The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night I was a speaker at an al-anon meeting. Its kind of my home group. I was really scared. I mean, I have done a ton of public speaking but this was really different. It was super hard but I did it and I shared some things that were very personal and very painful. It really brought some stuff back up for me- like a dredging.
It was what I needed to do, though. When I was asked I did not hesitate to agree. I knew it was HP's way of telling me its time to face this again. This along with the recent flashbacks, etc. have really helped me to remain in my truth instead of pretending that these things never happened. They did and I must not forget or slip into denial.
Last night afterwards I had dinner with an al-anon friend and we talked about how pervasive denial is and we call it "being in the rabbit hole". We shared that sometimes we don't even know we are in it. For me, this is a significant part of my disease. This is where the distorted thinking comes from, I could go on and on.
Anyway, just wanted to share that little/BIG accomplishment. I mean, it took me a good 8-9 months to say a single word in al-anon. I came from such a verbally abusive situation that I had learned not to speak much at all and certainly never to make eye contact with anyone. Today not only can I look anyone and everyone in the eye, I am comfortable talking and laughing. Thank god for this program, it has healed me and saved my life. Hugs, J.
Yaaaay!! I wish I could have been there for additional support and to hear you tell "your story" out loud in front of the family. The sweat comes with it and that is what hankies are for.
Soooo very good for you. You may find out later that your program was dipped in fertilizer from it and the growth will be more evident.
I definitely like your share about denial. I know I don't want to slip into that myself. It's tempting, and while at the time it may seem therapeutic to just try and ignore something until it disappears - the problem is... it never disappears! It'll only go away if I work on it - and denial ain't the way!
Wonderful! Way to go! It is a bit scary when I know I am scheduled to chair a meeting, but once I get going and see all of those supportive faces out there, it always turns out just fine. LOL
wish i could of been there for you also...big big hugs for having the courage to be the speaker. I remember the first time I was a speaker at an Alanon meeting...i was a wreck...but i'm so glad i did share that night...it really helped me begin to deal with my feelings. I also found out that nite that talking with members of my home group that there were some who experienced some of the same issues as a child as i had..and they understood. That for me was a gift from my HP. Knowing someone else could really understand. Again..congrats ...you did great!!
