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I was on the phone with the principal at the school trying to set up a morning meeting and my cell phone rings and it's the A. He calls to "thank" me for letting him see the kids yesterday and inform me that he slept on the beach last night - good thing it wasn't in the 30s as it has been lately - and that he is just now getting home! Guess he managed to make it home after all, how crazy is that? So to rehash, he came yesterday at 10:30 am got dropped off an hour away from his house, had no food, money or ride back, slept on the beach and is just now getting home at 2pm the next day. I guess to each his own huh?
geesh, don't cha love that "thanks, oh and here is the other thing I wanted to tell you so that my acting thankful is really just another opportunity to add in another dig of sarcasm or something to try to manipulate you into feeling guilty" schtick. Good grief. Its HIS CHOICE where he ends up sleeping and for how long. NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, but you know that already! To each his own RIGHT ON- Hugs, J.
Just like Scarlett O'Hara when she makes the curtains into a new ball gown..."I shall worry about that tomorrow....." Dang, do you remember having the freedom to be that stupid? I remember sleeping in the park and crashing at friend's houses, NO responsibilities, NO cares or thought in the world as to what anyone else thought. Course, I didn't have kids and bills to pay and a job to keep and a real life. How did you NOT light into him? I swear, you have alot of self control! I know I would have (and did) scream my face off when the ex would call with one of his Extreme Stupid stories. "Oh, A tree jumped out and blackened my eye and the guy I drink with was killed last night and and and....." HHmmmm AND our DAUGHTER is sinking fast and I can't afford to buy food and and and.... AAGGHHH I think I am bringing up resentments at my next meeting!!!
Well, you wanted him to make an effort to see them.... Of course, he probably considers himself a selfless martyr to go through all that, and you just see him as stupid.
The flannel sheets were waaay better than a jacket
Perhaps that experience will guard you against him trying to do it again before he is really able?
Naaaahhhh...
Gotta admit it's a great story
Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
You should ask him if he got any sand up his butt.
Okay... bad... I know.
I hate those kind of "thank yous". It's not a thank you. It's just an excuse to call you and try to make you feel guilty (like Jean said).
He had choices. He could have walked home. He could have made those collect calls to some other acquaintance and asked for a ride. All he wanted to do was try to manipulate you.
Again, I'm very impressed by your strength. Way to go!
You are incredible to be at such a place of detachment. Last year when the A was penniless he tried to make me feel guilty. By then I was too far gone. He really just wanted me to pay for more so he could mess up more. I stopped. I know it was incredibly hard to stop.
Obviously he thinks his saint dom will impress you.
LOL he called back and I listened while he rambled on for a LONG time telling me about his recent arrest and me telling him about the problems with the kids and school. He did say that it's not my fault and I am a great mom. He seemed genuinely sincere about just being glad to see the kids. I think it was pretty obvious that I had no pity for him and he didn't sound like he was asking for any, there was no oh poor me... So I was nice, if he wants to see them again I hope he plans better. He did comment about planning his ride better next time LOL.. I was just relieved that I didn't have the tingly feeling in my stomach anymore when I saw him. To me that says I'm over him! What a relief!
I dunno for what reason I simply cannot get into what the A is doing. I am afraid if I did I might get looped in. I have to go out of my way not to spectulate and not to wonder and not to worry. For me its best not to know. I think there are stages maybe in time I'll be able to know. I know he is not in jail (he deserves to be). I know he is still driving (quite how the state lets him keep a license I dont' know). I know he is staying at his Uncles some. That's about it. I keep it like that.
I really am in a place where I could never see him again now. For me that's a miracle because I was totally fused to him before.
I would be concerned as to what he tells the kids. He is surely not sane at all.He no longer even sees the reality of things.
I, as always ask the tough questions. It is not always an easy thing, Alanon. Sometimes uncomfortable makes us think.
Really am glad you felt no tingle. But why would you, he is no longer the man you loved. The disease is killing him and it is really showing.
I know I have said this before, but...Carolina what makes you answer your phone when you know it is him? What makes you talk to him, tell him things about the children? I know in my experience, any information I give, is used against me. They are insane, Carolina.
We have NO idea what they are capable of. His reality is his sickness.
You are really doing well, hanging in and not falling apart. Please be careful.
I don't know what point it is when they totally lose control over everything. My A was semi functional until last year then he lost control over everything. He simply lost it. I think it is pretty hard to see them when they are like that.
