them, as he is finding out in sharing a house with an older man who is very tidy and has house rules!
We spent a weekend together recently and I could have counted his sentences on one hand for a whole day!
It is like there is no life emanating from this man? Was he always like this and I didn't notice? He is just silent! Not angry, just mute!
There is absolutely no change in his attitude since I kicked him out. He just says it's unfair. He is a stubborn..%#$%.  Anyway,though it has been difficult financially, I have not had much to worry about and it's weird!
I can focus on what I need to and look at my marriage from a safe distance.
I continue to stand my ground. Thanks for listening guys.biggrin
sb.



-- Edited by silverbrumby at 08:06, 2008-03-27

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lin0606


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How about you - any change in your attitude?  

If you are doing this only in order to prove something to him, it may not work out the way you have planned.  Best to act in your own best interests, and leave his reaction to him.

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carolinagirl


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have to agree with lin. it's not about how he sees it it's about how you see it. my a probably has no idea that i love him to death despite the fact that i filed for divorce and have a few resentments. i think that is the most grown up thing i had to learn is that just because i love someone doesn't mean that they are good or right for me. he is not in my best interest anymore, he is consumed with drinking, drugs, stealing, going to jail, etc. and that's not MY style. Doesn't mean I dont' love him tho just means I have to love myself more.

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Tenderheartsks


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Though I asked my Ah to move out and he did, I have been confused how to show him that I still love him but can't live with him.
This first sentence really caught my eye and got me to thinking back over the years when I finally started to work on my codependency issues.

How many years did I live, with no true love of 'self', but was busy fixing, pacifying, people-pleasing, walking around on eggshells for others?

My confusion in how to express a healthy love to others stemmed from my own inability to love myself!

I have found that when I am right with self, when I am putting myself first in terms of recovery, and nurturing self, my love for others comes through loud and clear, without having to worry about expressing that love the 'right' way.

Does that make any sense? biggrin




-- Edited by Tenderheartsks at 10:56, 2008-03-27

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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience."
- Woodrow Wilson
ESH


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My A-bf is silent and empty, too.  I knew he was an A from early on in the relationship... glad that I chose never to live with him.  It has made these last couple of months easier to live without him being a part of my life.

Hang in there!  I'm glad for you because (from your post) it sounds like you have some peace right now.



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maresie


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My sponsor suggests love the person not the disease. Inside the exA is someone who is loveable. As the disease progressed he was certainly far less loveable.

I think there is a huge part of "poor me" in there for the alcoholic. I can have my own part in that disease which is one reason my sponsor has me practising a gratitude list. Right now my list is small but I have one.

maresie.

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maresie
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