The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm not sure if he sees it, and I'm not sure if it matters to me if he does or doesn't see it. I see it, and I feel it. Example: there is a district picnic at the end of April at one of the beautiful state parks in east Tennessee, I wasn't sure if he knew about it, there was a flyer about it at our meeting hall, I was mentioning it to him last night while he was making coffee at the hall, he said he knew about it and had volunteered to work at it if they needed him because he was going to camp up there that weekend, I was instantly irritated because he didn't tell me he was going to do this, I didn't say anything but my body language said enough, I got my cup of coffee and put it on the table in the appropriate room, went outside to smoke a cig and discovered he had the lighter, went back in to get it from him, he went to give me a kiss after giving me the lighter and I just stood there looking at him for about 20 seconds then pecked him on the cheek, he asked what was wrong and I told him I was irritated with him and I promptly went outside and smoked that cig and calmed myself down and thought about EXACTLY why I was irritated, was it THAT important to be irritated with him and ruin a perfectly excellent day? the answer was, of course, no. I calmed down, finished my cig, went back in and returned his lighter and asked him if he wanted mexican food or if he wanted to go to the cracker barrel, he said mexican food, I told him to have a good meeting he returned the sentiment, and we went to our respective rooms. I had a wonderful meeting and he did too, we went to dinner, went home, watched the rest of the Lady Vols win the first round in the NCAA Tournament and went to sleep. He didn't sleep as well as I had hoped he would, but I slept so sound. He slept soundly this morning for a few hours. I am amazed at my ability to remain calm and quickly get over being irritated. At the meeting, the topic came from the Alcoholism, the Family Disease booklet. We discussed A Checklist for Evaluating Our Maturity (A mature person is one who: ) and I chose to talk about #3. Does not readily experience a loss of temper or "fly off the handle." ...that's not something that is easy for me to do, NOT fly off the handle especially when I have PMS. But, last night I didn't. I'm not really surprised by that, but in a way I am. I'm growing, therefore I'm changing.
Today, he asked me to shave his head (he's bald obviously). We were going through the bedroom on the way to the bathroom and I noticed the full laundry basket. I had to laugh he asked what was so funny and I asked him: "Do you have ANY idea what it is like for a person like me (a person who HAS to take care of someone other than themselves) to NOT take care of him??" He said no not really and I laughed and said no of course you don't. Then I had to explain about the laundry, he laughed and said, if you want to do it, go for it, and I looked at him and said uh no I'm not going to, but I worry about things like that...WHO's going to do his laundry then I realize HE is...HE is COMPLETELY capable of doing it. He is capable of shaving his own head, he's done it this past week while I was gone, but he knows it's something I enjoy doing...it's a way of being close...not physically...there is a certain trust there...he trusts me not to hurt him and I LOVE that. It makes me feel "needed" when I know it's something he can and does do. I know that I'm getting better, because I would have told him that I would have taken care of his laundry. I know I'm getting better because I not once asked him during the silent times what was wrong or what he was thinking or how come he wasn't talking yada yada yada. I know I'm getting better because I didn't THINK about asking him any of those things. I didn't THINK about any of those things. But I had a bit of a set back today, I'm not sure if it's because of ME or if it was because I hadn't eaten. But I was having a bit of a difficult time leaving today and coming back to my mother's. I had a bit of an attitude problem. But, when I got to my mom's, I ate something and calmed down, so I'm HOPING it was hunger I've had a good day since I ate.The Lady Vols are Sweet 16 Bound:woot: He's at a Predator's game (hockey) with a friend from work and I'll most likely talk to him sometime tomorrow My daughter turns 5 Thursday and hopefully I'll find out about this awesome new job that afternoon.
I'm tired, and I have something else to talk about on here, but I think I'll post it tomorrow.
I just liked that post. It fits your lead of Growth=Change so well and I was reminded of another life and sanity saving slogan also...Progress not perfection. Thanks for the share.
What a great post!!! I can see so much growth and recovery when we have the "courage to change." It truly does take great courage and I see it in your post.
Way to go making amends, taking responsibility for what's yours and not picking up any of what's his.
Keep working it, yours in recovery, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
). We were going through the bedroom on the way to the bathroom and I noticed the full laundry basket. I had to laugh he asked what was so funny and I asked him: "Do you have ANY idea what it is like for a person like me (a person who HAS to take care of someone other than themselves) to NOT take care of him??" He said no not really and I laughed and said no of course you don't. Then I had to explain about the laundry, he laughed and said, if you want to do it, go for it, and I looked at him and said uh no I'm not going to, but I worry about things like that...WHO's going to do his laundry then I realize HE is...HE is COMPLETELY capable of doing it. He is capable of shaving his own head, he's done it this past week while I was gone, but he knows it's something I enjoy doing...it's a way of being close...not physically...there is a certain trust there...he trusts me not to hurt him and I LOVE that. It makes me feel "needed" when I know it's something he can and does do.
:woot:
Jennifer 
