The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well another Easter has come and gone.Again I worked my butt off cooking,and my sisters came over ate , burped and left.Didnt even offer to help clean up. My middle sister made me very mad . My 10 yr old daughter was avoiding a project sees supposed to be doing for school.So my sister says something about has she always procrastinated like this or is this recent ? (in a condacending tone).Meaning is she acting out since my divorce from my AH. I told her not to analyze the kids,its the weekend.And no matter how she acts , its still better than teaching her how to live w an alcoholic father. So thn my 8 yr old walks in and yells "Mom, your acting like Dad.!" What the !!!!!!! I sent him to his room.Told him he needs to give me way more respect thn that.And my Mom and my sis are both sitting there w the deer in the headlites look. I had to walk away,go outside and smoke and pray. This is the 1st holiday without my AH around to ruin it, and you know what, my heart just wasnt into it. I couldve done burgers and called it a day. I feel like since "he" isnt here , everyone is watching me all the time to see if Ill flip out,or they all expect me to be sooo releived hes gone tht Im gonna go out and celebrate.Whats wrong with these people ?I just want to go on w my life, raise my kids,and figure out who I am. Im taking my time .Im slowly telling people tht I filed for the divorce. I dont feel like Im doing anything wrong.But my family makes me feel like Im wrong
Last Easter didn't exist for me. I was in reation to the A. I spent the last 7 years in reaction to him, decades before that in reaction to my family of origin. I think for some of us it takes a while to work on our issues.
Don't beat yourself up you don't have to be perfect.
This Easter was good for me but I had no expectations at all and maybe that was why it was good.
I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. Don't be too hard on yourself, you've made a decision in the best interest of you and your kids. Don't allow your family to stand in judgement.
Trust in your HP, and keep on taking it One Day At a Time.
Happy Easter to you.
Love,
Claudia
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
Hey, don't let others make you feel like anything. They cannot make you feel anything unless you chose to feel it.
You feel as you feel. I now say, own it as your responsibility and disregard possessing something that you don't FEEL you should own.
If you get into the habit of NOT taking on their feelings, or what you feel they feel you should feel, then you will find that you will be nearer to where YOU want to be, and you will FEEL better about it.
Phew, that was a whole lot of feeling, said with great feeling. LOL
It will get better, for this too shall pass. If this year was better than the last one you spent with your A about then, in my humble opinion, it is much better and you are so much further down the road. Perhaps you have to set your sights lower in terms of what you do on these holidays. Be kind to yourself, I would feel like saying, and perhaps take the minimalists approach instead of the grand entertaining/banqueting/feast that leaves you with less to do and clear away should no-one have to decency to help with.
Compliments to the chef - MIDGET - the feast was grand. Breathe slowly, gently and relax. Sending you love.
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
Sorry you had a rough time. You're doing the best you can at this place and time. That's all anyone can ask of onesself. And you know, even if you aren't doing the best you can, that's okay too. I've had holidays when I would have choosen to crawl under the covers and sleep the day away. There are "no rules" to holidays. It's okay to be untraditional. My sister asked me why wasn't I making ham. It's tradition. Because this family wanted to have french onion soup instead that's why. Remember: "To thine ownself be true." That's all you can be. You get to choose whom you tell what's going on in your life. If others have a problem with that, so be it. What others think of me is none of my business. You'll be just fine. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Maybe the high point of the day was the feedback from your 8 year old. Kids' perceptions can often times be right on, humble and honest. Today I look at all the feedback I get and inventory it.
I know where you were at though. I remember those sensitive days and wouldn't want myself or anyone else to go through them. It was part of the learning curve on expectations and perceptions and letting it all go to HP.
