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I went to the attorney's office with the money and paid for the 3 typed pages that I could have done myself in five minutes. Of course I questioned myself and wanted to make SURE it was right. I wish I had more confidence in my abilities!
So, he is filing the papers today, probably already done and my husband should be served within the next few days...I'm still hoping for Saturday (our anniversary). I have that yucky stomach churning feeling going on right now. I wish it would just go away, I know I'm doing the right thing. Ugh
So in a month or so I will go to court and this will all be over and then as soon as it is I'm going out to get a passport for all of us (I'll finally be able to get one for my son) just to have around in case some money for a trip comes our way...
I wish I could be happier about this.
On a side note, I'm going to try to get my husband's w2 forms since he hasn't bothered to or bothered to file a return so that when it goes thru it will get garnished and sent to me anyway along with the tax rebate in May. I think that is ok considering I'll end up with the money in the end anyway, we are still legally married and I know he won't do it so why wouldn't I take the time to get myself the money? I think it might actually pay for the divorce.
CG, you know my thoughts are with you. You will get through this. You'll be a "sadder but wiser girl," but things will fall into place. The most difficult part is the deciding. Once a decision is made, you can begin to look forward, put the past into perspective, and go on.
With caring and love,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I suppose the depth of sadness is directly related to the depth of love that has been lost. Hope is a hard thing to lose. And even in the midst of reality it is hard to let it go. You wouldn't be the person you are if you were not feeling crappy right now. You would be either a very superficial person or a person unwilling to examine their feelings. You are neither. You are wonderful and the yucky feeling does pass. For me, it comes back alot. But never as bad as it was. You're doing great ((((((CG))))). It really is ok to grieve.
i dunno don't you need a signature for a tax return. I wouldn't do any of that stuff where it blurs the line if you paid me. I know it will come back to haunt me. The A had a real knack of getting me cornered if I ever crossed any line but he crossed every line there was with impunity.
I really really struggled with the issue of just taking the truck when he had it. I had places to put it and everything. Friends of mine were going to hide it for me. As long as his name was on the vehicle it was a real complicated matter.
I know for me I could always justify doing things because he left me with so much debt, so many problems and so much pain. Nevertheless the more I kept my side of the street clean the easier it was not to be drawn into his web of deceit, inaction, procrastination, lying, chaos and more.
I know its really hard not to. I made a huge point when I was being evicted (I had a joint tenancy with him) not to file for him. If I could have counted on him for anything it would have made a huge difference. I would not have an eviction notice on my record.
Carolina I would not touch his tax stuff!! He now owes court fees and all kinds of things!!! If you do a joint tax you are saying you are responsible for HIS debts.
Plus they will take all yours to cover them.
I know from others they pay themselves first, so I sure would not expect a dime.
Telling you this just in case. I hope I am wrong. I had to tell my daughter this felt awful but she thanked me as she budgeted different.
Please hon check into it. You can even call the IRS to ask or ask whoever does your taxes. I had to pay for years to clear HIS debt.
I was just thinking I am just now feeling like me again.I feel my morals, habits etc are finally showing some evidense of it.
I didn't say joint taxes, I said filing his for him. I already filed mine. He has outstanding child support and that will go first before any of the other stuff he owes so in reality I'm filing it so I can get the money that's coming to me anyway if he would just spend five minutes filling out the form online.
I can't say much about what you "should" do. I do know that I tried everythng legally possible to get the truck back. The A did illegal stuff filed to get my name off the truck. I didn't. I could have but I did not. I know if I did and he found out about it he would use it against me. Tha's his mode of operating I know that now with every cell in my body. I know it and I will not go there anymore.
The A used every single thing I did where I crossed the line against me very very very skillfully. He played to everyone that I was the problem, not him. I ended up in tremendous knots with him over that. He was always always always one step ahead of me. When I quit, stopped taking actions he needed to, should have, that I thought would benefit me int he long run was when he stopped being able to pin me to the ground with his stuff. For me it always seemed logical to act "for" him because after all he owed me. In the end that was one of the things that almost strangled me. I obsessed about it for ever and then some more, exhausted myself and then some. I asked everyone around me, got lots of opinions, felt awful, never once did I simpy just keep my side of the street clean, it was too simply too easy and too hard for me to follow. After all I "knew" what he "should" do. And after all he owed me and still does. I dont' think I ever entertained I "owed" myself not to get caught up in some dance with him. I always always always thought I should make the last move. I was never ready to say this is it. I lost and I lost and I lost but I always lost some more whenever I tried to get something from him by some obscure methodology.
I once prepared the papers for some taxes for the A. i certainly didn't file for him. He signed them. He put the envelope in the mail. He used that against me. These days he doesn't have anything to use against me and has no "hook" to pull me right back in.
You go girl!!!! I know what churning feeling you are talking about. I had it too. When I was on my way to the lawyer's office, I thought I might throw up. I knew it was what I wanted to do and needed to do....It was just so final. And a big deal...major life altering event!!!
You will get through this.!!! And then things will finally start to change for you.
((( Carolina ))) I really had that sick to my stomach feeling during the whole process and wow - I recall when my divorce was final it truly felt as if the clouds parted and the sun appeared after a very long and trying time. (This was long before I was in Al-Anon, what a gift this program would have been for me then) I agree with Diva and wish I knew what more to say for comfort. I'll just give you a few extra hugs of support ((( CG ))) - youre not alone with this disease or with what youre going through. Now that I think back, one thing I did afterwards was I had a Mom and Son get away (a little vacation )I planned for it - it was something I looked forward to during the process. You will be just fine
Just sending you extra love and prayers. I know this is hard on you and your kids. But you will come out the other side. You're a strong person and I have seen great growth in your recovery. You've done what is best for you and your family. Keeping my fingers crossed so that some extra money for a trip will come your way. Wouldn't that be fun? A great way to start fresh. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
and paid for the 3 typed pages that I could have done myself in five minutes. Of course I questioned myself and wanted to make SURE it was right. I wish I had more confidence in my abilities! 
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