The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is a must share for me so that I can relieve the awareness pressure from my spirit that the disease has brought.
My wife and I attended a wake and viewing this morning for a young (40) man who died as a result of cancer. They were friends from my wife's work place who had moved to Nev 7 years ago. He battled and lost. While there I got up to rest my butt and travel around touching people, places and things. I got to the "album" board and viewed the photos of him and friends and family pinned to it. He was drinker. There were many photos of the bleary eyed stare and the hand grasping a Corona. There were the single shots and the group shots. One shot was of him and his brothers. One brother I know well and is on work furlough between work and jail as a result of his 5th DUI. He no longer has a drivers license, (communities HP?). I remember my college studies on alcoholism and drug addiction and the connection that was made long ago between alcohol abuse and addiction and other major fatal diseases. Too often the cause was mis-named. However...I was there not to judge or figure out but to comfort so I went back in and sat with my spouse. Eventually we were spotted by a past member of this fellowship who no longer attends with her daughter-in-law. They are no longer related by marriage cause his drinking and using helped to end that. She came over to give us her hugs and I inquired of her son because I was also his case manager while he was in ATV. Yes booze, drugs and violence are firm relatives. It wasn't long ago that she was asking me how he was and I had lost contact with him...now it was my turn. He had remarried and had a baby daughter was in ATV trying to get life closer to a straight line for once and not doing real well at it because alcohol and drugs were still involved on both sides of the marriage. I had suggested a recovery program he denied he was addicted. I never met her or saw the baby. So what was her response to me as I asked how he was doing? "He's dead" she responded. "He died in my arms of an overdose of drugs." I am hearing impaired and attention defficit but I got most of it and my wife filled me in on what little I had missed. She added a few unimportant sordid pieces of the picture for filling but then I wasn't listening. He was a child of God; a human being of 39 years of age one year younger than the man in the casket. He was a year older than my youngest son and they were friends at one time.
I listened. I got my hugs. I took my wife to work and came home for lunch. I went to work up on the roof of a client who is certainly dying of alcoholism at this very moment. (I could be and want to be wrong about that however my lessons in college on alcohol isolation are being acted out at this home.) Up on this roof with the current weather conditions I can see forever. There isn't a cloud in the sky that can hide from my vision. Every cool breeze that rushes to cool me from the sun that comes along the coast or from the ocean itself I can feel and smile at. Every bird within a quarter mile or so of me that has a whistle my hearing aids can pick up. There is nothing here that my HP has put here for my enjoyment that I can miss. I sat on this roof working and looking and working the crazy "talk story" compulsion away so that my thoughts and my words were my HP's thoughts and words and when that came to be I heard, "There are bodies everywhere" and I agreed and felt secure that only some were dead and many more, including mine, were very much alive and willing to stay that way.
I will make a list of a certain three I will pray for. Eric M., Kevin M., Leslie E. Add to this list as you wish and in the morning I will add them into mine.
Thank you for that post and for your concern for others. You show that it is possible to be in this program and have a healthy self love, mind your own business etc. and still care deeply for others, yet admit HP is in charge.
I can't even imagine dying in 2 years. I guess we never can really prepare for that though but so young it's hard to imagine. My daughters' father died at 30 falling down a flight of stairs drunk and hitting his head. I'll add Julian to the list maybe the loss of another dad can be averted.
(((Jerry))) my dad, Art, who is still alive, still drinking and very sick and won't admit it to himself. I will include everyone to my list and thank you everyone for sharing
Okay as of 7AM Big Island time we have 8 names on the list (mine)...Meeting first and then an Oceanside Prayer to the creator of all this beauty around me.
Jerry, a beautiful post. Thank you, it brought tears to my eyes as I add David to the list. Thank you for your presence here, it is extremely meaningful, I am so grateful for your willingness to share your experiences. Hugs, J.
In the past few years I have begun to notice how people die of codependence and other diseases. It is not the big spectacular way an A goes. For me personally its neglect, I knew one woman who ran off to another country to be with her one true love. She had had cancer but treatment could not wait for her love. She immersed herself in denial. A year later she was back with Stage IV Cancer. Everyone hated the guy of course why did he not love her enough for her to love herself.
I know I will certainly die a slow and awful death if I do not learn to take care of myself. I no longer think it will be suicide but it is actually slow suicide to not take care of yourself and to put others before yourself.
There are too many to count. I always say in my prayers: "Bless all the addicts and their families. May they find thier path to peace." Your post was lovely and brought tears to my eyes. You are quite the person and I am blessed by your prescence here. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
