The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
For some time now I have been wrestling with silence. I have been afraid of silence, I have been disappointed by silence, I have thought that I was utterly forgotten and I was not prepared to sit, wait and listen through the silence any longer, for I wanted answers and I wanted them after the count of three. However, after stopping to think about this I decided that still I was getting nowhere and it occurred to me that I had to change someone or something in this situation.
Now we all know that the only person I can change is me and so I figured that I would have to change something about me in order to get some answers.
It also occurred to me that I was paying lip service to the slogan, Let Go, Let God and I was not really letting go, letting God; I decided that I could not just say it I really had to let go, let God for that was the only way I was going to get answers.
Well folks, I have been doing this for the last ten days or so and each time I thought that I had simply picked up the problem again I physically stopped myself, sat myself down and let go, and let God. Eventually, I found myself sitting in absolute silence, not saying a word and just listening to that emptiness. Gradually, the silence no longer felt like a threat, instead it seemed to be full of 'something' - I did not know what the something was at first.
Let Go, Let God, I kept saying to myself, and suddenly I realised that my relationship with my HP had changed, and now when the silence seems to speak louder than any words, I find I am experiencing a great personal intimacy with my HP than at any other time.
In that intimacy, which occurs in the silence before I 'have the answer', I have come to realise that He has indeed answered me. Once I began to be still, and wait, and listen to that silence that was when the voice of my HP became crystal clear. And as I have grown in intimacy, so I have grown in confidence, and now I am able to say.
"I hear you, and I now understand what it is that I have to do."
It is an experience that I want to savour and repeat for it is as though someone has just turned the light on and I am wondering why I have always been in such a rush.
In being in such a rush I have missed the delights of just being.
Right now I am a human being, and I am not a human doing.
To be is what I need to do, for in being I will get to know myself and then I will have a better grip on understanding everything else about myself.
Wow, this has been quite an incredible discovery for me, and I just wanted to try to share this with you. I hope you have been able to make sense of what I have been trying to pass on.
__________________
"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
HB - it makes perfect sense to me. There is such clarity in the silences. For me it's turning down the noise - the chatter - that goes on in my head 24/7. "What if I do this? Why didn't I do this? I forgot to take care of that! How will I ever...? When can I.....?" It's that kind of "noise". I long ago turned off the TV noise (except for certain things - and only when I'm conciously paying attention to it) - I don't like the humming of a running TV. I listen to music a good bit - but only things that stir my soul or make me want to dance. I don't consider that "noise". But the BEST times are those times in silence. Writing. Talking to HP. Listening. Like you, I'm no longer "afraid" of the silence, and I don't feel the pull to fill it up.
I'm a big "quiet time" girl. I like to have the TV off and the radio off and just have the sounds of the ambient atmosphere be my "music" for me. I can think clearer. I don't have other weird chatter going on in the background distracting me.
It's tough for me to get this all the time because my AH is a big noise person. He's not comfortable unless he has some kind of noise going on around him at all times. Thankfully he's not that way when he sleeps! But when he's awake, that television must be on, or some music needs to be playing. He doesn't like silence.
So, true silent quiet-time is a rarity for me when living with my AH.
I now live close enough to home that I can go home for lunch during my lunch breaks, and it is SOOOO nice because my AH is not there - it's just me in the house and it's just nice and quiet!
I'm also taking a morning chakra meditation class twice a week - and this is particularly nice because you really practice hard on emptying your head and listening to nothing. It's such a great way to connect with my HP, because I'm sure a lot of the time, my HP is trying to speak to me, but if my own mind is chattering on and on, then my HP's words and love get lost in my chatter.
So, I love that - just STOP. Sit down, empty your head, listen to nothing but the silence.
I also thought of Echart Tolle, whom I consider one of the great spiritual teachers of our time.
He says we have learned to listen and live by the voice of ego and have become so used to it we think the ego is our true self, not so. If we quiet the ego voice, that is when we can sit with our true selves, the inner spirit, the soul.
Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Count me in with the silence seekers.When I'm at work I go and sit in my car for lunch.I just have to get away from all the noise and talking in the breakroom.I come back about 15 minutes before I am due back and sit and chat with coworkers,but I have to have my time alone.It strengthens me.I have known for a very long time that if I don't get that time away I can lose my serenity very quickly.It's like I plug in to HP for a recharge.I also plug into ME...the true me.I hope to someday be able to stay plugged in to both all the time...wouldn't that be great!I think it's possible but I am not there yet. Aloha.....my AH is also a noise person.If he isn't watching or listening he's talking.I love it when he's not here and I can have silence.Someday I'll have my own place.Just hope I can find one with quiet neighbors.
Interestingly, I have never heard of or have no idea of who you are all talking about, perhaps he is well known in the US, this Eckart Tolle or Echart Tolle however you spell his name.
However, it is as a result of living with so much silence but I have realised that I do not need to be doing all of the time, I simply have to be, hence my statement, A Human BEING not a Human DOING.
It has made sense of my not BEING able to DO much! I also makes the silence more bearable when you live with it 24/7.
__________________
"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
