The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
You might remember i had a relationship with someone a few weeks ago. And got scared and ended it because he was kind, caring, considerate, loving, and i had never experience that before from a guy. I have regretted it ever since. I hurt him, in a way i shouldn't have. I was waiting on the bubble to burst. So, i jumped before i got pushed. I got it horribly wrong. We talked and he said he was happy together and had no intention of ending it...(Typical acoa.)me!!.
For a few weeks we had no contact. Then this week i realised i was missing him so much. I got in contact with him, and we have been online a few nights together just being like we used to be..laughing. Last night he told me he had found a lump on his side. And he was scared. I told him i was scared for him, and i was, i got a fright when he told me. I told him i was there for him, and meant it.
This morning he had the doctors again. I called him, and he said to me, "i have a tumour", and it's growing. I spoke to him for about 10 mins on the phone, i felt NUMB, SCARED, I had him laughing, but his voice gave him away. I didn't know what to say to him, as you know it's always difficult. I work with this all the time. But this is so different to me. I sent him an e.mail telling him i'm here whenever, and I care.....
I've cried all night, i do miss him and care about him, we are "nuts" together. I realised too late that i had thrown away what we had. He is the only man who has ever "accepted" me for being just me. And the only man who i ever felt "worthy" round about....
Why am i here yet again, more hurt and pain. My thoughts are all with him, just want to be with him, hold him, show him i DO care.support him through this.
Ahhhhhh Ally Girl, I am with you. Can you feel my arms around you.
So sorry this is happening. Keep on loving and keep on being there. I have no answer for as to WHY...is the prognosis known at this stage or is it still being investigated?
Keep the faith, take courage and I will pray for you and your man.
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
OK, Ally, group hug. Take a deep breath and think. If there is no answer yet then stay in the now. Easy Does It. If you really don't know anything then there is nothing to be worried about yet. It is good to be there for him, but don't forget to stick to your program and take care of yourself, too.
Wish I could come give you a real hug. Hang in there.
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Well it sounds like you are connected again. I tend to take a very negative view on life, catastrophize everything. Melody Beattie thinks that is part of codependency and it makes me even more dependent on others. I really try to take the positive way now. Of course we are going to be afraid when it comes to relationship. I think it sounds like you are being really "there" for your friend, that is incredible. Whatever you did in fear there is no need to crucify yourself for it. You are "there" for him at a very difficult time that is a sign of real friendship. Be kind to yourself.
Don't beat yourself up over your past behavior. You were doing the best that you could at the time. Have you thought about being there for yourself as well? Just a thought since I know when I feel I have made a horrible mistake I tend to go into people pleasing mode and wind up putting my needs way at the bottom of the list. Here's a big hug for you (((Allie))).
Here is what I see in your story... you have shared a wonderful time with this person... and for a week, took a break... now he could use someone he can share his feelings with and you are there.
Hmmm, sounds like good timing to me... for both of your sakes.
Here is something I was putting in email to my son for his birthday... perhaps you wil like it too.
Sometimes, that's the best advice we can hear. Win or lose succeed or fail, go for it, and go all the way. As my flight instructor told me on the first day of flying lessons, "Keep one hand on the throttle and one hand on the yoke." "Aahhhhh!" I would say during my early lessons as the plane lifted into the air, but I kept the throttle pushed all the way in.
There are times when it's wise to be cautious. And there are times when the best thing we can do - the only thing we can do - is go for it by living big. Ask her out. Request the raise. Say no - and mean it. Learn to drive a racecar or climb a tall hill. Learn to snorkel or surf. Dreams remain dreams until you act upon them. Then they become real life.
Will you throw a few coins into the beggar's cup, or will you bring him a hamburger and fries from the local fast-food place? Will you do an average job at work, or will you look for ways to go big - really give it your best - in the everyday areas of your job? Will you put your all - your heart and emotions - into the relationship with the people you love? Will you wait for another, more convenient time to pray, or will you start genuinely trusting God?
You don't have to get a life. You've already got one. Live it, and live big.
God, help me let go of my fear and timidity, and learn to live big.
More Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I am so sorry for what you and your friend are going through. There was no way you could have known what was going to happen to him. You didn't squander anything. Enjoy the memories you've already made and the time you have left together. Those will be what see you through. Your love and courage along with big kind heart will get him and you through this. He is very lucky to have you. Sayig extra prayers for both of you tonight. Love and blessing to you both.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
