The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
((((glad))))) I can relate. They DO watch how we treat ourselves. But don't be so hard on yourself .... she also got to see how to treat those we care about. She learned about love from you. What a beautiful gift! And it's never too late to start taking care of you. In fact, what better time than now. Since your child is grown, now you've got no excuse not to put yourself first. She's still watching. Go for it!!!
In my own life I can say that I always put my daughters needs before my own. I don't know that that in itself was wrong, but I can see that I should have focused more on my own needs than I did.
Funny thing is that now that she's an adult, she has taught me more about pampering myself than I ever knew before. I never had a manicure or a pedicure until my daughter urged me to come with her. I never knew what I was missing!!
Since I am ACOA and my mother never had AlAnon, throughout our childhood I remember her as being somewhat of a martyr. This was the only example I had to follow, so I always felt a little guilty about pampering myself.
I am still learning about ways to make time for myself. I'm glad I can share this with my daughter so that she will remember to make time for herself when she has children.
Love,
Claudia
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
LOL thanks, I'm signing up for that scuba diving class now...
I have been thinking lately everything I do is for my kids and 99% of the time I am completely unappreciated. No matter how many times I say look at all I do for you it doesn't change soooo I'm gonna start doing for me more and them less. I'll take care of them but their utter happiness and non stop entertainment is not my main goal anymore. I saw a class online yesterday and was thinking gee that sounds like fun...but I wouldn't have anyone to do it with...blah! Maybe I'll meet someone to do it with there!!! I NEED to do things that are just for and about me and not always about kids. I feel like a mom but not like a woman. I'm sure most of you know what I mean when I say that.
I absolutely know what you mean CG. It is a concept that never even crossed my mind until I was doing some of my own family of origin work. I was raised by my mother who always seemed to suffer through life. Most of the few women I looked up to as I became an adult seemed to suffer through life. It didn't seem to matter if the had and A or not. So I learned to suffer. I grew up thinking that Moms just suffer.
That's not how I want my kids to live as adults. I want them to live happy and healthy and know how to fix what they don't like about themselves. So I'm going to try to teach them that I matter and they matter. I want them to know that just because they have kids or other demands on their lives doesn't mean that they are less important. Believe me, kids are much happier when Mom is happy. When Mom is happy she engages with them. When I am not happy or feel the weight of the world on me, I tend to sweep them aside, like they are a chore to be dealt with. That is tragic and I don't want to do that anymore.
Thanks for this topic Glad.
In recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
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