OMG dont know where to start. Long history with a's. First husband alcholic, father of my 17 yr old son (going into US marines next summer ughh already enlisted in dep)...My first hubsand and I were divorced 1 year or so after marriage. My son a baby. My a was in and out of our lives for next 5 years, rehab, jail, aa you name it. Finally with Alanon I turned him over to God, and realized I had a son to raise, not an Alcholic.( was and have been with my parents since my son was born due to finances). Fast forward to 1998, (dated a couple more A's)

My ex dies in Fla due to "Heart Attack" dont know real story, family in full denial. Much pain and sadness over this. However relief he is in better place and not tortred by the disease. My son mixed emotions very quiet. Never had much contact, but when they did intense bond.

Fast forward to 2002, meet second husband, cop, stand up guy, except closet drinker...had my suspicions, of course ignored them. Married Oct, 2003, Family/especially son adored him. great guy. 2months in to marriage fighting non stop. Couldnt hide his liquor, then he kicked me out in drunken rage. The police dept, came to house and did nothing to offer help...LOOKED OTHER WAY. I am very angry at that!!!  In the meantime he had started affair with dispatcher at work, married with 3 kids of her own...I got back together with him briefly in April, not knowing about this woman. He got drunk after 2 times at AA and kicked me out again. (my son was back at my parents after first time he kicked us out thank god)....Low and behold I find out about her in SEPTEMBER, when one day my friend informs me that they have 6 cop cars at my husbans house...i go there and am bodily tossed out by the chief, no one is telling me what is going on. I am scared to death that he is suicidale or something. I get a hold of him on his cell in his house, and he informs me about "the woman" that she came over in a rage ( I and my mother were at his house night before he was begging for help, and we were talking about hospital next day) SHE was in a rage and he still drunk. (911 was called and he was put on admin. leave.) I spend weekend with him and his two boys age 6. He is hones, goes to AA in schock over job ect. I feel that finally he will get help he needs. ! week later after profossing dying love for me, tells me better to get divorce alwaysget back later on. Low and behold he is with his woman again. I figure its so she wont press charges and further undermine his career. Sure enough investigation found no wrong doing on his part. Fast forward to SAT DEC 11, he calls my house...drunk..miss you...ect. as I am on phone woman comes to his door with her "2 way and says to him I can take the drinking its the lying i cant take...he demands his keys, there is silence, she comes into his house as he is on phone with me, picks it up, i tell her she needs to leave him alone, and she yells at me that i am the expert on alcholism, I said i have my expereince, with that she tells him she is going back to work and telling all he is drunk. LOVEL PERSON huh. So here I am  hurt, confused, hurt, pissed off at this disease that takes hold of someone's very soul. I am not running back to him, and he needs his time to be alone, that is why he broke it offf with her, she was mad he wasnt spending time with her, and spending it with visting his kids or AA. Okay so, here I am. After so much pain in the last year, I still want to see him beat this, and I am so tired of this disease. I turned him over to God last nite, just as I did with first husband. I believe that God gave him this and God can help him only. As for me, I am exhausted and just want to find some peace of mind. I know I can if i concentrate in me., Thats why I am here. VENTING. Thanks for listening. I am looking for good on-line meetings/that are not so structured and allow input after someone speaks. Any suggestions?.BEV