The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last week I was thinking about how my 2 older kids needed dressers in their rooms. My daughter has 2 small ones which cannot hold all the clothes she has strewn about her room (lots of hand-me-downs from a cousin) and my son has been supposed to use the shelves in his closet, but doesn't. I kick myself for getting rid of some solid dressers a few yrs ago (instead of refinishing them) and replacing them with cheap ones that looked good. Anyhow,just given where we are, I decided we just need to get organized and clean out and make do for now. Then on Sunday my sis-in-law calls. Do we need a dresser? They are moving into thier new house and my niece's is built-in. Oh, and by the way, it is big and heavy (Thomasville) and just needs some touch-up. So, my daugher gets the big one and the smaller ones are perfect for my son. Yay!
Yesterday started rather lousy. I have to come up with $3000 for a retainer for my attorney. Decided to put it on a credit card I never use. Thus, I can't find the card anywhere since I never use it, and I need the expiration date. No big deal I think, I'll just call the company and they can give it to me. Nope. Not gonna happen. I have to report the card lost/stolen and get a new one. I don't want to. No amount of security questions can get me throught it. I detest Capital One. They have the worst customer service. Anyhow, my mom calls in the middle of it and I fill her in a bit, acting confident that I will have it handled. She calls me back a short time later and tells me not to worry about paying my dad the $350 I owe him for having my car fixed (he paid for it when he picked it up for me last week). Ahhh, so nice, but I'm a bit uncomfortable about it. I hope to pay him back.
In the conversation with my mom she stated how she felt I need to get a reliable 8 hr a day job. Right now I work for 3 companies but all are per diem so I never know how much I will work or how much I'll make. But, I am so flexible in my hours that it is an ideal situation with the kids. So, I'm very resistant to the idea, but she is probably right. Then, at the end of the work day yesterday, a colleague comes up to me to tell me about another place that could use me, and would accept anything I could give! If I am having a slow week I could call and go. If they call me and I'm busy, I can decline. So, it is at least worth a phone call.
I share these little tidbits because I believe they are representative of God throwing me a bone and saying "good job". He is telling me to "Keep going, showing up and working at it. I will take care of you, just keep doing your part." So, I thank him and I will.
Blessings, Lou
-- Edited by Loupiness at 10:27, 2008-03-11
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
(((((Lou))))) Thank you so much for sharing that. Just adds to my hope and faith that I am in the right place doing what HP wants me to do. And reinforces "it works if you work it, so work it your worth it"
I have learned to humble myself and when a gift is given (ie $350) to accept it graciously and then let it go. I have gotten myself into trouble feeling like I owe someone or they owe me. In my experience, it is best to just let it go and when giving never expect a return. Maybe someday you'll have the opportunity to help them with something or help someone else and pay it forward!
Funny how when you think about something you need somehow it drifts into your life. I have had that happen so many times I can't even say.
Kudos on the dressers! I love when that stuff happens. I can relate. A total stranger was giving away a nice quality sectional couch (we have craigslit where I live - I love it!) because they were moving/downsizing. Only paid $75 to a friend for his help to move it in his truck and get it into the house. I was telling a friend last night, that it makes my house feel complete. Like one less thing that I want/need and for practically nothing.
I have a hard time accepting monetary gifts as well. Over the weekend a friend slipped $10 in my purse (I am pretty sure...otherwise I have no recollection of how it got there). I initially was going to put it back in her purse when I saw her again. She is a sweety and didn't give it out of pity, I don't think. I come to her house for play dates with our kids more than she comes to mine and it involves a 30 minute drive, so I think she was just trying to say she acknowledged that. She mentions it a lot. We love spending time with them, so it is no sacrifice. Instead of giving it back, I used some of that money to get myself and my daughter a treat yesterday on the way home from school to make our commute more bearable:c) I realize that is a lot less than $350, but as long as they are not hurting for it, you can accept the kind gesture as a good lesson in your recovery, of allowing others to help and hopefully not feeling any guilt about it.
I always look forward to your posts. I can relate to so much in them...they help me.
Hi Lou, nice post! Yeah, my mom has always thought I should get an 8 hour a day job, too. I think part of it is that generation. Free-lance/consulting, etc. is unfathomable to my mom. Reminds me of the old days of the soviet governments in Russia- when the system changed no one knew what to do because the system changed to one of free enterprise- that is kind of what happened between those generations, I think. It used to be you got that 9-5 job and worked for the same company all your life, day in a day out, no questions asked. NOT anymore!!! I know my mom does not "get" it at all so I just smile and nod. Thanks for your post. Loved the part about the dressers. I had that happen recently too, with an overhead projector. I was just thinking "gee, I really need to find/borrow an overhead projector somehow..." and I walked into the grad lounge and one was just sitting there in the middle of the table!!! Like it just appeared there for me!! SO COOL! Hugs, J.
I did find things came my way when I turned my life over. I also found difficulties though. Life is not all uphill when you do the program. The way I got through the difficulties was with slogans and working a program around them.
I do think it is tremendously difficult to contemplate leaving. I am coming up to one year physically leaving the A. I still had a lot of contact with him for 9 months or so after that. I am at 3 months of no contact at all.
It reminds me of that story of some person who gets trapped on their roof during a flood. Every time someone comes by to rescue him from the top of his home as the floodwaters rise, he tells them "No, thank you. God will save me."
He declines so many people and eventually the floodwaters take him and he dies. When he meets the Almighty, he whines, "Why didn't you save me!?!?!"
And God tells him, "Are you kidding? I sent ALL those people to rescue you and you didn't accept any of their help!"
So yeah - our HPs work in wonderful ways. And it's not always in some magical, defying-the-odds-of-nature "miracle". Most often, it's through small things that might seem pretty mundane to most of us. But hey, it WORKS.
I'm grateful, too, for any bones my HP throws me, and I try to keep my mind open enough to recognize the gift from my HP when it comes to me and to use it with many thanks!
Wow, Lou. Great post. I love the ability to find positives that this program gives us. It is truely a blessing in my life. Way to work WITH HP.
In recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
