Hello. I've recently started looking at this page and quietly reading the forums without repling or signing up as a member. I've got the night off from work tonight and I think I'm ready to talk about my situation.

 I am 26 years old and my boyfriend is 25. We met a year and a half ago and have lived together since April of last year (so about a year now). I fell for him immediatly, as he did for me. He's a very good, kind man. He's got a passion for life you don't see in many people. But, as all people do, he's got his problems.
 
 When we met he was drinking almost every night. I really didn't care because I was doing to same thing. I had just moved out to AZ and hadn't started school or work yet so I saw going out as the only way to socialize. We partied together for about two weeks - then I started school. It was easy for me to cut off the drinking, I was just having fun  passing the time until I knew I had to get serious. I was open with him about it - I have this way of being almost TOO honest. I told him "I need a man around in my life who can take things seriously. I am busy (with work and school I was pulling 60 hour weeks) and I don't have time for somone who doesn't have their stuff together". He said okay and the drinking slowed down a lot after that. He was sweet, accomidating to my needs (maybe too much as I reflect on it), and loving.
 We went on like this for months. Things were great - we really fell for eachother. About 7 months into our relationship I noticed he had started drinking a little more again. He was drinking like 5 beers four nights a week or so. I started to question him - why do you need to do this? I would ask him to stop for the night - he would. Eventually the situation came to a head and he decided to quit drinking. I thought that it was great, everything was fine.
 I have never had an alcoholic close to me in my life so this disease is new to me. I didn't even know he had a problem - but I think there was an awful lot he hid from me.
 He  attended meetings, but I never saw him reading the book or doing any work. He didn't have a sponsor. Hell, I didn't even know AA had sponsors - so I couldn't see anything missing. All I saw was that he wasn't drinking.
 Christmas came and money was tight. He seemed stressed and somehow disconnected. We had bought plane tickets to see my family and we went. It was a really nice time - no drinking, holiday normalties.
 At the end of January things started to change. He became different, distant. He looked pale (a subtle thing, but noticable by someone who loves you), and he was quiet a lot. I went out with a friend one night and came home - he was already in bed. I thought I smelled alcohol but I wasn't sure (I had gone out drinking - mind you, I had only had three drinks). So I let it go. A few weeks later the same thing happenend. I couldn't let it go by so I confronted him the next morning.
 He admitted to going out and drinking twice. He said he hadn't done it any more than that - I believe him because we do live together and there isn't all that much that goes unseen. I was angry - SO angry. And things only got worse from there. He was still distant and so was I. But I decided to let it go - as long as he didn't lie to me again. But things just didn't feel right. One day he came home from work and I knew something was up - something big. He told me that he had been smoking pot for 2 months and hiding it from me. That he didn't think he could handle a relationship. He said he didn't think drinking was his problem, but that he just wanted to smoke and go to work and be alone. He brought up the topic of who was going to move out, who was going to take the dog, etc. I was FURIOUS. He said all of this with NO emotion - he was stone cold. This man had just dropped me! How could he just throw away a relationship of a year and a half!?!
 For three days he slept in the living room and I stayed in the bedroom - we both came and went without speaking. I had called my parents the night it happened and told them. He would be out until 3 am those three days but I knew I couldn't let myself worry or wonder where he was. He didn't care - so I couldn't care.
 On the fourth morning I heard him in the shower, he was bawling - hard. He came into the room at sat on the bed. I sat listening in anger and he told me he was so sorry. He said that he did have a problem with alocohol - a huge problem and that he wanted to get help. He expressed his love and hoped I could open myself up just a little in order to understand.
 He went to two AA meetings that day.
 Since then, he has been 'working the program' in a way that I've never seen. He goes to meetings almost everyday (some days he works doubles so he can't). He's got a sponsor, a workbook etc. He's developed a relationship with a higher power and has discussed that with me. He's even brought up praying together. ( I haven't been religious since '99 but I'm open to the concept of a higher power). He sensed I was upset the other night and asked me what was wrong. He told me later, that before I started talking he prayed that God would let him hear what I had to say. To really hear it, and listen to it.
 He's been open and willing to listen to the thoughts I have. I've got a lot of anger from all this past stuff and I tend to bring it up more than I would like. But he listens to me with patience and tolerance.
 My parents came out to visit about 2 months ago. I was concerned it would be really uncomfortable, as I had told them the whole situation. One night when I was at work he decided to take them out to dinner and talk to them about his situation. He told them straight up what had happened and answered their questions. You have to admit - that takes a lot. 
 Later on I talked to my parents about it and they were moved that he was so open. They want things to work out with us. They ask about him often when we speak on the phone. They are proud of his progress.
 So, he's on his way to something good. I really hope so anyway. He wants me to go to Alanon meetings but doesn't push it. I'm having some problems with that though. I'm having these feelings of "Well I didn't do anything wrong, why do I need to go to a class?" I'm wondering if this is common. Why should I need help from AA if I have no personal problem with alocohol? So I'm sort of stuck at a stand still with that. I love him, I do. And I want to be supportive - but sometimes I think it would be so much easier to walk away than to do this work. After all, I'm not the one who was 'bad'.
 Unfortunatly, right now we are in a bit of a situation. He is doing great in the program, but all of this stuff happened pretty recently. Our lease is up and he wants to rent a house together. He told me (because I asked) that it could just be his name on the lease if I wanted. (So that way if anything were to happen it wouldn't be so hard for me to leave. This made me feel better.) But I'm still afraid. I guess if I'm not signing then yeah, it's easy for me to split if I want to. And I know in my heart I don't want to leave right now. It's just scary. If we do this all of my money will go into helping with the deposit, etc. I know it'll only take a few months if I want to build that money back up, but still.
 So now I don't know what to do. He's doing great. He's been open - I have really seen a marked difference in him. But should this go on? I know everyone deserves another chance but God knows I have broken it off with men for MUCH less than this. But there's something special about him. 
 
 **I would like to make a note that he was never mean when he was drinking. I never, ever felt threatened or afraid.

 I'm just looking for any kind of support or advice.
I thought this would be a good baby step into alanon meetings.

Thank you.