The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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Had a pretty rough start this morning...I asked him last night to make sure I was up this morning when he got home from work (7a.m.)...he did(n't)... he said ONE thing to me this morning to wake me up...and that doesn't work...I was pretty upset when I finally woke up 40 minutes later. I told him that I was now running late...when I came out of the bedroom he was chatting on the computer...and at that moment I felt that his conversation there was more important to him than helping me out...I had quite a few things to do this morning before an interview...and in fact I'm still irritated about him sitting there...but when I think about it, how much does it really matter?? It doesn't. But it does. He counts on me to get him up each day for work on time and I was counting on him to get me up for something important. He acted like what I needed/wanted didn't/doesn't matter. And I think that's what bothers me the most. Perhaps that's the A personality....Hurray for me and forget you...This really isn't something "new". It's been happening for a while, if I really sat and thought about it...but that would irritate me...course all of this could just be PMS
Oooh. I hate that period of time when I KNOW I'm in the PMS time-range, Jen. It really muddies the waters for me and makes me wonder what's true valid anger/disappointment/hurt, and what's just emotions running wild and crazy due to PMS.
I know for a fact during PMS, I'm prone to building mountains from molehills. And it's so frustrating, because it just hits me like a freight train - I just lose control and it is HARD steering my brain back into reality afterwards.
I had the same thing a couple weeks ago where there was nothing - ABSOLUTELY NOTHING - my AH could have done right that entire day. I found fault in every single thing he did from sunup to sundown.
And, after that day, my AH did admit to me he was grumpy that day, too... but jeez, PMS did not make it easy to deal with his crabbiness. It just amplified it for me and made me super-sensitive to EVERYTHING.
It's not like the day I had yesterday where I had one moment of anger and then was able to calm myself down and be logical. PMS just starts me off on the wrong foot and then it's all a messy downhill tumble from there.
Are you able to wake up to an alarm? I think the less you place your dependence on your A to do things for you, the less you're likely to find reasons to get mad at him for not following through - and face it, A's seem to have a nasty habit of not following through on the things we feel are important! It may not be their intention, but it happens nonetheless.
Simple solution in two words ..... alarm clock. Most cell phones even have alarm clocks on them now too. They work really great and you can adjust the volume to what works for you. On mine I can set up to 3 different times and have a different ring tone to each one.
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
This was one of the continual things that frustrated me with the A. I continually did for him but he did not reciprocate. I could still be in that dance. I did find it absolutely enraging. I had to really work on detaching then on moving in my own direction. When I sat in a sea of frustration I went into resentment, then chronic resentment, then rage, then depression, then paralysis.
Yep, I gotta go with Kismitstrand - you have your alarm clock, he has his. Nobody has to get someone else up.
I found that a lot of the things that made my life difficult were like this - they were only hard because I was trying to do them without the correct tools, or trying to fit them into some preconceived notion of how they "should" be, rather than giong for what worked.
Your story rang a bell (got it? rang a bell - I slay me) for me because something similar was a problem for me for years. The only bedside clock was on the only bedside table, on his side of the bed. I would have to set the alarm in order to get up in the morning, but had to do it very carefully (there wasn't much room between the bed and the wall), so I didn't wake him up if he had gone to bed (passed out, in other words) before I did. Sometimes I just didn't want to take the chance of waking him, if he was in a bad mood, and would sleep fitully all night, so that I could get up without an alarm. He had his own little alarm that he took care of himself, because he worked very odd hours. Then, I got the bright idea of getting a bedside table for myself, and moving MY alarm clock over to MY side of the bed. No more problems, and yet it had taken me at least five years of living like that to think of it.
Bringing my own car, so I could leave when I was ready, was another one that took years to think of, and brought my stress levels down by an enormous amount.
What it comes down to - instead of making yourself crazy by relying on an unreliable person, just make a plan B, and cross that problem off your list.
My AH would always throw a tantrum because of my plan B's though. He told me often that I was "not participating in the relationship" by having plan B's (i.e. NOT relying on him=not participating in the partnership/relationship). No win situation- I stuck to my Plan B's and now we are separated!! lol!! Hugs, J.
Jennifer - I gotta agree with everyone. That was my first thought. Rely on an alarm clock. We all know that A's aren't known for their reliability. Heck...I don't count on ANYONE to wake me up. I just have learned through the years that if you want something done RIGHT, you have to do it yourself. I HATE that, but I also know it's true.
But if you're ANYTHING at all like me, you're thinking - "But it's the PRINCIPLE of the thing. Why couldn't he do this for me since he knew it was important to me???" Honestly? ..... Who knows? And don't waste another minute on that one. Just store this incident away as a lesson learned, buy that alarm clock, and get on with your living.
okay real quick everybody say DEPO Shot. Dr. gives it to you, your body takes a few mths to adjust-PMS like symptom a little bit -- then no PMS or anything related to it ever again! Wondering why all women don't use it. I love it!
