Respecting Self - Al-Anon Family Group

Jen · ~*Service Worker*~

Respecting Self

glad · ~*Service Worker*~

I am learning to respect myself by not overreacting to things I can not contol.
I am learning to respect myself by not obsessing over how I wish things could be.
I am learning to respect myself by thinking about what brings me pleasure and doing it for me not someone else.
I am learning to respect myself by not taking it to heart when someone says something that I wish they didn't think- my new favorite words "I"m sorry you feel that way". Then just dropping it and going on with what I want. So much power there for me!!
I am learning alot more things but those are the ones that come to mind at the moment.

serendipity · ~*Service Worker*~

That's a good one. I think one way is to not put myself down to others. My oldest daughter looks just like me and everyone keeps telling me we are the spitting image of each other. I used to say "yes, we are, poor girl..." and laugh. That is what my mother would have responded with. I thought to myself (after seeing other people's reactions) that maybe my reply wasn't really that funny so, I started saying "thank you." I have to respect myself for others to respect me.

I am also trying very hard to feel my emotions and just sit with them. Own them and believe that it is OK to be right where I am. That is what I would tell a friend who were going thru what I am going thru. I am being my own best friend.

Aloha · ~*Service Worker*~

I try to do many of the same things you do, Jen

I try to take care of myself physically with exercise and proper eating. Exercise is such a phenomenal stress-reliever. I sleep so much better on days where I've exercised, too. And eating right helps in that if I'm not stuffing myself with unhealthy food, I'm then providing my body with appropriate food, and certain nutrients can have certain affects on my mood, even. One thing I must try to avoid when I'm feeling stressed or angry is SUGAR. It turns me into a basket case if I couple it with stress.

I try to take care of myself spiritually via doing what I've always known in keeping in touch with my HP. Through literature, contemplation and meditation. While I'm not Hindu, I am taking a morning Chakra meditation class twice a week. I use it as yet another opportunity to clear all the crap from my mind and actually tune in to my HP, accept my HP's gifts to me and give love and thanks to my HP for giving me life and watching out for me and providing me with all the things I find wonderful in my life.

I take care of myself mentally through working on projects where I can express my creativity. I'm an artist by profession, and it's something I need to continue to do to keep my well of creative energies full. So, I journal, I doodle, I play with my design programs on my computer, I sketch, I spend time enjoying nature's beauty and draw inspiration from it, I try to do creative projects whenever I can and keep my focus on doing creative stuff. It's not always easy, but when I dedicate time to it, my creative energies really start to flowing and it serves as a great distraction from the troubles I may be having in my life.

An addition to the creative stuff for mental health, I also take care of my mental health via getting to Al-anon meetings, posting here, journaling, and keeping appointments with my counselor.

I take care of myself socially by keeping in touch with my friends and family - and not just to call them for a shoulder to cry on, either. I keep in touch just to know how they're doing, and possibly do something enjoyable with my in-town friends.

JillyJo · Member

Loved your answers to the question of respecting yourself. It definately involves all the things people mentioned. Tackling one new way to help yourself and then adding to it as time goes by. One other thing I finally have the courage to do is to stand up for myself, my beliefs, my opinions and my rights. It took me a long time to realize how important it was for me to step up and let 'me' be me and allow myself to be known even in the face of adversity and hardship that may come my way for taking a stand.

JillyJo

Heartbroken · Senior Member

Jen you just made me take stock of where I am in Respecting Self. My report would say, " Tries hard, but could do better. She needs to set her sights higher."

So here goes, as from now I will show myself respect by -

1. Give thanks as I awake
2. Eat well
3. Set manageable goals - by acknowledging PROGRESS and not striving for perfection
4. Exercise daily
5. Work my programme daily
6. Do something special for myself, I AM WORTH IT!
7. Give thanks before I go to sleep

And I need to do this by going to bed early and getting up early.

Babysteps, I have NOT been realistic in my expectations of self. Thank you for asking (((((Jen)))).

-- Edited by Heartbroken at 22:15, 2008-03-18

Jean4444 · ~*Service Worker*~

This is such a great string of posts, thanks Jen for the topic!

How do I respect myself? One way is to NOT LIE or minimize myself , what I am feeling, etc. I am not saying its good to blow things up (its not) but I have a tendency to say "oh, its OK" when its really not. It is better for me to say nothing at all. This is one way I respect myself and honor myself. If I am having a bad day, its ok for me to just acknowledge this instead of saying "Oh, its ok" and acting like it does not matter. it does and it will pass and that is what is supposed to happen. Its not a big deal so why lie about it or pretend its not happening?

I have always felt a huge lack of acknowledgement, generally- and I am finding it stems from my own lack of self-acknowledgement!!

And yes, I also dress more nicely, etc. and have even been asked out on dates??!! Its like I am no longer invisible, people actually see me now and its because I am actually seeing myself and feeling like its ok to be "out". I smile and laugh more and stop and chat a little instead of always running here and there trying to not be stopped, seen, etc. Also, another way to respect myself is to act like the adult that I indeed am, not a child (I am no longer a child). I can manage, I can calmly respond and conduct myself with dignity. I am a grown woman with lots of skills and experience, its time to act like one 100% of the time. Its no longer relevant to act like a child anymore, thanks to this program- I have finally grown up! Hugs, J.

cookie1971 · ~*Service Worker*~

I remember to take care of my health and eat the things that I should.

I remember that there are things I can not control, and thats OK.

I remember that my opinion matters, but I should not give my opinion in the heat of anger, because generally my opinion is not respected when it's given in that manner.

I remember to take time for myself, because I am worth it.

I remember that if do not respect others first then they will never respect me.

I remember that I can not always "Fix" every situation and thats OK too.

Love,

Claudia

thinkstoomuch · Senior Member

By naming my feelings, recognizing that feelings themselves are neither good nor bad, that they are quite separate from what I may decide to DO about them. I still remember the time I said to myself out loud, walking to the Goodwill store after someone had committed some traffic sin against me (cut me off? taken my parking space? can't remember)..... "I'm really ANGRY about this!", kind of in surprise and recognition.

And then once I had said it, also much to my surprise, I wasn't angry anymore.

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

I believe that self-respect is something I have never lacked...and because that is so, I have no trouble doing the things that are right for me. I eat a healthy diet, maintain healthy weight, take care of my looks, and present myself in a positive way.

I have started training a couple months ago, and next year plan to attempt to run the New York City marathon. I have always wanted to do that, but never took the time.

I hold my head high...yes, I am a proud person... and face life squarely and honestly. I think I am pretty much ok.

Diva

Jen · ~*Service Worker*~

Great responses! And even a couple I hadn't thought of.

Jean- I know what you mean about minimizing. It is one of my roadblocks, but I am working on it.

Jilly- Welcome! Babysteps is the key. Learn one new thing at a time and just keep adding one more.

Thank you all for chiming in. The growth here is wonderful to see and so inspiring.

In recovery,

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

Over reacting is huge for me. I did not even know I was doing it.

Maresie.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.