The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've made it through today. Came very close to having a job tomorrow through a temp agency. Who knows, perhaps if I call early enough in the morning, I may get something. We'll see. I've talked to him today a couple of times. And I've talked to my HP ALOT. I started reading "As We Understood". I got it off of eBay for a fairly reasonable price. Just basically paid for shipping. I found the Al-Anon 12 & 12 book I was looking all over the house for. Funny the things you find when you pack. I'm going to start reading that tomorrow sometime. I've got to go about 60 miles away to fill out an application for a job in the field I went to school for. Told him I needed to borrow the Jeep. Hopefully he'll drive and we can spend some time together. I'm trying my damndest to NOT be "down". Trying to keep a positive outlook. I was doing good until I didn't get that job. But, I prayed, told Him I needed help: a job, help to deal with life without my A in it everyday, help to find the path He has for me, help to LIVE. I was out smoking on the front porch this morning (mom quit) and noticed the little crocuses that sprouted up out by the bushes in the front yard and it reminded me of a calendar that had a picture of those tough little flowers on it coming up through the snow. and all it said under the flowers was "Perserverence". they are tough little creatures. I admire those little flowers. I want to be like the crocus. I AM the crocus. I WILL get through this. I WILL get a job tomorrow. I WILL get a car. I WILL get a place to live. and I WILL STOP feeling sorry for myself and dwelling on the fact that I miss him and our home. One of the things I am having trouble dealing without is the quiet. The absolute quiet of where our house is. At night you can hear those little frogs at the pond croaking. I love my children, please don't get me wrong. But at this point I need time to think. To reflect on HOW to get the things I need done done. I need quiet and I don't have that right now. Even when he is up, he's quiet. I've gotten used to being by myself. If I didn't feel like cooking, I'd have cereal for dinner. If I wasn't hungry, I wouldn't cook. KIDS EAT ALL THE TIME!!! little buggers. I just realized I didn't call my sponsor today. I'll have to do that in the morning.
Thanks for sharing your e,s, & h. You are really growing. I have followed your posts and your doing so much better on your journey. i love the crocus analogy. I too need to remember to be tough like the crocus and shine amidst the snow.
I'm going to start reading that tomorrow sometime. I've got to go about 60 miles away to fill out an application for a job in the field I went to school for. Told him I needed to borrow the Jeep. Hopefully he'll drive and we can spend some time together. 
