Do you try to over analyze people or events? - Al-Anon Family Group

gardengal · ~*Service Worker*~

Do you try to over analyze people or events?

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

Analyze others? Nope. I am not educated in the science of "what makes one tick." And I get very annoyed when anyone lacking credentials tries to analyze me!!! I may not understand why a person behaves a certain way, or what drives a person, but I take them, or leave them, at face value. Works for me.

I leave the use of my analytical skills to the works of Beethoven, Brahms, or Mozart, etc. Now there is something I can do accurately and with a great deal of knowledge.

Diva

-- Edited by Diva at 13:44, 2008-03-03

Jean4444 · ~*Service Worker*~

gg, I totally relate to what you are saying. I am an academic and an intellectual. I am also an artist. In all of this, I am extremely analytical and I love to analyze which for me is very connected to an inquiry about locating patterns. I love to look at things in my life and find the patterns the same way I look at wallpaper or textile design and find the patterns, etc. I guess I have an old urge to try to make sense! I love unlocking the mysteries of life and see patterns as one of the many ways to do this.

So, per se, analyzing in and of itself is not a bad thing at all. In fact, its very useful.

But of course, my brain became mush, too, when I focussed too much on the A's in my life and tried and tried time and time again to "turn the screws" in their heads or to at least try to figure out where those screws were and how to turn them!! I would spend so much of my energy on this. I also tried to fix them time and time again. Its why we need this program.

I know that I over analyzed as a form of trying to control. Also, I got a lot of positive attention for it in school, etc. (doing very well academically, etc.) Its like creating your own little world with your formula's and theories! (for me it was, anyway)

I thank god for this program. Its so good that you can see what your shortcomings are, deal with them, manage them and get on with your life! Your humility and honesty in your post is inspiring. congratulations gg and keep up the good work. Hugs, J.

Aloha · ~*Service Worker*~

If I weren't an over-analyzer, I wouldn't be here attending Al-anon meetings. LOL.

YES! I over-analyze things. I start to "project" what people are thinking and doing when really, I have NO clue.

That over-analyzing can drive me straight to the loony bin if I'm not careful.

One of the things I want to learn and work in with Al-anon is to STOP myself from over-analyzing things.

travors · Member

Yes!
It's one of the few demons I have left these days but I'm getting better and better at defeating it. As has been mentioned before I tend to catch myself projecting too. But if you try to keep your slogans in mind you should be well equipped to handle these situations.

Try to say "Live and let live" if you're obsessing about a person.
"Easy does it" if you're focusing on too many things at the same time.
"Let go" if you're obsessing on a particular problem.

I've written 2 articles on "Letting go" here and here that you might find useful.
Good luck!

gardengal · ~*Service Worker*~

Jean I just need to know, if you are Canadian and is your picture from a 70's Eatons Catalogue?

Jean4444 · ~*Service Worker*~

gg, I am not canadian and the picture is from a 1970's JC Penny's catalog. J.

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

i think every single thing the A did had to be a calamity before I would quite analyzing it. I would also second guess. I do not do that anymore. I think I totally surrendered to step one. I simply am not able to control other's actions.

maresie.

ddub · ~*Service Worker*~

I agree with Aloha. Uh, yeah, do I ever over analyze everything but I am finding it refreshing and time efficient to let that go when ever I can. I am not so weighed down any more feeling I will be pleasing to others if I care for them and blah blah blah. Everything I knew about showing someone I cared was backwards or unhealthy for me ...... all I need to do is accept them as they are and accept myself.

Also this I wrote in another post goes hand in hand with over analyzing plus shocking to find out that a lot of my perceptions are/were incorrect.
I thought it was a talent to be able to read people so well - it can be if used in a positive way and not just for people pleasing. I also learned that my perceptions from reading people can also not be correct sometimes and I can ask if I am reading them right or not. Makes for a lot less misunderstandings and less negative self talk sometimes too.

I think Jerry refers to this as circular thinking - yup, over analyzing is circular thinking round and round we go.........
It gets so much better with Al Anon tools and slogans and all the great replies you have her. Hang in there! hugs, ddub

thinkstoomuch · Senior Member

Oh, sure, lol - goes right along with thinking too much.

On the other hand, alanon HAS helped me to put it in a better balance with other parts of me. Two things in particular come to mind -

- it was in alanon that I really started learning about expressing my feelings (not just my thoughts and beliefs and opinions), how to do that, what the words were to do that. Listening to others share, as always, was the biggest part of this, but another part was actually looking up lists of feelings online - I especially like the ones at the Center for Nonviolent Communication.

- also by listening to others share, and by listening to others' input on sites like this one, I came to realize that I can't think of every possibility. And not only is this okay - I'm not actually suPOSEd to have to think of everything - but I also have this amazing resource, namely meetings and other ppl in program, where I can go to ask for ideas I may not have thought of.

A third thing occurs to me actually, and that's the whole let go let god idea, especially as expressed in the serenity prayer - this has helped me kind of focus my thinking - ok, is there anything I can actually do in this situation? Is this "my stuff"? Then if I notice that I'm thinking the same thoughts over & over again, I know I'm getting into obsessing, & not letting it go. Sometimes it helps to write out the feelings - don't know why, but it seems to shift something.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.