The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, my ABF has left...so I am getting a "break"...and it feels so good
...simply amazing, when he got out the car, my headache immediately went away! :)
He call about 20 minutes later and said to me...you sound so happy now that I'm gone. I said, really you don't say (smiling).
Anyway, I plan to take full advantage of my vacation or "break" away from him. He call the other day, you know the usual, this is going on, that is going, blah blah blah.
...I had to cut him off (I didn't want to get caught up) I mean what is the purpose of us being apart and me needing a break if i'm going to deal with the same ole crap? IT DEFEATS THE PURPOSE! I mean he's a good person but that's besides the point!
Will he come back after my much needed vacation/break from him? GOD ONLY KNOWS but in the mean time I plan on focusing on me
When you got a break from your 'A" or ABF? Did you find it difficult or did you capitalized on his/her time away from you?
Both. It was nice to feel like I didn't have to worry about him and if he was dead or not (when he was in rehab and in the mental ward) but it wore off quickly and I had to really start looking at me and at the relationship. All of the sudden, without his chaos to focus on, I could start to see how sick the realtionship itself was. And that was all hard to look at. Knowing that just because he was gone, or getting help didn't make the relationship (or me) automatically better. I started to understand that I had to be the change I wanted and if that change meant losing him to his illnesses then so be it. Him being gone gave me a glimpse of my own inner strength. It was difficult and it was good for me. Since I have gone No Contact it has gotten much much easier to see how bad it actually was. But that's a whole other post! Good luck and enjoy the good feelings and the up times. Sometimes we think we got off the rollercoaster only to have it start up just as we are stepping off.
During a "break up" about a year ago, I felt this great sence of relief during most of my day, even found myself kinda "skipping" through the mall one day lol- then I would "think" and try to figure our how to make it better, feel extream anxiety and sadness- then back to relief and peace of not having my reasonable hopes of a relationship rejected or ignored back and forth. I guess due to my issues as soon as he showed the slightest interest in trying to make things better - no real actions just interest- I was back in 100% and I got no real change, but he got to come back and get all the benefits and support etc. Boy this was before I found Al Anon. Can't say what will happen now but at least (most of the time) I am more aware of what I am dealing with and don't blame myself for not being able to fix it. If I had the support of Alanon then I'm pretty sure things would have been different.
My "break" extended into 2 years (heh heh) and I feel incredible. I felt it right away, too. Then I would call and cling and wish and pine away for him but never really wanted to be with him- it was all my own head trip on myself because of the huge hole that existed in his absence. I got busy with al-anon and now I can honestly say that i wake up pretty much every day happy as a clam, my little light is all bright and beautiful. But I have worked really hard and continue to. I have some hard rules, too and one of them is to NOT SPEND TIME WITH NEGATIVE PEOPLE. Thats the fastest way south for me. an alcoholic needs to avoid alcohol and I need to avoid negative mean people.
We have been apart so long, I no longer really care if we get back together or not. In a way it doesn't even matter because either way, I am fine. Its my choice, I know, and when the time come, I will make it and I will not be afraid because I know either way, I win. Now is not the time to make that choice.
I felt a huge relief because I was not being yelled at and blamed 24/7. Now, I care enough about myself that I will just walk out the door and never come back if I hear that again. Just cannot live with that, won't and cant. Its real simple now. Thank god for this program. Hugs, J.
Wow Jean, I'm really impressed and inspired by what you wrote. Thanks for sharing. I keep feeling better almost every day, and continue to be inspired by those I see here! Every time I see/ feel myself react a little differently or not feel destroyed by things or set boundries or stop blaming myself even a little I feel like WOW - I thought I would never feel better but I do and look at who I'm becoming... just from a few meetings and reading post like yours or even the ones that seem "down" as it makes me not feel alone in my struggles and having the opportunity to share when I feel up or down and not feeling judged. I love Al anon and how it has helped me. I love my HP for directing me here and for being the real source of all this joy.
I've recently set a few boundries and feel more self worth and it's such a small little step but I keep smiling and kinda feeling like superwoman lol.
Thanks for responding! I know it's natural to think about that person. There are times that I think about him (that's only natural) because we have share alot of good times together and he has some good characterictics also but I am going to most certainly "try" to focus on myself and not get sucked into the "stuff" that's going with him on his side of the world.
This weekend, I actually got a chance to hang out with some family and friends and that was nice. I mean, it felt like old times and it was long overdue!
My "ABF" did call but I missed his phone call---not once, twice, three but 4 times). I just happen to be napping when he called!
He left a message and he sounded okay, so that's a good thing :)
