The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
What's that saying "Feelings are not facts" or vice verser. So, when your feeling something, How do you know what It is you are feeling.
I have things going on in my life and I don't know how i should be feeling. I know i care for people, too much if that's possible. That's just my nature. I also have a caring job, so, im doing it all the time.
I have someone in my life right now, has been for the last three months, and we are just taking it day to day. I am learning to accept things, and learning patience also (lol). So, right now, I am content to just be with him, enjoy our moments together and "try" not to look too far forward. We both like one another, get on fantastic, but he cant "commit" that word again...lol (this is the guy with the tumour).Doesn't seem too serious right now...(praying it's not malignant)
The one thing that's really killing me is my friend who is in Iraq. I know there is a whole lot going on there right now, and most of the fighting is where he is. I am still struggling with this situation. I never ever thought i would be affected as bad as this from having him in my life. We spoke a few weeks ago, and he knows I have someone else in my life. His words to me were, "Forget me, focus on what matters, I do not seek approval or permission, i am who i am, and i do what i must"... I thought that was very deep, almost rehersed. I replied to him "friends matter"... So, here i am, he's in my thought's every day, every min of the day this week. I seem to be thinking of him all the time, I'm NOT obsessing about him. I'm just feeling, feelings I think. I also know I can't change where he is, or what may happen... But It's very painful to be here and concered with his safety.....
God i am confused by my feelings for him.
Why is caring for people so damn hard at times.....I have a heart as big as the ocean, and right now i wish i never...lol
Ally - I can't imagine personally knowing anyone over there in harm's way. I don't think it's unusual at all to feel worried and pre-occupied with his well-being. I, too, tend to have a big heart and care a lot (and I'm in a caring profession, as well). It's very hard to turn that off.
Caring can indeed be damn hard at times. I think the thing to do is keep reminding yourself that he is being taken care of by the best caretaker of all........HP. No-one could care about your friend as much as his own HP does. Keep giving him over. I know I've turned my A over to HP so many times, but keep snatching him back to just fret on him a little bit more. Then I turn him back over. HP gets such a kick out of me.
Have you looked into any support groups for families/friends of those serving? I would think that would be so helpful. I have a good friend whose son returned from there at Christmas. She spent 1 1/2 years not knowing where he was really. Gut wrenching. But folks all over this country are dealing with this very issue right now. A support group might be worth looking into?
Keeping you and your friend (our soldier) in my prayers, R3
((((MyCrazyGirl))))), Hen there is nothing wrong with careing for somone, thinking about them, and worrying about them (to a certain degree). For me the trouble lies in how much I care, think about, or worry. When it takes over, that is the problem line for me. You care about him, you had a special time with him. Of course his well being in the situation he is in is on your mind. Hen he is just like your "A" you can't control the situation. He has his own HP and his HP will watch over him.
Love ya hen!
yournutjob
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
The issue for me is caring for others more than myself. I come last. I have had to do a 360 on that.
I can go into obsessive in a minute. I knew last year the A was in trouble I felt reponsible. I have no doubt these days he is in trouble now I am no longer "responsible" nothing changed but me. I don't not care but I know the limits of caring. Making myself sick doesn't help anyone least of all me.
I don't know that I second guess anyone anymore. I used to but I learned not to do that, too painful.
I am still in the early stages of changing. One is not to even think about commitment. I was way way way over committed before. I commited before I even got in the relationship if that's possible.
I just got through an instance where I had to call my sponsor.
I liken what I was going through must be very much like when an alcoholic is dying to drink and he/she calls their sponsor.
This is what happens when I'm dying to obsess, so I call MY sponsor.
So, I'll pass on to you what my sponsor suggested to me in my situation.
Make the world around you very small. If you have a task at hand that you need to be taking care of, just do it. Does that mean doing the dishes? Answering an email? Brushing your teeth? Whatever it is. Do it. Then when you're done with that little task, move on and do the next little task you needed to take care of. And keep at it.
In the meantime, pray to your HP. My sponsor suggested asking my HP to make me be the person I WANT to be and guide me in that direction.
That is very, very true. I don't want to be this miserable, obsessed individual. I want to be HAPPY.
So, that's what I'm doing right NOW. Praying to my HP and doing one little task at a time. Anything that takes my mind off the meddling.
Mandy sure said it well. "He has his own HP and HP will watch over him."
That is what everyone told me about my son, who is over there now too. And no, you don't get to hear from them often. I just grabbed ahold of that thought above and gave it all to HP. If I don't hear from him or from anyone, well thats good!! It's BAD news that travels fast, not good news. LOL There's another slogan - If you worry, why pray? If you pray, why worry?
I value my serenity. Anything that is going to cause drama I try to stay away from. My thoughts of "oh dear, what if this.. what if that... " can send me right into drama panic/obsession mode, so I try real hard to not go there anymore. What if's are just that... big ol' ifs. They aren't facts or reality. I'll stay in the reality I have right now. It has its own issues for me to deal with already! LOL
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
(praying it's not malignant)
