The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The meeting with the counseling place went well last night, the girl and I were instant friends which usually results in better service (sorry to say but it's true). She was very supportive of me, reinforcing what all of you have said about me not being a horrible mother. She has said that they provide counseling and psyciatric visits too if it turns out any of the kids need meds. Her agency also does support services by providing mentors who work with the kids in the community AND come into the home to help set up rules, boundaries, and work setting goals, etc. I have also enlisted the help of the daycare lady who will be checking middle child's homework (she does have a planner they just never use them and I had no idea what to look for plus she doesn't bring it home 99% of the time). We are teaming up on her in this and I think she is vested in seeing her pass. I still haven't heard back from the principal. I am really hoping that this agency will work with the schools and I'm really fed up with the attitudes of all the schools in this area. They are very closed to everything. I have had issue with it since moving to this state. They are behind the times by about 50 years it seems. The girl even said that the agency has difficulties working with the schools in my county and I think if they try to pull this on me they might get validation on their sue happy liberal ideas! Whatever though, if it pays for private school and helps someone else then it's worth it!
Moving is an option. I feel like it's running in a way but then sometimes I feel like I'm screwing my kids over so I can have good weather and a nice beach! There are no services here and that is a BIG issue for us. No parks and rec, activities, busses or transportation, social services, community centers, etc. Nothing for kids! So I'm milling this all over and pondering making a move to a better area for kids that is still tolerable to me. I haven't been there yet. Maybe Florida? My oldest says just please do it before I start high school I want to go to one school the whole time. She has been moved around so much. More guilt for me. I know they would be happier in a place with things for them to do and opportunities. West Palm Beach has great schools and social service jobs...
Anyway, all this is rattling around in there. I'm going to give this agency a shot and see what happens and at the same time keep my eye open for other opportunities in other places.
See, you are on top of your game, and the help is coming in. It may be slow, but it is there. Keep things rattling along there. I was always mindful of
ACT IN HASTE, REPENT AT LEISURE.
One day at a time, one step at a time.
And I will be there too, supporting you and praying for direction to come your way.
Love y' sweetie,
__________________
"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
I too was held back (ok, I spent 2 or years in pre school, but whatever), and like someone else said, it was the best thing for me. This is also the 3rd time I'm taking spanish. But whatever. You are doing everthing you can. When you do everything you can, let god do anything you can't. I love you girl. You're doing great.
Scrappy cg! You have it all going on! HP comes through.
I think it is wise and perfectly reasonable to check out other areas of the country and put schools (AND LOTS OF AL-ANON MEETINGS) high on your priority list. I am not sure where you are living now but geez, I sure do know that feeling of wanting to move from a place where there is so little or no support. I am a bit of a mover/traveler, too, but I still think that we all have very different paths and moving often is not necessarily a bad thing and its not necessarily bad for kids, either. It just depends.
Our society places so much stock in staying in one place as if its some kind of symbol of stability but I think that is not really the case although there are lots of studies I am sure that will prove me wrong. Sure, people move because they have to because of bad life choices but lots of people move and its just because they want to, like to, and can. God either blocks or paves the way. When there are a lot of blocks, its important to pay attention to that.
I, for one, would never move anywhere I could not attend at least 2-3 F2F meetings per week. This program is like my meds 4 me!!! Its more important than anything else. Hugs, J.
Well there was one good thing about your recent move the babysitter soundsl ike a godsend.
I am looking at the possibillity of moving. I have to remind myself not to just jump in. I need to make a check list of lots of stuff.
I think being on survival is very tough. Many of us are on that for a while when we leave the A.
I think the agency sounds great. I hope they will be able to help.
I am glad you sound so centered today. I know I can go into panic/reactivity in a minute then I can get absolutely lost and end up exhausted
Before you move don't you have to sort out the custody stuff. You would have to have sole custody of your son to move him. So one thing at a time!
I know I want to move at lightning pace so not to be in pain. Yet if I go through the list and put down what I need to do each day its overwhelming. I would rather just jump and jump and jump than sit down and work out exactly what I need. I feel so much fear and pain about taking constructive action for myself.
Ever since my A convinced me to move away from my dark rainy home in Washington I have had the wanderlust. I agree moving isn't bad I guarantee my kids know that every place is different has has it's good and bad points. This one has great points. I live 5 mins from the beach and my rent is only 850 for a 3 br. condo that's only about 2 years old! There are lots of thrift stores around (my addiction) the weather is nice about 80% of the year with very little rain and lots of sun. I can tell you the cons just as easily...
For me it's fun to start again in a new place learn all the cool little things about it. I am going to DC again next month and would never have seen that had I not been here. I took the kids to Universal Studios, again only here. I still have New York on my list... and caribbean but I can do that from anywhere pretty much.
Not only that, moving is a GREAT excuse to get rid of a lot of stuff and an even better excuse to hit garage sales and thrift stores in the new place!
cg, I so dig the getting rid of everything to move thing, too. LOVE THAT! And thrift stores could become my life if I am not careful! HEY, there are terrible/almost no thrift stores in Hawaii, btw, just to warn u (I went through withdrawal when I moved here). laughing, J.
Keep praying to HP to guide you in the right direction. I believe being a parent is the most important job on the face of the earth. You are a great Mom and HP will come through for you. I am also planning to move to Florida, so my child can have a better environment - less crime, better school. I don't see it as running away at all. For me, it is taking a leap to a better place for both of us. Keep working it, cause you're worth it!
I had a hard time in school while my parents were split. I lived for my fathers approval even after he passed on. When he was gone I had little to strive for. My mom bless her soul gave everything she had to keep us fed and sheltered.
One thing that helped for a while was structure. A regular routine that I could count on and work around. I was temporarily adopted by a recovering family after a couple rounds in the hospital due to my father alcoholism.
They made me do simple stuff. Make my bed, change bed clothes on Thursday, dishes on Wednesday and Saturday, walk the dog at nine, Big Book family chat on Thursday,visit Mom on Sunday, Saturday was mine as and I was expected to be at school and work regularly. I could swap chores for saturday If I needed. Just a sense of order helped me, life's possibility of meaning and sense came back with this early program work. They wouldn't force me to Alateen but I got good doses of program and lots of ice cream on Thursdays. :) Don't ask me about Thursdays. I guess that was home-group day lol.
Worked pretty good till my girlfriend stated running around on me. I asked my therapist about order and structure and she said order works well for temper tantrums and rage type behavioral problems also. She had a lot in her own house. :)
