The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Does anyone watch this show. I have started watching that and sometimes catch Intervention too. I find it really helpful in identifying traits that used to absolutely cement me to the A.
I can also find myself in absolute hyper reactive mode of should could woulda about others.
I am amused in some ways that I can be still so absolutely taken with "being right" about everything. I think "being right" got me to the relationship with the A.
Something that I lived that Dr. Drew said on one show (sorry did not pay attention to which one it was) that he makes a diagnosis of say "Uterine cancer" but does not put in a qualifier there "does not believe it".
I think for me in dealing with denial the A had huge denial. He had hepatitis C but refused to look at where he got it from (drug addiction). I had my own denial of course that I could help him with his issues and make a relationship with someone who was day one totally addicted, totally dishonest, totally manipulative and hell bent on self destruction. My denial and enabling fuelled his denial. I held on till I almost died. There were many many many points I could have got out before it was too awful. I held on some more. I simply refused to acknowledge that I had to take actions for myself I kept putting it all on his actions. He had to stop I didn't. In the end I stopped but not before I almost totally destroyed my credit, my future and my health and my ability to move on. I had some crazy idea that my giving would change something and it didn't at all. Nothing changed he progressed and he continues to progress and will utlimately die and there is nothing I can do about it but get out of the way.
I never really was drawn to that dr. drew guy. I like a more animated person like dr. phil or dr ruth. haha
Intervention is a trip eh? I enjoy that one lots. Am always cheering the person on and being happy they have clean on recovery time.
One native american guy touched me. he was sleeping in front of a church I think it was, had the intervention, got back to work, looked totally different. Made me so happy for him.
Mary I found it interesting how if ONE person in his support group blew it and enabled, the A was lost.
I know it is horrible. But I wish the person my AH is with would die. She is in a horrible position with cancer, or I would not say that.
see this is how it goes. I thought FINALLY he won't have his mommy to run to as she is in a nursing home. Well this icky woman made friends with his mother. gross. His mother LOVES gossip and so does this gal. barf
so now he has a new mommy. ok how did I get here??
see we are the opposite. I could not care any less if I am right or wrong. I know I make mistakes, thats how I learn and go on.
I have gramas big shoulders....
I did like it that my AH was very bright. I need a man who knows a bit more than me.It was horribly hard Mary when I saw him lose all his integrity. I know he hated for me to see it too. I am the last person he wanted to disappoint.
Well for me what is interesting is my over reaction to everyone on the show. I can get into shoulda coulda woulda in a minute (quite codependent huh?). I do feel enthused when I see people on Intervention who have got sober. I do not hold that out for the A. I don't even think anymore about the system around him I obsessed on it for years, his mother, his friends, his brother, whoever. I could go on all night about all of them. Letting go has been tremendously hard.
The A who I was with got sober at different times in his life, he got sober in prison went to 12 step blew off substances. He threw himself back into it when he got out of course.
I go into every relationship, be it friendship, be it whatever with a lot of negotiation now. I did not with the A I was terminally naive. That is one thing I think I really share with the addicts on Dr. Drew I am incredibly naive, idealistic and quick to pop a resentment!
For whatever reason (maybe my own naivete) Dr Drew has grown on me a lot. I'll be sad that there is a final episode this week. I may even watch it all again if he goes into serialization.
I hope I can move into a space of being less reactive it is exhausting.
