Aloha Berly!!

Having a glass of wine is not wrong.  Neither is alcoholism or addiction.  Alcoholism is not a moral issue I learned here...It is about illness a disease.

If you are feeling guilty about sitting there and having a glass of wine you might also sit there and ask yourself how you have been seeing his drinking.  Did you judge him as being wrong or bad?  Okay now you've heard that it is not a moral issue.  Does that change the picture?  There are lots and lots of people who can drink in manners that don't cause all of the problems that the ism does.  Some times they are called normies.  There are lots of people that don't think alcohol is a big deal and can take it or leave it...mostly leaving it. 

That is not the alcoholic who has a compulsion of the mind and an alergy of the body and for whom controlling their drinking went out the door almost with the first drink.  The disease  is progressive and it gets progressively worse over time.  If they go dry for a while and then return to drinking often times it is worse because the disease will take up again from where they left off and not from the very first drink. 

There are non alcoholic members in recovery who have a drink now and then whether their alcoholic minds or not.  I haven't seen many (In my case I went 9 years without one while in Al-Anon) but I have seen and heard of a few.  The alcoholic doesn't fall into craving when the non-alcoholic has a wine or beer or other drink.  The alcoholic should have a strong program of abstinence and would not be upset by the other's drinking. 

Only you can name what you are feeling and thinking and describe it honestly for yourself.  You also decide if and when you drink or not.

Keep coming back there is tons to learn here that have profound positive affect on our lives.

(((((hugs)))))

berly - I see nothing wrong with having a glass of wine while your husband is in rehab. If alcohol dependency isn't YOUR issue, then what's the problem? Sometimes we get SO caught up in the "alcohol is bad" thing (understandably so), that we forget that otherwise healthy adults can and do have a drink every now and then to relax and unwind. And if he's not at home - so you don't feel self-concious about it - then all the more reason to enjoy a glass. You've got PLENTY of time ahead of you once he gets home to weigh whether or not to have that glass of wine. My step-dad is in recovery, and while my mom was still alive - she would enjoy a glass of wine before dinner a few times a week. (Granted, he was well into recovery before she began doing this...and it never fazed him.) Every situation is different - and only you know if drinking in front of him is something that is okay for you. In the meantime - I say enjoy that glass of wine while he's rehabbing.

Peace,
R3

Whe people would ask my sober husband if it would bother him if they had a drink, his answer would be "It won't bother me if you drink, just if *I* drink". 

So many of us have had such pain due to other's drinking that we fall into the trap of thinking that the world is full of hidden alcoholics, that drinking is evil, that the only safe way to get through life is to stay far away from drinking. And, for some of us, that is a useful strategy.  It's not the whole world, though, it's just our part of the disease.

((((((((Berly)))))))),

Welcome to the MIP family.  I don't drink around my A, even though he tells me that it doesn't bother him to see me have a drink.  I have seen him be in a room w/people who are all drinking and not take a drop.  He could enter a bar and order a diet coke.  Seldom would he go to a bar and get drunk.  He pretty much stayed at home to drink.

Having said that, if you are not an alcoholic than it's your choice to have a drink or not.  Heck, even if you were an addict, like your A, it comes down to choice. I like Jerry's response about it not being wrong if you are or are not an addict.  Addiction is a disease.  Would it be wrong if my hubby had candy if I had diabetes? Of course not.  I am responsible for how I treat my disease and so is he.  

Enjoy the serenity of your surroundings.  I certainly hope you will find some meetings and learn as much as you can about this disease, his recovery and most importantly your recovery.  The dynamics of a sober relationship vs. and active one are very different.  I think back when A went to rehab,  I wish I had found Alanon while he was drinking and certainly when he started his recovery.  It took me a while to find this place.  Thank goodness I did.  I couldn't have made it this far without it.
Happy Easter to you.  Love and blessings to you and your family.

Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty <-- the cat